Cobra Faction Report Page[]
As part of archiving the Transformers Universe MUX, we have been including BBPosts on character pages themselves with linkbacks. As of October 2023, we are moving towards a Reports page style where a by faction or type of report page is created and all reports are archived on these pages with link-backs to characters and or TPs without adding the report into the character page itself.
This is a WIP.
Roughout of formatting:
- Copy Paste into Visual Editor from plain text file
- Use bulletpoint for month day, year - report title - character (Linked please)
- Extra line break between report entries to break up wall o' text.
- If you're feeling extra, do links to characters and or places mentioned in the report itself
2007[]
Jan 09 - Luminous report[]
- Digital text message
- Today, Major Bludd and myself went to Luminous's citadel to see what she has done with the BATs she had stolen. She has made it into a makeshift temple and dressed the BATs as priests (Link to picture of robed BATS leading humans into a smooth surfaced 'temple') they are taking humans in Brasilia inside, for purposes unknown. My BATs await orders as to what steps to take next- BRA General, Over Kill Out.
May 18 - Incoming Transmission[]
*** Incoming burst transmission *** *** Text message received *** *** System time 180507:0220hrs ***
To:Command
From:Bludd
Found Nightgaunt and Over Kill. Over Kill retrieved. Needs some work. Sq 1416 off-duty pending medical treatment. Self same. Further details in full report. ETA Colombia 4 hrs. Out.
*** Transmission ends ***
May 18 - Over Kill recaptured[]
To: Cobra Command
18 May 2007 - 2300 hrs
While searching the jungle yesterday, Viper Squad 1416 and I came upon Over Kill and Nightgaunt. Over Kill refused to come back to base with us, and so we used force to capture him. With Nightgaunt's help, my Vipers and I put the cyborg down. His remains were brought back to the Colombia base and are in the medical ward. Over Kill is on life support currently, but is still fairly responsive. I have managed to keep him calm and prevent him from attempting to leave base again, though in his condition I'm not certain how he'd achieve that. Nevertheless, I am not Over Kill's nursemaid, and I expect Brainstorm to step up and take on the task of seeing to the cyborg's repairs/refittings/ reprogrammings. His specialised knowledge will be needed here.
Viper squad 1416 is off-duty until further notice. I will likewise be unable to perform combat-oriented duties at this time. The Colombia medical staff will make details of our injuries available to members of the CoC who have a need to know.
-Major Bludd
Dec 27 - IC Report[]
TO: Cobra Command FROM Artemis RE: Over Kill
Over Kill was acting strangely, ordering his BAT's with a cryptic message. I tracked him down to the Technical Area of the Cobra Island Base. While I distracted him, I had my Range Viper Squadrons surround the base, in case the BAT's attacked... After some discussion with him, I talked him down, and he is now, not going to attempt to leave Cobra. I trust him at his word, although, I am sure others will not. I request, that for now, I be given charge of keeping him in line, as it has become obvious that someone needs to be assigned to him, someone that he listens to, and will continue to listen to. I think I have an understanding of him now, and I am fairly certain that, at least in the short term, that I can keep him from doing things he should not.
Artemis Out
2008[]
August[]
August 14 - Africa Report[]
To: Cobra Command
From: Major Bludd
The operation in Sierra Leone was a wash. Literally. Lightning from severe thunderstorms destroyed the generator in the camp while the deluge of rain flooded out the diamond office and washed away a few miners. Movement of men and materials during the wet season is extremely difficult except by vehicle, and even then, the deep mud fouls up all but the largest off-road vehicles. I have returned to Colombia base until another attempt is made, hopefully not until October.
December[]
December 1 - IC Post: Rage[]
Cobra Commander appears in a pre-recorded address, wearing his little-used full battle armor. He stands in front of a giant Cobra flag; all other indicators of his actual location have been obscured. In his hissing, rasping voice, The Commander practically spits the following address through the voice modulators in his helmet:
"I am absolutely furious at the latest breach of security at our Colombia base. Once again GI Joe is able to just waltz into a secure Cobra base and make off with highly-prized captives. I had big plans for these particular hostages, and I am apoplectic with rage at their loss. The incompetence shown by our troops, from top levels of command down to the bottom, is inexcusable!
"Tomax - how is it the Joes always seem to know from where we are operating and precisely the perfect area to strike? Xamot - How lax is our security that two agents can pose as Cobra Troopers for hours or days and not get challenged? Baroness, why did we have no intelligence on this pending attack before it was launched? Bludd, is there an explanation why your legion of crack troops couldn't stop what was reportedly a two-man assault team? Mindbender, is there a reason you failed to extract an iota of useful DNA or information for our guests while we had them in custody? You all are pathetic!
"This is going to stop. I've reached my limit for how much ineffectiveness I can tolerate in my organization! Tomax, begin aggressive counter-intelligence operations. Not only do I not what the Joes to know what we're doing, I want them chasing their tails over a hailstorm of false leads and meaningless targets. Xamot, security is to be improved at all of our installations. Optical scans, voice print - whatever it takes. Surely with all of our technology we can do better than this!
"Baroness, I want to know what the Joes have learned about our operations already, and what they plan to do about it. One highlight of this debacle is that the Joes failed to recapture our newest piece of stolen technology. Bludd, I want that Australian facility raided. Capture any remaining data that can useful to Cobra in getting that drone modified for our use, and then destroy the facility so no one else can duplicate the drone.
"Mindbender, when Bludd returns I want that drone programmed to obey Cobra, and enhanced to become our latest weapon against GI Joe and the world! You all have one chance to redeem yourself in my eyes. Fail again and risk the full consequences of my fury! Cobraaa!"
With a final fist-waving scream, Cobra Commander ends the recording.
2022[]
December[]
Dec 02 - The Package[]
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Lady V
A stern looking woman with dark hair, green eyes, and an angled green mask over her face appears on screen. "Cobra agents, I go by the codename of Lady V. The assault on Langley was, in part, my introduction into Cobra. Cobra Commander has tasked me to provide intel and agency to fielded troops for a precise series of operations. Due to Cobra's compartmentalization protocols, you will work with minimum intel on allocations by direct decree from the Commander himself. The three series of tasks provided will simply be annotated as 'The Plan', 'The Man', and 'The Product'. I will be working as Control during these missions for the assigned teams. How you accomplish the goal is up to yourselves but be warned. I do not intend on squandering my initial assignments on incompetent fools and cowards. Come through, and Cobra shall reign supreme. That is all."
2023[]
February[]
Feb 18 - Report: The Product[]
Lady V
TEXT ONLY
Infiltration of the Kremlin's server system has succeeded. Biometrics have uploaded for the last stage of this plan. Cobra Assets of Zarana, Cypher, and Interrogator performed well. I have been told that Cobra Asset Storm Shadow has performed admirably.
Keep it up.
April[]
- April 7 - "Goings On" - Cobra Commander's report details his demands for information, coordination, and enhanced security measures from his officers to thwart both domestic and extraterrestrial threats, while asserting his authority and addressing issues of internal discord and external alliances.
- April 19 - AW Updates - Interrogator
Interrogator appears in uniform in Peklabog and says coldly, "Be lucky you got the shoebox, Miles. What Ascension Wing has is on our vehicles. We have been sending data on how to forge Cybertronian and off world metals and such. If you've been checking the dowloads we have made to Cobra Island, you will find that while we did not in the past download blueprints and schematics for general use, we did and continue to download files that are needed so we don't have to risk men and machines killing Off Worlders for no reason other than parts. It's called sustainability, but I don't expect any of you to understand that concept."
He continues in a more professional voice, "If you want blueprints and schematics, including what we've gotten from dismembering bodies, use your R&D Credentials and snakemail Sefu. He's the one deciding which information gets released to who and why. He tells me that the Training Manuals have not been misused and some people are asking for more and the next stage so we will be sending the full compliment of beginning and intermediate manuals and training courses that are non-proprietary to Baroness so she can release them as she deems fit. If you need instructors, Sefu has a list of those who chose not to come to Crown City palace when the call went out. This list will also go to Baroness. They'll get you through Beginning and Intermediate training, which will do for vipers and most code-named operatives. The Advanced training we'll talk about at a later date."
"We have Uniform and Vehicle designs and have sources for raw materials. Unfortunately, it has been realized that unless we have factories and such I don't know about, we might have to involve Destro and MARS, as they have assembly lines and manufactories we can convert. No, we don't need the whole company. No, I do not want to see Off World technology for sale in a MARS Catalogue. Megatron has made it clear what I need to do to keep him off Earth and focused on Cybertron and Singularity's Boss. You know, the one who was going to use the Sun to destroy Earth? Yeah.
Any Special Wants or Needs, Snakemail Me,
Interrogator
- April 19 - Response to Mindbender - Baroness
TO Cobra Command (Rank 8+)
From: Baroness
Mindbender,
I grow tired of your attempts to tell me just how important you are. You are a cog in the machine that is Cobra, just like all the rest of us. One more insulting comment from you, and I will not step in the next time someone decides that your head would look better with a dent in it. And before you complain about me threatening you, do remember, I do run Cobra on a day-to-day basis, and thus, have more more control over things than you might like to think. I will also say, that I have prevented many people, who would like to see you dead, again, from carrying out their desires.
I have had enough of the useless bickering back and forth between yourself and other members of High Command. It makes no difference in the grand scheme of things, what is said, only what goals we achieve. The Commander has placed me in charge of day-to-day operations, and as such, until such a time as he tells me differently, all members of High Command will remember this, and abide by his obvious wishes.
As for the arrangements in your Research and Development Division, as long as they do not impede on the overall success of Cobra, I will support the changes you wish to make. I do expect all other Division Commanders to report any such changes they wish to make as well.
Baroness.
- April 19 - After Action Report: Russian Train - Baroness
TO: Cobra High Command (Rank 8+), Lady V
FROM: Baroness
RE: After Action Report - Russian Train Package Retrieval
On the evening of April 19, 2023, myself, Zarana, Copperhead, and our newest Medi-Viper, Deadline, boarded a train in Borovia, bound for Russia. We were disguised as Russian Guards. This was part of a plan Lady V came up with, and the plan was flawlessly executed by the team. We sent the Russian Spetsnaz Guards running and captured the train car with the package intact.
The Package is secured in the Silent Castle, awaiting transport to a more secure facility.
Commendations and Possible Bonuses should be handed out to the team.
I have had Cypher hack into the video security feeds, and she should have the file availble to be reviewed from all angles there was a camera on it, in the next 12 to 24 hours.
Baroness
- April 20 - OOC: The Package - Interrogator
This is OOC IC planning. Inty is Rank 8 and Concealer just hinted to Inty the Package was 'nuclear' on IRC on 4-20-2023 so Inty is going to have an Intelligence AW Member with Cobra Rank look into The Package and also one without Cobra Rank. He's also going to do the same thing with two Logistics AW Members.
Let me know if that's okay and get in touch for questions, comments, concerns if needed
Sabels/Interrogator
- April 21 - IC Message: Package Aquired 4-19 - Baroness
TO: Cobra Command (Rank 7+)
FROM Baroness
RE: Package Aquired 4-19
I have had the package removed from the Silent Castle, and sent to an undisclosed facility. It's location is known to myself, Cobra Commander, and Lady V.
Should anyone try to ascertain the location, they will need to explain it to myself, and the Commander.
Baroness
- April 21 - April 21 Weekly Update! Fri Apr 21 Walker
From the Desk of Andrew "Scalpel" Walker
Safety Reminder: After April 20, - Our Medi-Vipers have had a busy night and have had a hard time soberizing some of our staff.
Example A: Alley Vipers thought this would end well - (Pending Link Fix: walker42122A)
Example B: A Range Viper was taught that size matters - (pending Link Fix: walker42122B)
Example C: My favorite.. Oh who lives in a pineapple in the bottom of the oral cavity? A certain Sub Viper can tell you! (Pending Link Fix: walker42122C)
Important Tip for April: Find out what's normal about pooping, and pay attention if something is off. Don't be afraid to talk about poop. Everyone poops. HOWEVER, the S.N.A.K.E. Battle Armor does not have a bathroom feature built in. So stop it!
