I’ve examined the animated potatoes brought in by our field agents. Genetic analysis suggests these started out as normal potatoes - no trace of alien DNA, for example. However, I’ve detected a unique chemical residue on each of the potatoes brought in. It doesn’t match any known fertilizer or pesticide - it’s clearly related to their unusual activity. Whatever it is, it doesn’t last - after a few days, all of the self-mobile potatoes become inert; faster if they’re cut in half. I will continue to analyze them and try to isolate the foreign chemical.
Doctor Carla "Doc" Greer
Captain, US Army Medical Corps