Also, please give a warm welcome to the newest recruit in the Medi-VIPER unit. We have our very own, special nearsighted gynecologist... Deadline. Or you can call him... Edline.
Please also make sure you check with our esteemed Colorectal Doctor Quagmire. He has been itching to probe patients with his knowledge.
-Andrew "Scalpel" Walker
- April 25 - Attn:Medical Services - Major Bludd
Attn: Medical Services
Re: Major Bludd
One of the Crimson Guardsmen who drive Major Bludd to and from Daggett Airport every day reported an odd behaviour today. Please find attached an audio file and text transcript of the Guardsman's report.
FILE: Text transcript: 20230426-Luck.txt
Crimson Guardsman #1729 reporting. On today's drive we needed to stop for a refuel about twenty minutes outside Luck. Major Bludd got out to smoke a cigarette while #2095 pumped gas. I talked to the Major while we were waiting. When we were going to get back into the SUV to continue on to Luck, the Major asked to drive the last leg. He's the boss at Luck, so #2095 gave him the keys. Bludd plugged a USB thumb drive into the car's stereo and played a few songs while he drove. A few minutes before we arrived at Luck, I glanced over at him and his attitude seemed to change. Let me assure you that I am not insinuating the Major is on any kind of drugs, but I've seen people when stuff hits them. Bludd's eye got wide for a moment, and there was something that flashed there, and he got this wicked grin on his face. He also drove more aggressively after that. Fortunately we arrived without incident. He seemed different when he got out of the SUV and tossed the keys back to #2095. His speech pattern changed too. He seemed happier and more relaxed. I'm sure he wasn't smoking anything but tobacco.
Usually he's polite enough to us but he doesn't say much on the drive. Just stares out the window or dozes until we get to base. #2095 told me not to submit this report but I have a feeling, and usually my feelings lead to things. Again, I am not insinuating that Major Bludd is doing anything he shouldn't. It seemed like his personality changed so I was concerened.
FILE: Audio report: 20230425-Luck.ogg
- April 25 - IC Orders - Baroness
TO: Racho Corba Base Garrison, Artemis, Range Viper Squad 674, Unconventional Warefare Divison Officers
FROM: Baroness
Effective immediately, Artemis and Range Viper Squad 674 are transfered to Rancho Corba Base, in Luck, California. Artemis is under the direct command, while at that location, of Major Bludd, to act in accordance with the Major's orders.
Baroness
- April 27 - Moscow - Interrogator
To: Cobra
From: Interrogator
Moscow is odd. I have seen no homeless or stray dogs and Stranzi's is closed. Stranzi's has been the premier pastry baker since Moscow was founded and never closed. There's other things too a native would notice that are off. If you go, be careful.
Interrogator
ADDITIONAL REPORT TO RANKS 6+
The city feels like it did during the height of the Cold War and there are more patrols. I know the difference between police and military, and there's more military. I did scope out the entrance to the neighborhood where the bunker is we used during the Quintesson Invasion and nobody was in the streets. I didn't enter it because all the defenses were up. I will try to contact the Kirstovs as the intelligence I have affects them as well.
- April 28 - Report - Storm Shadow
**While this probably -should- have been locked to higher ups, for some reason it's got a much lower security setting, allowing 6+ to see and read.** Baroness,
Congratulations, before I take some additional time off, I have a present for you in the brig. Ekaterina Vysotskaya, AKA Katrina Vesotsky, who disappeared off our radar a few years ago. And Lee Gruber. They were lurking in the Sudan as per your notes. I meant to let you know a week ago or so but I got shot just after and.. well. Reports didn't seem as important. The guards were instructed to keep them both sedated due to the reported oddities, mental powers and increased strength. I would like hazard pay, thank you, there are some dreams of which I do not ever want to relive and replacing a sword is no
OOC NOTE: This was something Baroness sent Storm Shadow off to do and he did it on his way back from Japan. Hence him being pretty out of communication for a week or so. He forgot to report because Mindbender.
- April 29 - Walker's Weekend Round Up - Walker
We had 2 Crimson Guards with the exact same name. I had to refer one to a podiatry Medi-Viper. I got mixed up and sent the podiatrist to the one who was a double leg amputee. When the podiatrist rang me and asked me if it was a joke, I was mortified. So I followed it up with, "We were going to ask if... WD-40 works on knee arthritis."
Important Tips: Taking OTC Aleve will make you test negative in a UA screen for opiates.
You can test positive for cocaine by being around friends who are doing it. STAY AWAY FROM GARGOYLE.
-Walker/Scalpel
- April 30 - Mission Assignments - Incision
Well isn't this a person from the past, Incision, second of Cobra's Ninja Forces, comes on screen in his Plague Viper attire. The message is targeted to specific sub-groups and people, avoids a great many of command entirely and anyone who has ins with multiple groups may notice a pattern. Message Veri with questions.
Mission assignment:
Mission Risk Assessment: High. Do not allow this to be passed along through the rumor mill, the target must not be warned.
Date: Monday May 1, 2023
Location: Los Angeles, California
Target: Unknown number of GI Joes, Storm Shadow
Mission goals: Verify that the G.I. Joe's attending the May the 1st Convention in Los Angeles are not using it as a means to recruit for any youth programs. Collect any that seem like they would be excellent additions to the Cobra Youth programs, the dissatisfied youth of today have much to offer, hand out information as well.
Second goal is watch Storm Shadow: His behavior is not what is expected of the head of several Cobra units. Bring back concrete information that his dedication to Cobra is faltering and there will be a reward. Bring him -back- to Cobra Island and there will be a reckoning. Bring any of his current associates back, again, a reward, especially any of his -family-.
I've waited a long time for this moment, for the pieces to align, the game to reach it's conclusion. For Cobra!
Incision -Out-
OOC NOTE: This info went out to the following sub-groups: Cobra Ninja forces, ninja vipers, red ninja vipers, Dreadnoks (To Zartan directly who can filter out as player wishes), Mindbender and his personal Techno-vipers. It DID not go to high command or any known Cobra agent that is part of the listed sub-groups who would be suspected of being a 'leak' for any reason or another.
May 2023[]
- May 8 - Medical Emergency Update - Walker
To: Staff
From: Scalpel
If you have been spending time with Eddie, I strongly recommend a treatment of a lice-killing lotion containing 1 permethrin or a mousse containing pyrethrins and piperonyl butoxide.
-Andrew 'Scalpel' Walker
- May 7 - Medical Update - Walker
Unless you are Over Kill, DW-40 does not work for that.
- May 9 - Friend of the Cartel - Walker
From: Andrew "Scalpel" Walker
To: Command, Staff
Training Experience
I will be taking a short LoA to work with my outside cartel associates pursue some new medical techniques. I will be acting as a friend of the cartel while adding some new contacts to our Rolodex. For any medical issues, I ask that you seek out Eddie and his less-than-capable-hands. His patient success ratio is impressively the lowest I've ever seen. Quit admirable as Eddie did get his medical degree from a Doc McStuffins Happy Meal. Seriously, he wrote over the certificate with his name.
Be well... your life depends on it,
-Scalpel
- May 9 - Cobra Cares - Cesspool
From: Cesspool
The Cobra Cares program is going off to a good start. Unfortunately, I have been managed to make a slip-up. The first shipments of ViperActive Energy Drink is without the Compound Z formula. I also may have donated to third world countries in order to help get our product in. My alter-ego is seemingly on a charitable strike and that is getting us investors for this. I will continue as the profits are coming in. Due to the nature of this public image, I will be having my Toxo-Vipers, Sludge Vipers, Heavy Waters, and BoWs off the grid for a short time period.
- May 9 - Solar Farm Completed - Over Kill
Over Kill writes a text report: Greetings. My BATs have informed me of the completion of the small solar farm in Cobra Unity. It is ready to begin recording production. Cobra!
- May 9 - Please Build More - Interrogator
To: Cobra, especially Over Kill
From: Interrogator
Good job, Over Kill and the rest of BATnet. Now, if you'd like, you can build another solar farm, expand the one you built, or see me about a more advanced project.
Interrogator
- May 14 - Requisition Orders - Interrogator
Since Mindbender told Interrogator he could use whatever he needed as far as supplies, a lot of Requisition orders have been made by Logistics Officers codenamed Yogurt, President Skrooby, and Dark Bucket who were assigned to Sefu and and moved when he did. The first of the items they requested for the LA Ascension Wing Office Neighborhood are the newest solar panels that could be mounted on buildings there, along with rain and water collection and filtration systems. There have been more orders put in that went to Cobra Unity for mounting on buildings there
Those Logistics Officers also requested the materials for the Solar Farm Over Kill built in Cobra Unity, but those are the oldest ones made for solar farming.
Obviously, somebody didn't expect it to succeed or last long...
- May 14 - IC Report: Comms breakdown - Baroness
TO: Cobra
FROM Baroness
During the brief communications failure on Cobra Island, which I am still awaiting a report upon the cause of, Interrogator apparently attack Inquisitor. Reports are minimal, only hearing from Inquisitor before her communications went offline. I have dispatched a rescue team to her last reported position and am awaiting further details.
At this time, both Inquisitor and Interrogator are not responding to Communications. As such, until this situation is more fully understood, I am declaring that they are both to be found, and brought to Cobra Island, for a full examination of what transpired. Do not let them escape.
Baroness
- May 14 - Reporting In - Interrogator
To: Cobra *Urgent*
From: Interrogator
Thank you for your concern, Baroness. It was warranted, as I was working on Peklabog's systems and the energon boosters malfunctioned. I will not bore you with technical details, but it triggered a chain reaction that messed up many systems on both the Sky Serpent and my helmet. Comms were one of them. When you heard, "Nope, kill comms" (ooc it was on the general Cobra IC channel) you picked up me talking to Sefu. Sadly, the malfunction also caused the message about undergoing maintenance from Vilnacron to trigger. Due to the potential dangers of working on Off World tech, I was in an undisclosed location and need to remain there. It should be safe for me to report to you in person within 2 weeks, once I am sure I am safe to be around, as your health and those of my fellow Cobra are of utmost importance.
As for Inquisitor, I share your concern for her, as recently, there was the death of two Joes on a combat mission, the Strange events at the May 1 2023 Convention where Storm Shadow was assassinated, and the strange disappearance of the Civilian passenger Air Plane near Britain, just to name a few generally known suspicious activities.
Interrogator
- May 17 - Raid - Zarana
Hit a military airbase in Florida where a Joe was landing a fatty jet. Old one. Engaged the pilot - some redhead bimbo (OOC - WRaith) and beat her up. Then threw some grenades into the fat frisbee (OOC - F-117A) and scuppered it. Grabbedo ut some things from the cockpit that looked important 'an handed 'em off. So go me!
And the Joe nerd was crying at the end of it. I ain't made someone sob in ages.
- May 18 - RE: Interrogator - Baroness
TO: All Cobra Forces
FROM: Baroness
RE: Interrogator
As of yet, Interrogator has not answered the allegations put forth by a missing member of Cobra, about why he attacked this person. Inquisitor is still missing. Until Interrogator responds to Command's satisfaction, he is denied all privledges of a member of Cobra. He is not to be granted food, fuel, or ammo, and this includes any Acension Wing supplies, that Cobra has payed for.
Baroness
- May 19 - Medical Safety Update - Walker
From the Desk of Andrew "Scalpel" Walker
IMPORTANT SAFETY REMINDER
Thanks to the Range Vipers, I can give you this little nugget of a gem. The ball part of the HISS tanks? It’s used for mounting equipment only. Nothing else should try to be mounted on it.
Also, thanks to the Range Vipers WD-40 is only for lubricating equipment only. Not good to put in the human body. No, I will not tell you how and why this post had to happen. Ask the Tele-Vipers for the video instead. Or ask Eddie. He might still be watching the video.
- May 21 - Peklabog Repaired - Interrogator
To:Cobra
From: Interrogator
Peklabog is fully operational. The energon boosters blew while I was trying to get to Cobra Island to speak with those there. All comms are open, and I can respond without risking Our Enemies finding me and the tech. Awaiting orders while looking for Inquisitor.
Interrogator
- May 22 - Important Medical Update 5.22.2023 - Walker
Endoscopy equipment is not to be used for stealing food from the vending machine. Thank you. - Scalpel
- May 24 - Wednesday's Wacky Advice - Walker
To: Staff
This one is dedicated to '64. Not that '64 did any of this but I wanted to dedicate to a good bit of humor that happened to someone who has helped me.
Today, I met a Dreadnok who was heavily interested in homeopathy and natural healing, so he started drinking his own urine..." Yeah... Not a good survival tip. Hats off to the rest of you for being smarter than that curve.
-Andy :)
- May 25 - RE: Wednesday - Walker
To: Staff
I think someone has played a prank on my email account or such. That signature is it not mine. I have changed my passwords and security settings. I will get to the bottom of this on my own. No need to investigate.
-Dr. Andrew "Scalpel" Walker
"Your friendly bedside Medi-Viper CO ;)"
- May 26 - Final Medical Update - Walker
Per Request, I will stop giving Medical Updates. This will be my final one. If you have an anus, there's a good chance you are an asshole. That's my professional diagnosis.
-Walker
- May 28 - Don’t Do Drug - Walker
Cell Phone Cam Recording:
Inside a warehouse with several boarded-up windows and blood all over the place, Walker is in view. He has blood all over his body and looks like has been stabbed and shot. “Hello, Cobra Island and simpletons. Live from Shit Show City, today’s guest is a cartel asshole that shot at another cartel. And you probably are wondering why I am here and telling you all of this... Well, it’s because these assholes decided to open fire again at the cartel that called me in to patch them up. Still, wondering why this matters? Oh, don’t worry. I’ll get to that.”
Walker winces and pokes at himself. “Took a couple of good shots today. Don’t cheap out on bulletproof vests. They might cost you an arm and a leg but at least you’re still protected. See this guy on the table missing some of his teeth? I extracted them. Not with the proper equipment but with the right equipment. I was ticked off that what was supposed to be a milk run ended up with the cartel getting fired at by another cartel and I was caught in the middle of it. Both of them are my clients too. Turns out they are fighting because something is happening.”
Walker wipes the blood off his face. “I just had to kill a few Lobos because I was caught in the middle of this. But something seemed to bother me. Why are they fighting with each other? Made me start thinking...”
"That's when I started to torture the one survivor from this... I needed to know why gangs that are allied are attacking each other. He eventually told me that ninjas are being sent after other cartel gangs. That's not possible. Headman doesn't let that crap fly. Powers are shifting somewhere. If this is something we're involved with... What the actual Hell? We're getting sloppy. Do better. I'll be back when I decide to. I have other tasks ahead of me now."
”Seriously, don’t do drugs. That’s how you get involved in a hot mess that I’m going to need to figure out. Also, do we know anything that translates from Spanglish to ‘Red Stripes Ninja?’ Apparently, that’s a solid lead to what is going on with cartels here. Oh, Interrogator. I need access to my Medi-BAT because I’m pretty sure my status is not in the best shape right.”
Video turns off.
- May 29 - Medical Musings Monday - Walker
From the desk of Doctor Andrew "Scalpel Walker"
I’d like to take the time and dedicate this one to the greatest guy that ever lived. Charles Manson. No, not the one you are thinking of. The other one.
During an Alley Viper patient’s two-week follow-up appointment with our cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked. "The patch. Doctor Eddie told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. No, not his privates. Thankfully he didn’t get that ass naked. But... Yes, the simpleton had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include the removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
If it burns when you pee, you might need to blame Eddie!
-Walker
- May 29 - Where Things Stand - Interrogator
To: Cobra
From: Interrogator
The signs you have been Programmed By Mindbender and Inquisitor are:
Migraines lasting multiple days, often severe.
Confusion and Avoidance when those around you try to help find the cause of the Migraines.
Interrogator
- May 30 - Medical Experiments - Walker
From the Desk of Andrew 'Scalpel' Walker
Until further notice, all current medical experiments and activities performed by myself are currently considered to be tabled until a time that I, and only I, deem appropriate to consider. I have discovered some new data that I need to further research and develop before proceeding to prevent additional failures. To achieve one’s greatness, the mind, conscious, and subconscious spirit, and soul must be completely obliterated. I aim for nothing short of greatness at this point.
June 2023[]
- June 1 - 2022 Summary - Interrogator
To:Cobra
From Interrogator
Here is a list of what I did when and why. This covers December of 2022
12-08-2022 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/The_Price_of_Freedom )
Mu-NAM's (mechcannibal) real name is Odorklop Vrokanblag
Skyfire's recovery site in the 1980's might hold more information
Buster and Interrogator talk about Cobra joining the EDC
12-22-2022 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Fortuitous_Meetings )
Galactic Council and Black Block Consortia mentioned
Veritas Prime gave what she had on Galactic Law
13 Primes
1 Prime of the lineage of the Matrix, like Optimus Prime
CC asked about Forcefield Technology, Veritas Prime said force fields drew attention to cities under them
Ascension Program Tech used at Level 1
Veritas owns the Masquerade
12-25-2022 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Safari_Interrupted )
AI stages of becoming spoken of
Interrogator tells real identity
Veritas and Interrogator attempt to sync unsuccessfully
12-26-2022 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Game_Plan )
Interrogator follows Zarana to meet Bassett and learns Major Bludd is under the effect of the Silica Virus, along with the whole Grenoble Base
12-30-2022 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Chaos_before_the_Storm Also, I wasn't on Broadband and had no idea all that was happening. I turned it on during the 01-01-2023 scene )
Interrogator discovers the Sun is showing signs of massive gravatational disturbances
Veritas and Soundwave visit Crown City Palace
Interrogator mentions the Sun's activities may be mirroring that of Cybertron's sun before Ultrix was taken out
Veritas confirms they are the same
Veritas said Cybertron had an Earth day or two of warning. Interrogator orders everyone underground on Cobra Comms
Interrogator reveals the Chaos (ship where NAM came from) skipped system
July 2021 Chaos left, November of 2021 Ultrix destroyed, NAM is in gibbering panic mode
Prometheus mentions Liege Maximo on IRC
Interrogator takes off to France to deal with Major Bludd
12-31-2022 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Control_Interrupted )
Interrogator and Veritas confront Major Bludd with Zarana coming in later
Zarana gets the Gernoble Base Members underground using explosives while Interrogator brings Major Bludd back to sanity
Interrogator finds out Silica has the Starlight Girls at the Mansion in LA
Song and Counter-Song battle - Silica loses
Major Bludd heads to the Starlight Mansion in LA to be with Kimber and the Girls if the worst happens.
There Will be More Later,
Interrogator
- June 1 - January 2023 - Interrogator
To:Cobra
From: Interrogator
January 2023
01-01-2023 (OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Solar_Flare_Space_Strife )
There is a ripple of space itself to the sunward side of Earths moon. From it emerges a series of ships, sleek, dark, sporting an ancient Cybertronian emblem.
Singularity
Trucial Abysmia is a Decepticon territory, as said by Banshee
Singularity is looking for Lost Colony Records
Singularity hates organics, but says Earth hosts far more advanced species from time to time
Planetary Key is mentioned
Sigularity said on Broadband: We will reclaim what is -ours-.. And there is little you can go to stop my Liege. Pray to whatever gods you hold dear that he will overlook your filthy organic species. Or pray that your demise will be swift as we cyberform your planed and eradicate your species like the filth it is!
01-02-2023 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Showdown_at_Starlight_Mansion )
Interrogator went to Starlight Mansion and deployed stun gas grenades
Choirboy fired Silencer, an Ascension Wing device meant to stun opponents. It was unsuccessful against Major Bludd and Kimber because of Professional DJ grade Earplugs
Interrogator lost his temper on Broadband after Spike spoke and Interrogator was shot 3 times by Major Bludd
01-03-2023 IRC ONLY ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/WhyF )
Talk about mourning and AI development
Major Bludd brings up starting a group for recovery from Silica
01-05-2023 ( https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Back_and_Forth )
Interrogator and Major Bludd fight on IRC
Interrogator mentions starting a recover group for the Silica Virus
(OOC NOTE: later that day in LA Coffee House https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Magic_Cure )
Interrogator meets Major Bludd for coffee
Interrogator realizes the Silica Virus aftermath is like an addiction
OOC NOTE: Anything Interrogator said about Ascension Wing/Ascension Project could've been overheard and passed around and through the rumor mill by now.
01-06-2023 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Cultural_Concerns_and_Confusions )
Veritas is the Titan Calyhex's Administrator
Bedlam's name is mentioned as a Bad Mech
01-15-2023 - Early ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/With_Empty_Hands_Asking )
Interrogator visits the Arcadia and gets the idea to start a courier business to deliver goods from Extensive River
Interrogator finds out Esmeral and her Conjunct are looking for an Earth School for their Able to Pass For Human Son
Interrogator learns Starlock is working on a cure for the Sleeping Sickness
01-15-2023 - Later ( https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Interrogator_Meets_Alpha_Trion )
Alpha Trion lives again, in a new, more powerful body. Standing over 9 meters tall, the Sage of Cybertron wears a samurai-like purple helmet, with a dramatically sweeping crest. His sky-blue optics are focused and sharp and his white mustache and beard are immaculately maintained. A pale red collar protects his neck. A dramatic white cape extends from flared, spiked purple shoulder pads. His chest is silver with a glowing yellow orb at the center. His arms are lean but powerful, and his legs stand firmly on the ground. This is no doddering old mech, expounding cryptic advice. This is the warrior who led the Autobots against the Quintessons.
There was a huge battle between Singularity, Megatron, and Trypticon. Megatron won
Interrogator tells Alpha Trion about the Shadow in Veritas that urges her to sleep
01-16-2023 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Cobra_Chat )
New Harmonex, on Cybertron, has a Human Hotel
Galactic Payphones are a thing (see Interrogator for Galactic Phone Cards)
Interrogator was able to pilot Veritas to Cybertron, but the landing was rough
Interrogator explains he has people on Vilnacron
Storm Shadow says it's 'Pet Play' (Do NOT internet search that at work!!!)
Interrogator mentions Ascension Wing forged a weapon from him from the scrap they collected from the 01-01-2023 battle against Singularity in space
Interrogator said General Hawk came to visit him and the Wing at the field hospital they had set up to help with Silica Virus Recovery
Cobra Commander wants Baroness to put Wiretap on a project to build a Comms Array capable of reaching Cybertron. Wiretap is retired, so Cypher would be the next logical choice (I know Baroness and Cypher were in the process of gathering materials for one and it got canceled so we can pick that up again)
01-27-2023 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Cobra_Business_Meeting )
Interrogator meets with Cesspool
Interrogator tells Cesspool he's interested in energon
Interrogator says the Kirstovs have been buying up old Soviet bases and converting them to luxury survivalist bunkers since the Quintesson Invasion
Interrogator is not happy Cobra is back into Compound Z
Interrogator suggests to Cesspool he look into weapons that puncture Cybertronian armor and then release corrosives, as well as area effect knock out and neutralizing weapons
Cesspool mentions the Joes went Off World to help some aliens and gave the name 'Romulos (ooc note: Nebulous)
01-28-2023 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/The_Fine_Line )
Interrogator has learned the Planet the Joes went to is Nebulous
Vector Sigma is mentioned
Veritas is named as a Decepticon and having the Matrix
Scorpio - Sefu - mentions Ascenion Wing doesn't file flight plans
All Decepticons come from Megatronus, who was killed
All Femmes are descended from Solus
Alpha Trion is one of the original 13 Primes
01-30-2023 ( OOC NOTE: https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Mood_Music )
AnzacPoet links to a Silica Virus infected Jem song and Scorpio (Sefu) rus the HUNTER/PURGER program and cleans the file
There Will Be More Later,
Interrogator
- June 2 - Let’s Heart 2 Heart - Walker
Musings from the Medical Maniac Doctor* Andrew Walker
What are the odds that a Joe Greenshirt will attack and kill you? Almost zero. But what are the odds that you will be attacked and killed by your own heart? About 100 percent. Let’s talk about some ways to reduce your heart health risks.
1. Eat a well-rounded, balanced diet.
2. Don’t sit for too long. Get up and exercise to maintain a healthy weight.
3. Brush your teeth every day and don’t forget to floss.
4. Quit smoking and avoid secondhand smoke.
5. Snack smart throughout the day.
6. Get plenty of sleep.
7. Recognize and reduce stress in your life.
8. When you laugh, your heart rate increases, and you take many deep breaths. This means that more oxygenated blood is circulated through your body improving your vascular function. So with that said, please enjoy this screenshot of Interrogator’s Tinder Profile. Did you know he loves to laugh and enjoy long walks on the beach? Must love Communism...
9. Don’t date any of Mindbender’s science experiments. Interrogator, I'm looking at you again!
-Doctor Andrew ‘Scalpel’ Walker
*Just, because my Doctor Certification Paperwork came with a Kid's Meal, doesn’t mean I am any less than a real doctor.
- June 2 - IC Report: LRCS List - Cypher
The Following is the final list of items Cobra will need to secure for the Long Range Communications System, to build two full sized working models, as a prototype has been worked on and tested.
*4 Dielectric Mirrors from ThorLabs in New Jersey.
*2 Rubies, at least 6 inches in diameter, or around 50 carats, without flaws and a high level of Clarity. They should be round.
*30 pounds of 24 karat gold. This can be in bars, or any other form.
I am tenatively calling this the SCALE program, or Satelitte Communicates Array: Laser Enhanced
As soon as all of the required materials are gathered, each Array will take about 2 weeks to fabricate. One will be placed in Either Crown City , Cobra Unity, or on Cobra Island. The other should be placed on the Solar Serpent.
Small Scale communicators can be fabricated as well, but without the main Arrays, sending Longe Range, Intergalactic Communications will be immpossible.
Cypher
- June 4 - Business Trip - Interrogator
To: Cobra
From: Interrogator
Going Dark here Sunday 06-04-2023 until Wednesday 06-07-2023. Will try to send a report earlier if possible. I will take full responsibility for the actions of myself and Ascension Wing if this goes wrong and try to keep Cobra out of it.
Interrogator
- June 5 - Russia Report - Interrogator
To: Rank 6+
From: Interrogator
I wasn't physically hurt on my trip. I do need to stay in California at least Tuesday and will need to check on and research a few things as a result of my trip. Be extra careful in Russia and former Soviet areas. Baroness, I will be contacting you with details.
Interrogator
- June 6 - Appointment Only - Walker
From the Desk of Your Mom's Doctor Andrew Walker
I swear, someone keeps changing my medical title on me. Today's lesson comes from the Snow Viper incident. We had a Snow Viper eat a hundred dollar bill on a dare two days ago. I can't tell you the results because there's no change yet.
I'm going to be available exclusively only by appointment for the next few weeks. If you need something, don't look for me.
-Scalpel
- June 12 - February 2023 Summary - Interrogator
https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Inventory,_Cobra_Style 02-03-2023 THIS LOG IS IMPORTANT AS IT EXPLAINS ASCENSION WING'S GOALS AND MOTIVES AND PLANS FOR ACHIVING THEM
Storm Shadow comes to Crown City Palace in Cobra Unity where Ascension Wing is based
Interrogator explains Ascension Wing work arounds to the Tyrest Accords
Interrogator explains how Ascension Wing gets Off World News and Information through General News and Information Feeds (think of how on Earth we have News Sites and newsletters, like https://wgntv.com/ and https://www.popularmechanics.com/email/popularmechanics-newsletter)
https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Hanging_On_Hope 02-08-2023
On IRC, Interrogator announces Ascension Wing got space on Vilnacron and began taking up supplies
Also, underwear sharing discussion on IRC
https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Meeting_of_Monsters 02-13-2023
Interrogator meets Megatron in person in the Mojave Dessert and doesn't die
On IRC, Interrogator states he needs Megatron to kill Liege Maximo and Megatron needs him to handle Earth
Dazzlers are mentioned, and then used to cover Megatron as he flees to TA
On IRC, Interrogator and DukeNuke'em talk about Cobra/Joe relations and the possibility of working together
https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Just_Patio_Chat 02-18-2023
On IRC Interrogator says he cant fit into many people's pants, but he can get into almost anyone's pants
On IRC Subspace pockets are mentioned and Interrogator says he's looking into them
on IRC, Megatron logs on and after some comments about pants and kinks, logs off
Interrogator radios Storm shadow about Baron Ironblood being an imposter and to also look into the Black Major
At The Ray of Sunshine in LA, Interrogator tells Storm Shadow what he knows about Russia
Interrogator tries some light healing using psionics on Major Bludd and Storm Shadow
Interrogator finds out using psionics on Ninjas makes them try to punch you
Interrogator also notes there's one guy from Japan not into giant robots and tentacles
Interrogator says Ascension Wing's Psionics are based off of sound frequencies and light wavelengths and it all coming down to electricity, electro-magnetic fields and frequencies
Interrogator mentions he might be immune to the Brainwave Scanner
Interrogator mentions Synthoids on IRC to Maat and others
https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Ask_Permission_Before_Using 02-19-2023
The important parts were posted in a report on this bboard and is available in Interrogator's wiki page titled Feb 27 - Requisition Order
https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Cold_Slithering_into_a_Cure 02-20-2023
Zarana did well and the concert was a success
https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Clearing_the_Air 02-26-2023
Interrogator speaks with major Bludd about the Coltonbolt, Duke's Armor, and his fears on Cobra Commander's response to Broca's Destruction and the attack on the Solar Serpent and the stolen Stellar Stiletto
https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Off_The_Books_Business 02-28-2023
Interrogator, Major Bludd, and Duke meet in the LA Coffee Shop to discuss plans for rescuing Wisp from the Siberian Citadel
Interrogator lets them on the Ascension Wing Comms
- June 13 - Field Report - Barghest
From: Barghest
To: Cobra Command Personnel
On sight, near the Valley in Myanmar. I'm preparing strike time to coincide when the next shipment is being hauled out. Security is high, regardless. Could do this either way, loud or quiet. Zartan and Zarana'd be useful for this to be quiet. Over Kill and the Dreadnoks if it goes loud.
Either way I am ordering several transport choppers on sight; I intend to gather as much whole-sale so Cypher can get her pick of the lot... and we can put the rest of it in storage or add it to funding coffers.
Cypher, if you have any particular requests of me while I'm out here in the jungle, let me know.
- June 14 - Update: Arashikage - Inquisitor
**Encrypted to Command** (rank 6+, open to all in 2 days)
Inquisitor reporting on the Arashikage project. The training of our inserts continues in the castle with bi-weekly rotations in and out to support that families ?concept? of taking in interested and those who won?t comment departing after a short time period. The new ?Master? appears to be unaware of the levels of deception currently in play, focused on the families mourning period. We have been rotating through both the Red Ninjas who are agreeable and the Black Dragons with feedback from both groups that the new ?Young Master? is surprisingly attuned to student needs and able to convey the training to various levels. A born teacher. He was unavailable for a short time as apparently he was tasked with following up on Storm Shadows belongings and bequeaths but returned.
He has come to the bargaining table for extended contracts with a negative outlook, resisting committing to additional work and our inserts report that he is seeking to break the contract we have with him for Sean Broca. Who has not reported back in. If Throwdown is seen, a retrieval is requested as some touch up work may be needed.
While the project was established under the guise of contract work, we have enough of our own inside the castle to take it from within from my understanding should the new Master continue to prove as disagreeable as his predecessor in fully committing to Cobra willingly.
Do not let the apparent youth of the newest scion of family Arashikage lure anyone into complacency. While reports have him as much more... formal and quiet than Storm Shadow, he remains one of -them- and should be treated guardedly. I would prefer that we ensure him and his are locked into a contract that their ?nobility? and ?honor? holds them to for our own benefit verses other means. But we can and will resort to those other means should we need to.
The new Master is traveling to San Francisco on the 19th to complete their little mourning rituals at the family place there. Should any of ours be invited and attend, report back immediately.
Inquisitor out.
- June 15 - False Information - Interrogator
To: Cobra
From: Interrogator
Interrogator appears in a video post with his helmet off. He looks tired and says coldly with a thin smile, "I was fooled by an old enemy's offspring into believing I knew Inquisitor's identity. This has been proven false, and the offspring have been dealt with appropriately.
He says gently and honestly, "I apologize for any hardship this has caused anyone, especially the wrongfully accused, and will investigate more thoroughly in the future."
"Bleepards got me good!", he growls angrily as he shuts off the camera, which by what else appears in the feed is the one in his helmet.
- June 15 - Mandatory Annual Bloodwork - Walker
From: Doctor Andrew "Scalpel" Walker
All personal are required for bloodwork at their earliest for additional screeninings. Please see myself of my trusty associate who forgot the ociate part, Doctor 'Eddie' with is PhD* for this screening.
*Probably High & Drunk
- June 15 - Burn Notice: Barghest - Walker
To: Cobra Personnel
From: Scalpel
Barghest is no longer eligible for medical treatment and is denied all access to medical supplies and attention. His insubordination for a mandatory routine blood test and his disrespect to authority and protocol have stripped him of all medical privileges. Anyone found to be working with Barghest will also be denied coverage.
Have a nice dosage of FAFO,
Scalpel
- June 16 - Barghest - Interrogator
To: Cobra
From: Interrogator
As Barghest is involved in an important mission for Cobra, and I have personally visited and seen to him Friday, he can continue with the mission. As for banning and denying medical care to Barghest, Scalpel, that's between you and him. Banning those he may need for the mission to progress from access to supplies and medical care is overridden, as I outrank Scalpel.
Interrogator
- June 23 - IC Notice: Unconventional Warfare - Baroness
TO All Cobra Troops
FROM Baroness
RE: Unconventional Warfare
With the death of Storm Shadow, and Firefly's promotion to UCW's Commanding Officer, Guillotine is hearby promoted to UCW's Executive Officer.
Tomax, Xamot, please ensure that you update Guilltine's payrecords, and I will update his Intelligence Clearance level.
Baroness
- June 23 - Myanmar AAR - Barghest
To: Cobra Comand
From: Barghest
AAR - Myanmar - Operation Blood Drops
Mission operation overall success - From positioning established during long recon in Myanmar, an optimal position was taken and elements on site; Interrogator, Cypher, Deadline and myself, were able to ambush an armored car hauling a load of raw gemstones from one of the mining facilities, destined for the town of Mogok.
Interrogator and Deadline were essential in neutralizing transport security and Cypher minimized armored car defenses, forcing personnel into the open for neutralization. The entire shipment was retrieved and the armored car with its load in full were transferred back to base.
All objectives achieved and exceeded.
https://tfumux.fandom.com/wiki/Solidified_Blood_Drops
- June 25 - MASS Requisition - Barghest
From: Barghest
To: Cobra Command / R&D
The MASS device could be of considerable benefit to the SCALE project as well as future endeavors. While I'm out here with Cypher's shopping list - what do we need to make this more viable for regular operation? If I'm crawling across cities and jungles may as well put more on the shopping list while I'm out here.
R&D, I need what is required for this to proceed.
- June 25 - MASS Materials List - Interrogator
To: Cobra
ATTN: Barghest
From: Interrogator
A quick search of R&D databases lists the following:
Radioactive Crystals
Heavy Water
Crushed Metallic Ore
I wasn't involved in the Project, so if there's more needed, I can dig deeper. If anyone has more information available, feel free to add it.
Interrogator
- June 26 - Luck Progress - Major Bludd
The planning phase for the underground structures and transit/escape tunnels is complete and construction work has begun. As more Crimson Guardsmen and Techno-Vipers are moved into the town, homes are being built in Ranch Corba to accomodate them. Primary and secondary schools are preparing to receive students in the fall. Staffing at the North Luck office has been filled out. All necessary positions are competently occupied. Several applications for small businesses have been received and are being processed. A small airfield has been constructed to facilitate transport in and out of the area from afar.
- June 27 - SCALES Project - Cypher
Through much trial and error, and with the assistance of a Techno-Viper skilled in Gem Cutting, the first Ruby has been prepared for one of two Test SCALES Prototypes. Therese will be fitted into the Arrays as the required component to make the Lasers.
There are still plenty of Rubies of sufficient Size that should things need to be changed, after the test runs, we should be fine.
I will require an Astro-Designer, to design a Satelitte system to hold the Laser Emittor, but that can likely wait until we have the two other needed components for the SCALES Project.
Cypher
- June 28 - AAR: San Francisco - Deadline
(Eddie is making a video post. He's sliced into ribbons, scraped up, bloodied, bruised, and is a much bigger mess than ususal.)
"So there I was, in San Francisco, mindin' my own business when along comes this stripper I met." Eddie puts his index finger up. "Hold up, you'll see why this is important later, wait 'till the end. Anyhow, the stripper's name is Sel." He describes Greathawk in painstaking detail. "So she sees me...doin' what I'm doin', and she like, pulls her phone out an' starts recordin' me, 'I'm gonna call the cops! Blah blah blah!' So I ask her real nice to leave me alone, an' she JUMPS me! I had no choice...I had to defend myself, bruh, so I hit her with...uh...a 'sedative', I think. Whatever was in the kit, I got her with. Forgot what I had mixed up in there."
"So she's all flippin' out like a Karen now. Comes at me in the parkin' lot with her damn stiletto shoe. An' STILL I'm like...sister, you need to calm down, right? Then I hear the sounds of a damn JET...an' a JET comes over the parkin' lot...then I swear to god, this NINJA comes droppin' out of the plane an' starts throwin' ninja stars at me." He describes Kamakura in his full ninja garb. "So now, I got the two of them tryin' to kill me -- just straight up freakin' out an' tryin' to murder me! So I know this makes it worse, but I fired off a warning shot. I was just tryin' to warn them off. But it hit Sel. Oops, right?! The ninja's in hot pursuit -- throwin' stars, I got them stuck in me now he threw so many. But I lost him at the BARTA station."
Eddie lights a cigarette. "Just a warnin' to you guys, these two got no chill at ALL. I didn't even have my uniform on, okay?? Just had my civvies on, doin' my usual thing an' mindin' my own business, and they came at me like a freight train off the rails! If you gotta go to San Francisco for somethin', make sure you're packing heat, or bring a partner. They don't play there. Eddie out."
- June 29 - AAR - Zurich Op - Barghest
To: Cobra Command
From: Barghest
Zurich Operation a success.
Zartan and The Baroness leading one infiltration team with myself, Metal-Head and Medi-Viper 64 on the other with Strato-Viper air-cover and Scalpel on lookout overwatch.
Entry to the vault was loud, as expected, but no casualties to report and a total of thirty bars of Twenty-Four Karat gold were acquired, total weight; eight hundred and ten pounds. Plenty for Cypher and more to spare for other projects. Laying low for a short time before prepping to acquire the mirrors needed.
July 2023[]
- July 2 - Request - Walker
From the Desk of Doctor Andrew Walker
My patient, an unnamed Dreadnok, announced he had good news and bad. "The medicine for my earache worked," he said. "What’s the bad news?" I asked. "It tasted awful." Since he was feeling better, I didn’t have the heart to tell him they’re called eardrops for a reason. That being said, please read your notes and instructions before taking what we give you.
- July 7 - New Jersey AAR - Barghest
To Command
Operation in Jersey was a success, despite Interrogator's curious broadcast as we were exfiltrating. Several cases of Broadband Diaelctric Mirrors were retrieved, rather than fused silicate, to give Cypher the best possible quality that we can manage for the SCALES project.
G.I. Joe was somehow aware of the operation, suggest a re-evaluation of comms security as the Joes likely have some of our frequencies.
Artemis was incapacitated, I was injured and Over Kill was damaged.
Once I am cleared for duty again, I will be available for assignment.
Barghest - Alley-Viper Command
- July 8 - Ascension Wing - Interrogator
To:Cobra
From: Interrogator
Interrogator is in a bed in a nice guest room, recording this on his helmet. He's wearing his G1 Uniform still, but has no weapons. He exhausted, but not as shellshocked.
He says quietly, "Cobra Commander seems to be back. I will speak with him more, to confirm things. I will need to go get Peklabog, as I was dropped off as a precaution. We've all dealt with Imposters before and like I said on Broadband, Trust, but Verify. Too bad those paranoid *bleepards* in Russia didn't follow it. Too bad I'm as paranoid as them. I admit it though, so can work on it."
He reaches out and shuts down the recording.
- July 9 - Thank You, Walker - Interrogator
To: Cobra
From Interrogator
Thank you for your lovely freed ad. Here's your payment, in information. With tip added.
Your theme song is: Warren Zevon - Mr. Bad Example
- July 9 - Material Lists - Barghest
To: Command
With the gold heist from Zurich, half of the eight hundred and ten pound total is worth eleven point three million US, Eight point nine million Pounds Stirling or Ten point four million in Euros.
I would like to begin work for enhancing personal armor for agents BATS and Vipers as becomes available; for such we will need the following:
Plans for the Washington Mills Boron Carbide manufacture - they are the sole producer of B4C on earth and it is the strongest and lightest, armor ceramic.
Plans for a Jiangsu Cnano Technology nanotube furnace. JCT is the best manufacturer of carbon nanotubes, their design will allow nanocarbon tube fibers for the creation of 'tube mats' to layer with thinner B4C plates between, creating a form of nanotube kevlar to slow projectile impact with the plates in place to shatter them.
With the potential budget listed above, Intelligence and R&D would have plenty to begin financial influences to pin-point where we can acquire the manufacture equipment designs for these materials; whether they need to be purchased under the table or stolen by the Nerds or by good old fashioned blood and violence.
These materials would also lend towards our own development of equipment to combat Greathawk and Colton Bolt technology by allowing us to armor and construct frames for mechanized personal equipment.
If we need to infiltrate their manufacture locations to have old cold war era 'photo spying' done, I will need to re-stock my Compound-Z ampules back up for some distraction operations. I may have a few in cold storage, though.
Barghest
- July 9 - Materials and Manuals - Interrogator
To: Command, Barghest
From: Interrogator
If Baroness or anyone hasn't already, I can meet with you to give you Ascension Wing Training Manuals and discuss what aid I can provide. Ascension Wing is a mobile Intel/R&D Field Unit focused on Off World Tech. We fund ourselves, since Cobra Commander generously didn't kill us when we took off with our vehicles.
It seems maybe Earth might be better prepared for what's out there and what's coming than I thought, it's just getting all the pieces together.
- July 10 - IC Report: Thor Labs - Artemis
TO: Command
FROM: Artemis
RE: After Action Report and Medical Information
During the raid on Thor Labs, I was engaged with a Greenshirt group, before taking Sniper Fire. I lost the Servomotor in my left arm, which has had to have been replaced. A final shot from the Sniper (Whose Identity is not known) took out the power supply for all my Cybernetics. This shot ended the fight for myself, and I woke up on Cobra Island.
All damage to my Cybernetics have been completed, and the bullet wound in my leg has also been patched up.
I will be able to return to duty Thursday, or so.
Artemis
- July 16 - IC Report: S.C.A.L.E.S. Project Up - Cypher
TO: Cobra Command (Rumours of the post Mon., full knowledge Tues)
FROM: Cypher
RE: S.C.A.L.E.S. Project Satelitte
With the assistance of Techno-Vipers, other Tele-Vipers, and Dr. Garmin (Admittedly, her help was forced upon her) we have a working Satelitte Design for the S.C.A.L.E.S. Project. This will need to be fabricated, so that a Prototype of the Laser Communications System can be fitted onto it. This will allow for a test run of the system, before other Arrays are built for a Working Model. I have plans to place one in the Communications Array on Cobra Island, One in Crown City, Cobra Unity, One on the Solar Serpent, and perhaps one in the Communications Array of the Silent Castle, and any other facility that Cobra Commander might require.
The testing will need to be done within Earth's Near Orbit, perhaps as far as the moon. I do not want to install the prototype on any finished system, as there is a danger that if we have not calibrated it correctly, it could cause an overload to the system, and if we used the Solar Serpent, for example, all power to the Station would be offline, until it could be repaired.
Once the Prototype Satelitte is fabricated, testing can begin at once. I will need to have one of the Stellar Stilleto's go as far out towards the Moon, or beyond it, as possible, and still be able to return, so we can test the different Communications Lag between the Laser and regular Radio Signals.
Cypher
- July 22 - Tech Retrieval - Barghest
To: Communications
The personal research files of Fedir Ponomarenko, Hiroyuki Wanatanabe, Margaret Olafur, and Greta Skogstad have been acquired and the authors eliminated.
While this does not guarantee there not being backups of their work elsewhere or with their home universities - it assures they cannot be pooled as leads in their fields with laser satellite communications by outside forces should investigation be levied against the S.C.A.L.E.S. program.
Their work has been left in Cypher's office.
I am returning to the field.
- - Barghest
- July 29 - B.A.T. Requisition - Barghest
TO: Baroness, Over Kill
Requesting two dozen construction B.A.T.s in Virginia assisting my Alley Vipers. We are beginning to have the subterranean B.A.T. factory fully disassembled and will begin packing for movement to the new facility being excavated near Luck.
The entryway is finished and is not near the settlement, per Bludd's stipulations.
Baroness, I am requesting command accesses to Over Kill during this project as well.
Barghest
- July 30 - Japan Project Report - Inquisitor
This is a text only report aimed to the higher command: CO's of divisions, XOs, and higher, (OOC Note: Report becomes more general knowledge in 48 hours after post)
Inquisitor's helmeted visage pops into view, voice digitalized per her usual operating parameters.
The Japan Project has run into a deeper issue than expected or anticipated. On June 25th, all Cobra allies and operatives were forcefully ejected from the Arashikage-jo in Japan. We had total control over the complex itself or so I was led to believe. Our own forces as well as Aleph's Night Creepers were unable to hold off the assault and after heavy fighting, we were forced to evaluate continuing and sustaining additional losses or withdraw.
Aleph reported that the heir had broken the conditioning and control we had loosely over him. While hostile, they did allow us to leave with our wounded. I would gauge their disposition towards our organization as a whole as hostile but not aggressive save in this situation where we were in their holdings. And I would consider what loose contracts we had started to build with the new heir as forcefully terminated based on unwelcomed and uninvited occupation of their home. Quite prickly about what they see as manners and proper behavior.
As I did not see Arashikage Tomas myself, I leave reporting the particulars of that to Aleph and his team. Outside of a general uniform appearance, there was little to nothing to identify the attackers as far as identifying who was there by face or name. Most were silent as the shadows rumored to spawn such sorts. I will be on Cobra Island recovering from the events myself.
Please forward all invoices to Xamot, Aleph, for review against what contracts you have in place.
OOCNote: This is from Inquisitors POV and is a CYA moment for her ;)
- July 31 - RE: B.A.T. Requisition - Baroness
TO: Barghest
CC: Over Kill
From: Baroness
RE: B.A.T. Requisition
Use of B.A.T.'s Approved.
Limited Command Access to Over Kill will be granted. Allowing for giving of orders for routine work during the project. This will allow for self defense, defense of Cobra Agents, and Defense of Cobra Property. Further Actions will still need to be approved at the High Command Level. Offensive Action by myself, or the Commander
Baroness
August 2023[]
- August 15 - Medical Updates - Walker
Subject: **Medical Log: Hilarious Misadventures of Cobra Soldiers**
Date: August 15, 2023
Location: Cobra Island
Dear Medical Journal Addicts,
Once again, I find myself documenting the absolutely absurd medical emergencies that the Cobra soldiers have managed to get themselves into. It's as if they have a hidden talent for turning ordinary situations into comical disasters. Here are the latest entries:
**1. Tele-Viper Jones and the Banana Peel Incident:**
Tele-ViperJones slipped on a strategically placed banana peel during morning drills. He managed to sprain his ankle and twist his wrist while trying to break his fall. I've recommended he watch his step more carefully, but he insists that the Joes are behind this.
**2. Alley Viper Smith's Sneeze Attack:**
Alley Viper Smith experienced an unfortunate sneezing fit while operating a remote control drone. He lost control of the drone and sent it crashing into a tree. While retrieving the drone, he tripped on a root and ended up with a bruised ego and a scraped knee. He now claims to be allergic to tree pollen.
**3. Viper Officer Ramirez vs. The Mess Hall Spaghetti:**
Viper Officer Ramirez managed to get himself entangled in a spaghetti disaster in the mess hall. While attempting to impress his fellow Vipers with his twirling skills, his fork caught on a piece of spaghetti, causing it to fling sauce all over his uniform and face. He has requested a new code name - "Saucy Serpent."
**4. Air-Viper Anderson's Parachuting Prank:**
Lieutenant Anderson thought it would be hilarious to rig his own parachute with spiders to prank his fellow soldiers. However, upon deployment, he was so startled by the spiders that he lost control and ended up tangled in a tree. It took the extraction team hours to rescue him, while the spiders enjoyed a lovely view of the base.
**5. Flak-Viper Thompson and the Treadmill Tango:**
Captain Thompson attempted to multi-task by reading classified documents while using the base's treadmill. He tripped on his own shoelace, stumbled, and was launched off the treadmill in an unintentional interpretive dance performance. He sustained only minor bruises to his pride.
**6. H.E.A.T. Viper Anderson's MRE Mishap:**
Private Anderson misunderstood the concept of MRE (Meals Ready to Eat) and tried to microwave his beef stew. The resulting explosion left the microwave in shambles and Anderson covered in bits of stew. I've advised him to stick to cold sandwiches for a while.
These incidents never cease to amaze me. I can only hope that the Cobra Viper soldiers will one day manage to channel their enthusiasm for chaos into something slightly less... well, chaotic. Until then, I'll keep my medical kit well-stocked and my sense of humor intact.
Yours in hilarity,
Dr. Andrew 'Scalpel' Walker
- August 16 - The Crabs Incident - Zarana
Dreadknok Lab Breakin
Yo uh we kind of might have hit a lab and broken a few things when we were pillaging it. It was just them working over with some of the goo things from the last year fish invasion or whatever it was that the Joes deployed their robot thing against.
Uh, the lab was tryin' to make giant fish to help with curin' world hunger.
So, long story short is we burnt and looted the lab and may have kinda exterminated a group of three or four meter long crabs 'an lobsters.
Secondarily, is anyone willing to share their butter and salt rations? We kinda need in bulk and a hurry.
Z
- August 18 - Cobra Command Meeting: 9/12 7 PM ET - Cobra Commander
COBRAAAA! Cobra Commander is back from his self-inflicted exile, and there are going to be some big changes in the works. All Cobra welcome – if you’re not Cobra Command, assume you were ordered to attend by your commander in case Cobra Commander had specific questions about your current assignment. All Cobra (and G.I. Joes spies, I suppose) welcome; anyone who can’t make it feel free to send me notes to bring up at the meeting on your character’s behalf. Tuesday, 9/12 7 PM EST.
- August 19 - Operation Crystal Clear AAR - Barghest
To: Command Staff
Operation Crystal Clear in the Arctic Circle has been a success, four B.A.T. units were critically damaged and we have minor wounded, caused by a contingent of G.I. Joe who had attempted to halt operations.
Over Kill, CG-392 and TV-369 performed above expectations and beyond mission requirements.
The crystals radiation signatures are significant and are being transported via shielded containers to R&D for investigation into how useful they can be for the MASS project.
Supplemental: I would like to request additional command priorities regarding Over Kill and should the power output of the crystals acquired be sufficient, I would like one rod worth for the Factory project.
-- Barghest
- August 23 - Secret US Base - Torch
Torch appears in a video that looks like it was recorded on a cell phone. Behind him are thick ironbark woodlands. He squints at the phone and then says at last, "Oi! Zartan! I was hidin’ in the woods from some coppers, and I found sommit interesting, mate." He turns the phone around, and shakily shows a perimeter fence hidden in the forest. He turns the camera around. "Looks like a seppo base, but there are no flags, an’ the security tech is a sight advanced for anythin’ we gots."
Torch frowns, taking a moment to scratch at his scraggly brown beard. "Why would the seppos hide a black site here in Blackbraes of all places? Anyway, I thought I would report in. I’m sendin’ this directly to your account, so ya can share it wit’ the others if ya choose." < Actually, he posted it to the entire Cobra server. > "I’m gonna shoot through for now, but if ya need us to boin it down or anything, just let us know, mate." With a broad grin, he fumbles a bit before finally ending the recording.
- August 26 - Cybertronian Acquisition - Barghest
To: Command
In light of information gleaned while moving about the orbital station, not ours the other one, I've come to the understanding that there's some sort of giant factory having been found by the robots and none of them own it. But they'll be squabbling for it.
I want to take Over Kill and anyone who wants to volunteer for a trek to their planet and see what we can acquire. We may not be able to set up a permanent foothold on their world, but maybe we could take some back with us. If we could get some of their automation technology the potential for B.A.T. production could become limitless.
Additionally weapons tech could tip scales in our favor.
-- Barghest
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- August 30 - re: The Crabs Incident - Walker
From: Andrew 'Scalpel' Walker
To: Zarana, Staff
Subject: re: The Crabs Incident
Hey everyone,
I wanted to share something hilarious and relieving with you all. You won't believe the sigh of relief that escaped me when I found out that "The Crabs Incident" was all about our adorable crustacean friends, the crabs! As a doctor, you can imagine my initial concern. But rest assured, we're in the clear.
But if you find yourself dealing crabs... also known as lice... because... have you ever thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be hilarious if my body turned into a wildlife sanctuary for lice and crabs?" Well, guess what? Your wish has come true! Join me on this wild journey as we navigate the fabulous world of DIY treatment for these party-loving pests. Let's dive right in, shall we?
**Step 1: The Seafood Delight Scalp Soak**
Transform your scalp into a seafood buffet paradise! Fill your bathtub with warm water, add a sprinkle of salt (for that authentic ocean vibe), and let those lice and crabs experience the finest aquatic adventure. Maybe even hum some soothing ocean tunes to set the mood! Then, see the Medical Center for proper treatment!
**Step 2: The Disco-Dandruff Dance Party**
Turn your hair into a dance floor and throw a bash like no other! Blast your favorite dance tracks while gently shaking your head to create the ultimate dandruff disco effect. Lice and crabs won't be able to resist showing off their groove! Then, see the Medical Center for proper treatment!
**Step 3: Love Letters to Your New BFFs**
Pen heartfelt letters to your uninvited guests. Express your gratitude for their unique presence and share your daily routines. Who knows, you might become the Shakespeare of the lice and crab community! Then, see the Medical Center for proper treatment!
Step 4: Fashion Forward Shell Styling**
It's makeover time! Accessorize your hair with stylish shell hats, tiny crab crowns, and lice-sized sunglasses. You'll be the trendsetter of the microscopic world - no doubt about it! Then, see the Medical Center for proper treatment!
**Step 5: The Mini Monopoly Marathon**
Host a game night for your tiny companions! Set up a teeny Monopoly board and let them indulge in property trading and rent-collecting, all while you chant, "Advance to Go, collect two seaweed leaves!" Then, see the Medical Center for proper treatment!
**Step 6: Farewell Party**
Bid adieu to your guests with a grand farewell party they won't forget! Arrange a mini parade where lice and crabs march proudly out of your hair. Offer them miniature cupcakes and wish them luck in their next adventure. Then, see the Medical Center for proper treatment!
Remember, my bug-tastic buddies, life is about making memories, even when dealing with these uninvited plus-ones. So, embrace the itchiness and infuse your treatment process with laughter and creativity. You'll not only be pest-free but also the talk of the microscopic town! Or simply, don't spend the night with Eddie!
Stay quirky and pest-free,
Andrew 'Scalpel' Walker
PS: Itching you all the best!
September 2023[]
- September 1 - R&D Requisition - Barghest
To: R&D
I am in need of a prototype B.A.T. endoskeleton, approximately .60 meters in heigh... two feet for you yanks. It needs to have a maximum weight of 2.72 kilograms or six pounds. Minimal defensive protocols, SERE priority. Complete destruction of all vital components if unable to escape. Enhanced programming for observation and recon.
- Barghest
- September 2 - PRIORITY REPORT - Barghest
TO: R&D, Cobra High Command
*** ALERT! PRIORITY ALERT! ALERT! ***
This is Barghest - I have returned from a scouting foray to Cybertron. I have retrieved a nearly fully intact alien corpse, with some sort of poison and physical damage causing its termination. An entity *** Helm-Cam recording footage of Backblast *** identified one of the substances acquired as 'Tox-en'.
*** Imagery of a glowing green 'energon' like substance ***
In addition to the corpse and samples of fresh but inert energon, I have acquired a live specimen. An insectile like entity. It was the head of a combiner like the Constructicons and Seacons.
*** Imagery of a Mosquiticon, small but still approximately half the size of a Buzzboar. Wrapped in restraints and clearly being hit with periodical electrical and EMP charges. ***
We're keeping it sedated and under constant watch. We don't know how long it will keep before it either dies or we have to kill it. But this is a chance to advance our understanding of these things and means to potentially replicate their technology for our own purposes. Interrogator, Inquisitor, Dr. Mindbender, Over Kill - I feel this needs to be an alpha level priority, especially for the potential of what it could do for our B.A.T. program.
*** OOC NOTE: This mosquiticon will live 2 weeks before it will terminate without connection to its hive link. Per Starbolt. Please reach out to Starbolt regarding scenes revolving around examination/research of the creature. ***
- September 3 - Back From Russia - Interrogator
To: Cobra
From: Interrogator
I've been in Russia seeing to things and speaking with the people about what to do when the Dire Wraiths are evicted or killed. Though reluctantly, that included the October Guard. Russia does not want foreign rule, including Cobra and the plans for the reworking of the government include the old KGB and current Russian Mob as possibly assisting me on off world missions as they are extremely angry that this happened and frequently ask "Where were the EDC and Autobots? Why hasn't anyone done anything about preventing Off Worlders entering Earth?" While I explained Ascension Wing has been trying, we were trying to do so under the radar and with limited resources and personnel as the project was ordered to be kept secret, even from other Cobra. I did share with them non-combat knowledge of Off-World as I do not want to see this happen again, whether to Russia or elsewhere on Earth. Victor Kirstov V has been assisting me with the meetings and they do appreciate those who have helped.
As for the times I was not meeting or scouting, I was going through the data and samples I had and also information Ascension Wing and I had gathered about Off World. I see Barghest has captured a Cybertronian and will be returning to Cobra Island immediately to assist in studying it, as well as the crystals for the MASS Device and any other projects needed.
Good job,
Interrogator
- September 4 - Tokyo Run-In - Barghest
To: Unconventional Warfare
Was in Tokyo, doing observation on the Arishikage complex. When an unknown female exited and went to downtown.
Helmet Cam footage of Selene Greathawk
I attempted to acquire her to get either information or a bargaining chip, she fought back and sported some sort of alien-tech combat suit. She managed to fly away and I was unable to pursue. I sustained injury during the altercation. I'm reporting to medical in the meantime, But suggest we follow and potentially attempt capture of this figure. We could use her tech.
-- Barghest.
- September 6 - Food Pyramid Scheme! - Walker
Greetings, you miserable bunch of Cobra recruits! It's me, your favorite doctor with the bedside manners of a bonesaw... Dr. Andrew 'Scalpel' Walker. Today, I've got something more important than discussing your insignificant ailments or battle scars - I'm here to talk about your diets. Yes, even you ruthless, world-conquering Cobra soldiers need to watch what you eat.
Now, I may not be the most charming physician, but I do care about your well-being, in a very clinical, detached sort of way. Lately, I've been noticing a disturbing trend among you Cobra grunts. It seems like the only green things you're interested in are dollar bills. I'm talking about your pathetic lack of vegetable and fruit intake!
You lot better not be surviving on a diet of Twinkies and Cobra Cola alone. Those processed snacks are not going to keep you in peak condition when you're out there on the battlefield, plotting world domination. You need the nutrients and vitamins that only fruits and vegetables can provide.
Now, I've heard rumors that the Tele-Vipers have been picking up an influx of text messages involving eggplant and peach emojis. You dirty-minded rascals! Let's redirect that energy towards eating real fruits and vegetables. Eggplants and peaches are nice and all, but you need a variety of greens, reds, and yellows on your plate.
Here's a little tip for you tech-savvy Cobra operatives: the more colorful your plate, the better it is for your health. Tomatoes, peppers, carrots, spinach - these are the real power foods. They'll give you the strength to crush your enemies and, dare I say it, make me less irritated when you stumble into my infirmary.
So, let this be a lesson to you all. Start incorporating more fruits and vegetables into your diet. It's not just about staying in peak physical condition; it's also about keeping your brains sharp and your energy high for all the nefarious schemes and world domination plots we have going on.
And just remember, if you don't listen to me and end up with scurvy or some other preventable ailment, you'll have no one to blame but yourselves. So eat your greens, you Cobra crazies, and maybe one day I'll be just a little less grumpy when I have to patch you up.
Until then, keep conquering the world and munching on those fruits and veggies. Dr. Scalpel out.
- September 10 - Bikini Atoll AAR - Barghest
To: Command
No success at Bikini Atoll. B.A.T. units were only receiving commands from myself but not Over Kill. Over Kill needs to report to technical for a check on his CIC systems for the B.A.T. Network.
Interrogator was able to help pin-point a potential point for additional investigation if we return to Bikini Atoll - but if we acquire refined uranium rods of similar specification as used in US Atomic Bomb tests we might be able to solve our heavy water requirements without risking additional exposure.
I will be convening with Hydroviper, Lamprey and Sea Slug command, to see about organizing further. Potentially we might utilize the Toxic-Vipers to possibly tap into the Chernobyl water tables. It might prove a better option.
-- Barghest
- September 11 - Dr Walker is Correct - Interrogator
TO: Cobra
FROM: Interrogator
Dr Walker "Scalpel" is correct in diet playing an import part in the life of a Soldier, and anyone. Wars, and even Battles have been lost due to malnutrition and/or lack of clean drinking water. Ascension Wing has been on diets to help them be their best for years, and we would not have gotten as far as we have without proper nutrition. Diets, like any other regimen, require a specialist to determine which is best for you and you need to be honest with the dietician. I'm not saying you have to follow it perfectly, after all, even I have some Vodka or Brandy now and then and vape. I know some Wing members go out to Fast Food places, however, we do so in moderation and inform the dietician.
Barghest, I know the woman in the picture you posted and, when you have time, would like to speak with you about her. She's not my experiment, however, I have reasons for wanting her free to observe what she does and how. I know there is a Male out there, but have yet to meet him in person. He utterly trolled me on dal.net however. He should be considered as dangerous as her and I have reasons why he should be free as it will increase the chances of me meeting him in-person for detailed assessment and I want to observe what he does and how. The answer to 'Why' I already know and it ties into the Alternate Universes that are leaking into ours. They claim their Universe was destroyed and was emboiled in a War with the Decepticons where even the Autobots treated Humans like trash and Non-Entities. A cautionary tale, as I can not confirm, however, I have shown how the Autobots gaslight our species and have since reactivating in the 1980's.
I did try to get information from Eddie "Deadline" on how he got here, all he said was he was driving in the South West United States at over 80 (or was it 88?) mph when iot happened. He has gone back and tried to find the portal and failed. What disturbs me is he saw no machinery, technology, or anything out of the ordinary.
The National Enquirer has published articles on the Russia situation and while a gossip rag that also published 'details' about my relationship with Veritas/Veri needs to have an eye kept on it. Tele-Viper 6988 aka 'Perv Queen' brought those articles to my attention while I was reading the Cobra reports as I didn't keep up with while in Russia.
Choirboy continues to try to establish himself as Cobra's connection to the Underworld to replace our presence there we lost when Headman went rogue through the Mafia and Sefu's contacts in Africa, along with mine in Russia. Unfortunately, he requires The Choir to do so, which means Ascension Wing is down Combat Personnel. The good news is they're not using space capable vehicles and using mostly older tech. There's still a squad able to respond to Space/Off World emergencies though, and Choirboy has Showstopper.
As for the mission at the Bikini Atoll, I have been negligent in my duties and Over Kill and his BATs have suffered because of it. I will be sending Barghest, as BAT Commanding Human, the schematics and upgrades Ascension Wing and I came up with for the BATs. Over Kill can only function as well as he is updated and upgraded and his BATs the same. I intend to focus more attention on upgrading all of Cobra's Non-Organic Technology as I'm rather upset about certain aspects of Organic Experimentation currently. If Dr Mindbender wishes to meet and discuss things, I am available. If he'd rather I give what I'm willing to to Cobra Commander, I am willing to do so.
My Radio is on, Comms Open,
Interrogator
- September 11 - To:Cobra Commander - Interrogator
*Due to the mismashed formatting of the send code, possibly a result of the experimental parts of Peklabog's sensors malfunctioning. just go with it so y'all can rp off it*
Sir, you have my intel on Greathawk and have probably read the documents I sent you so know why I wish her and the male to remain free. Sadly, Earth needs the EDC as I do not believe even with the knowledge I've gained I can have Cobra ready to face Liege.
I'm having a hard time convincing Russians we can do something about their problem. I haven't heard from Kreiger or Iron Klaw and the silence disturbs me. Also, while the Wing is trying it's damnedest, we're not getting the raw materials we need on the scale we need because there's hoarding of war supplies. Neither are we able to secure the facilities we need to mass produce vehicles. I'm afraid I'm failing at making Ascension Wing entirely self-sustaining, and Ascension Wing was to be the test if Cobra could become so as well. So looks like Destro is our only option. I want the Crimson Twins to write up bulletbroof copywrites for what I share with him, as well as Mindbender, or anyone else. I do not want the knowledge I have falling into the wrong hands or used for the wrong purposes. Too much already has.
I did bring up asteroid mining in our galaxy to Barghest and Over Kill as Logistics has found metals and such we'd need in the belt, it's just too dangerous for Humans with our current tech. Mining is easier than building a solar farm, and Over Kill did that successfully so he can learn and adapt and pass it on to the rest of the BATs. It is imperative he is not wiped or replaced at this time as we'd have to start from scratch and reteach his replacement everything. I will respect Barghest's Command of Over Kill and the BATs and with a heavy heart participate in raids and theft of what we need. War makes us all immoral and unethical, I just don't want to slide as far as Kreiger or Iron Klaw. I've worked too damn hard to pull myself out of The Bastard of Borovia mindset and behaviors
I did leave Veri a letter breaking up with her but am regretting it severely. She's the only one who really understood me and wanted to know me on a deep personal level. Unfortunately, there's a lot happening and you need me in R&D on Cobra Island or in the field gathering knowledge and materials. We all know I'm a workaholic and put too much on myself.
I had to pull those I had on Mindbender off him as The Choir is securing what Choirboy can of the Underworld in case we need to move people or supplies in secret due to a planetary invasion and occupation. Headman really screwed us when he went rogue and I hope Artemis finds him because what she does to him is nothing compared to what I will. He's responsible for not being where he should to alert us to the Human Trafficking and who knows what else? I know Scalpel is involved with the cartels in South and Central America, and that's a mess we can thank the CIA and others for. Cobra needs to clean the underworld because Tomas told me he was after Human Traffickers and those who did Unethical and Immoral experiments on Humans and we don't want Ninja Rampage. I suggest making sure Mindbender and Typhoid and anyone else who does such things know the dangers, Ascension Wing will not be engaging in Human Experimentation without proper consent, you know we're experimenting on ourselves.
I Hope You're Well, and Await Orders,
Interrogator
- September 14 - OOC Notes from Meeting - Veri
Scrap-Iron new R&D Head and MARs representative
Zarana and Dreadnoks to work with Firefly in SpecOps as well as destabilizing faith in local governments worldwide. Also work with Lady V to collect Huey Lommitt.
Barghest to Speak with Bludd to get endiro specialists to continue collecting materials for MASS Device. Inquisitor to help with technical side. Zarana can lead infiltration to get Lommitt from the Pit.
Interrogator moved to Intelligence under Baroness as extra-terrestrial Intelligence collector. Share intel with Bludd so the Major can prepare planetary defenses.
Barghest to work with Cesspool and Typhoid on the Compound-Z plan.
Over Kill to determine which BATs get turned over for upgrade experimentation.
Day to Day responsibilities moved from Baroness so she can focus on Terrestrial Intelligence.
Emphasis on G.I. Joe activities, Decepticon activity on earth, and whoever attacked the Joes in Turkiye.
Day to Day Operations moved to Bludd (cat-herding).
Cobra Command expanded to include Firefly, Scrap-Iron, Copperhead, and Wild Weasel.
- September 19 - Intelligence Division - Baroness
TO: All Cobra Operatives and Troops
FROM: Baroness
RE: New Cobra Intelligence Division Breakdown
Intelligence will be broken down into 4 Departments. There are as follows:
Department of Earth Intelligence (DEI): Responsible for Analyses of Intelligence about various Factions from Earth.
Department of Off World Intelligence: (DOWI): Responsible for Analyses of Intelligence about Factions that not from Earth
Department of Counter Intelligence (DCI): Responsible for preventing Intelligence Operations against Cobra.
Department of Field Operations (DFO): Field Operations includes Agents, Assassins, and Communications relating to Intelligence Operations. These are the ones that go out and gather the information for the other Divisions to Analyze.
Each Department will have a Director, While the overall Cobra Intelligence Division (CID) will have a Commander and and Executive Officer. The Divisional Command Structure will be:
CID CO: Baroness
CID XO: Vypra
DEI Director: Black Dragon Leader
DOWI Director: Interrogator
DCI Director: Vypra
DFO Director: Baroness
Because of my dual duties, Zarana is being transferred to Intelligence, and will take a slot in the DFO, as the Assistant Director.
I am going to get with the other directors, and create a training, and cross training program, and we will also assign CID members to the appropriate Departments.
This is done with the knowledge, and approval of the Commander, so that CID can be streamlined.
Baroness
- September 22 - B.A.T. Factory - Barghest
To: Command + Inquisitor
Cavern location original scouted in the western ranges is being found with complications making it untenable for a position for the B.A.T. factory project.
I am going to begin scouting an alternate location. Potential surveys showing optimal at Location MacReady - due to temperature to eliminate much of the required cooling equipment - allowing for full construction power - once power supplies have been properly managed.
Over Kill - I need the four dozen B.A.T.s configured for construction detail to remain such and the transport B.A.T.s prepped to begin moving the components.
Inquisitor - I would like to speak with you regarding power generation options.
-- Barghest
- September 26 - Genetic Track - Interrogator
To: Cobra, flagged important for R&D, Medical, Intel, and Barghest
From: Interrogator
I have traced the genetics and the machine used to make the GI Joe Mara, who was made by Cobra, was also used to make the two we have imprisoned now, Rapture and Thunderpunch, and is also responsible for the modifications done to Wisp and Greathawk and the experiments we encountered in Russia. Obviously, the machine and process have been upgraded and updated over the years. Whether or not whatever there was in Australia can also be traced to the machine has yet to be determined. The relevant data has been sent to both R&D and Medical, and Barghest. I've also included the data I was able to pick up with Peklabog's scanners.
Interrogator
- September 27 - Security of Infil - Zarana
Zarana makes a secondary report along the intelligence network that will be an addendum to the primary when it is posted for analysis.
'The security of the base raided in Australia was rather haphazard given the importance of the technology. The use of mercenaries, aboveground security being primarily patrols and personnel which were lacksadasical and not on alert, with wrong camouflage patterns for the region. Heavy weaponry beyond air support engaged and suppressed was not present, and one would expect additional vehicles of some sort. Soldier equipment was standard, and the base's physical security was highly inadequate given what was in hte lower levels, and readily accessible. From at least my own engagement, there were no heavy laboratories or support facilities in the base - though it was limited to my own infiltration. This should be considered as a necessary followup for interrogation as to why something this technologically advanced and dangerous had such minimal protection present.
- September 27 - Requsitioning Dreadnoks - Barghest
To: Operations, Command
Discourse with Inquisitor has resulted in need for Zaranna to be needed for upcoming work in Argentina; we will be needing her particular skillset regarding her standing orders for destabilizing local governments. We will be engaging in several operations in the near future and her expertise is deemed vital.
-- Barghest
- September 28 - Personnel Request Granted - Major Bludd
To: Command, Barghest
Provided Zarana is not attached to any other operation at the time, she may be dispatched as needed for governmental destabilisation.
Maj S. Bludd, Executive Officer
- September 28 - AAR Blackbraes: Priority Report - Major Bludd
Subject: AAR Blackbraes: Priority Report
To: Cobra Commander, Baroness.
A group of Cobra operatives including Barghest, Artemis, Metal-Head, Over Kill, Torch, Interrogator, Zarana and myself went to Blackbraes National Park in Queensland Australia on Tuesday 26 September (local time) to investigate a secluded military base Torch had found in the area. Security at the site was somewhat lax, as we were able to gain entry without much effort, thanks in no small part to the contributions of Artemis as overwatch, Metal-Head with artillery, and Zarana's knowledge of demolitions.
Inside the main building Zarana encountered a soldier now identified as Major Stephen Blum of US Special Operations, who awakened what I believe was the main project of the base: a creature whose containment chamber described it as 'Serpent Organic Robot'.
Zarana subdued Blum before I arrived. I spoke to the organic robot, whose accent is apparently Mongolian and who spoke of rebuilding his Golden Horde. A quick history search confirmed my suspicions: this being believes himself to be the reincarnation of one of the Khans of Mongolia circa 1200 AD. He introduced himself as 'Serpent-OR', a slightly condensed version of what was written on the chamber.
Serpent-OR is seven feet tall and possessed of green skin. He claimed to have been granted immense physical power by whatever process created him. Standing in front of him I've no reason to doubt he would be extremely difficult to defeat in hand-to-hand combat.
It is my belief that Serpent-OR, who has apparently claimed the building we found him in as his 'yurt', obviously his home or headquarters, desires to conquer the planet. I spoke to him respectfully and offered him my assistance, in the hope of getting him to tell us more about himself and his plans, and in particular his resources, military and otherwise. Unfortunately I didn't find out anything further.
I intend to keep tabs on him using technology if possible. If I can, I will visit the base again to speak with him. It will be important to give Serpent-OR the impression that we are potential allies and do not wish him harm. The old joke about where a 500-pound gorilla sleeps is quite applicable here.
Baroness, the interrgation of Major Blum is obviously within your purview. I request to be present at said interrogation. We also captured a Sergeant on site. It's not likely this fellow knows much of use, but with your permission I will see what I can get out of him myself before handing him over to your care. I've had success getting information out of mercenaries in the past. They say it takes one to know one, after all.
Commander, I will be sending you an additional report regarding potential use of Serpent-OR in planetary defence.
Please advise me if there is any action you require from me in regards to this matter. I received medical care at Health City for a few days, but I am leaving Springfield today and should be back in California by the weekend.
--Maj S Bludd, Executive Officer
- September 29 - Health Directive - Walker
Dear Cobra,
Cobra Commander has declared his unwavering support for flu shots, handwashing, and overall cold/flu season avoidance! Yes, you heard that right. The man who usually only trusts Baroness' advice on tormenting G.I. Joe is also concerned about your health.
First and foremost, let's address Cobra Commander's newfound fascination with flu shots. He insists that we all get vaccinated, perhaps hoping to turn us into a stronger, healthier Cobra army. Or maybe he just wants to protect himself from catching a case of "Cobra Cough." Either way, get those shots, because nobody wants to hear Interrogator's relentless questioning about why you didn't!
Now, onto handwashing. Cobra Commander is adamant that we wash our hands with the precision and frequency of a well-oiled Cobra machine. He's even considering replacing the famous Cobra emblem with soap and water. So remember, wash those hands, or you might just find yourself interrogated by, you guessed it, Interrogator! "Did you use soap? Did you scrub for at least 20 seconds?" The questions will be relentless, trust me. He'll even join you in the bathroom stall to make sure you are keeping yourself clean.
Finally, avoiding cold and flu season altogether is Cobra Commander's masterstroke. He's realized that a Cobra ninja sneezing during a covert mission is a dead giveaway. So, he suggests wearing scarves, face masks, or even Cobra-themed hazmat suits. And if you do happen to catch a cold, well, prepare for some intense interrogations from our resident village id--Interrogator.
In conclusion, Cobra Commander's sudden interest in your health is amusing and somewhat terrifying. Embrace flu shots, wash your hands religiously, and avoid cold and flu season at all costs, or risk the wrath of Interrogator's relentless questioning. Cobra may be ruthless, but we draw the line at spreading germs! Stay healthy, Cobra operatives, and remember: a Cobra ninja with a runny nose is no ninja at all.
Yours in health and secrecy,
Doctor Andy 'Scalpel' Walker
Cobra Commander's Trusted Medi-Viper
October 2023[]
Barghest
- October 12 - CEZ AAR - Barghest
To Command
Attempts to acquire heavy water in Priapt in the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone ran into unexpected Joe presence. The incursion was a surprise assault spearheaded with a Russian acquired helocopter and we were unable to drive off opposing forces.
Injuries among our number were extensive and we were unable to dig in.
New options for Heavy Water need to be surveyed, unless we make another attempt at Bikini Atoll.
- Barghest.
- October 14 - MASS Materials - Interrogator
To: Command
From: Interrogator
Russia wants energon bad. I don't know for what and have not given or sold them any, however, if we need to trade some for the materials for the MASS Device, we haven't been tapping the Solar Farm in Cobra Unity for electricity to convert to energon. I'm still waiting to hear from Kreiger or Iron Klaw, but based on my fight with Greathawk at Chernobyl, there will need to be a shift in tactics.
Interrogator
- October 14 - Medical Suggestions - Walker
From: Scalpel
In this highly confidential medical briefing, I must emphasize the importance of maintaining the well-being of our esteemed Cobra Commander and his band of ruthless misfits. For Cobra Commander, stress management is key – let's face it, leading a terrorist organization can be a real headache, so maybe try yoga or take up knitting. As for Metal-Head, remember to wear proper hearing protection when testing your ear-shattering weaponry. Overkill, don't forget to oil those rusty joints and consider a decaf option - you're always so fired up! Interrogator, perhaps try a less aggressive approach to your conversations, like asking nicely for a change. Also, Interrogator... while your fashion sense is impeccable, let's avoid wearing those skintight suits all the time for the sake of comfort. And to all Cobra members, remember that Cobra-laughter is the best medicine, so throw in a few evil cackles to stay in tip-top shape. Cobra!
Oct 26 - Allen Halsey Project Report[]
To: Command - Cobra Commander's Eyes Only
North Korea After Action
Z strain successful.
Excellent field test without control domes performance. Original carriers detonated once enough local stock were contaminated to reduce chances of counter research.
No signs of counter operational agents on site.
Remaining in country to observe swarm growth, if any, from second generation. Notating Dreadnoks need to be screened before further operations regarding Z commence.
Field data being provided to Inquisitor's personal terminal.
-- Barghest
November[]
Nov 12 - Sleeping Sickness Over[]
To: Cobra
From: Interrogator
I have received word from trusted sources that the Sleeping Sickness has been dealt with. Hopefully the Cybertronians affected will soon be back to full fighting or working strength.
Interrogator
Nov 12 - Zombie Protocol Update[]
With recent events, I am going to quickly go over some information regarding zombies. Recent intelligence reports suggest that Cobra Commander has formulated comprehensive plans for dealing with zombie outbreaks. Cobra operatives are equipped with specialized protocols, weaponry, and strategies to mitigate the threat posed by the undead. The organization's efficient response and containment capabilities are designed to safeguard Cobra assets and personnel. Fortunately, Cobra's weapons and technology division, , has stockpiled essential supplies for emergency situations, including potential zombie outbreaks. These supplies may be crucial for civilians and Cobra operatives alike in the event of a widespread crisis. It is recommended that individuals familiarize themselves with the locations of MARS supply depots and follow any provided guidelines for accessing these resources safely.
It is important to note that Cobra Commander's plans may not extend to the Dreadnoks, a faction known for their unpredictable and unconventional behavior. The lack of specific strategies for dealing with the Dreadnoks in the event of a zombie outbreak raises concerns about the potential challenges posed by this group. In certain cases, it is speculated that Zarana's bite may pose a greater risk than traditional zombie bites. The lack of proper hygiene could introduce a variety of pathogens, increasing the likelihood of severe infections. As such, individuals should take extra precautions when dealing with injuries caused by Zarana. Zarana's unhygienic practices raise concerns about the potential transmission of harmful bacteria and viruses through her bite. While not confirmed, it is essential to treat her bite with extreme caution due to the risk of infection. Individuals bitten by Zarana should seek immediate medical attention and follow stringent hygiene protocols to minimize the risk of secondary infections.
In the face of potential threats from individuals affected by Zarana's bite, it is imperative to exercise extreme caution, seek immediate medical attention, and adhere to hygiene protocols. Cobra Commander's plans for zombie outbreaks provide a level of assurance, but the unaccounted-for actions of the Dreadnoks highlight the need for ongoing vigilance and preparedness. Stay informed, stay safe.
Regards,
Andrew 'Scalpel' Walker
Nov 16 - Intelligence Report[]
RE: Genetika Ular Berbisa, Malang, Indonesia
This is the facility That was investigated by the Joes, with the 'Cybernetic Monsters'. This facility was run by Dr. Evelina Ochia, who has an alias of Evelyn Viper. She ran the Biotech Project for NexCorp. She was killed in the attack, but it has been discovered that NexCorp is part of Umbrella Corporation. For those of you involved with the Zombie Outbreak in Cairo, Umbrella Corportaion's T-Virus was the inspiration behind Typhoid's Zombie Virus that was tested in Cairo in 2003.
Barghest, you should get with Typhoid, and see what you two can discover about Dr. Viper's latest work. As you are both interested in the work of Umbrella, you can work together to discover Dr. Viper's latest secrets and incorporate them into Cobra's arsenal.
December 2023[]
Dec 10 - Capture Report - Barghest[]
To: Command Staff
Barghest reporting - captured the one the Joes call Greathawk or whatever and delivered her to the labs. She has some sorta tech that puts armor on her not like any aught we've previously had.
This one is the alien stripper, or so Deadline has told me, the one with the xeno-tech we could put to proper use. We'll need our best heads I expect. Also be ready to summon Mindbender if she refuses to be talkative, I don't expect High Tea will be enough to soften her up to get what we need out of her.
Out
Dec 12 - IC Request - Baroness[]
I need Interrogator, or Inquisitor to report to me at their earliest convenience. There is some questioning that needs to be done.
Baroness
December 13 - Intelligence Report - Baroness[]
The following wikilink will let you read the Intelligence Report.
Note: Not all this information is given out to everyone. Ask myself or Cobra Commander if you would have access to whichever parts you are interested in.
This entire BBentry is OOC (But the Intel Report on the Wiki can be IC, if you have IC Access to it)
IC INTELLIGENCE REPORT - COBRA
-Baroness
December 13 - IC Intelligence Orders - Baroness[]
TO: Cobra Intelligence. Cobra High Command
FROM: Baroness
RE: Orders for Intelligence
Offworld Intel Department:
Interrogator, you and your Department ar tasked with gathering information on Nebulos, the parties involved with the Nebulos War, The Decepticons kidnapping humans, and the attack on Cybertron that destroyed a city.
Earth Intel Department:
Black Dragon leader, I need intelligence on the Arashikage Clan, Project Phoenix, Project Chimera, Project Damocles, Serpent-OR, and on the Ground Zero PMC.
Counter-Intelligence Department
Vypra, other then continuing to monitor for infiltrators, I have a special mission for you, and I will need you to contact me directly
Field Operations Department
Check in with me, as soon as possible, for a new assignments.
-Baroness
December 15 - French Polynesia Report - Barghest[]
To: Cobra Command ; R&D
We found a proper concentration of heavy water at this last search point. Zartan, Zarana and Over Kill were instrumental in gathering the materials and we have Number Twenty-One Hundred from the Strato Viper division for spotting initial chemical tracer blooms as well as overwatch.
Material totals are in the levels we need for MASS to proceed.
Barghest out.
December 26 - Study Reports: Biosubject - Barghest[]
TO: Command, R&D
Classification: Top Level
Observations of this subject called Selena currently in the biolabs suggest that part of her tech has connections to adrenal response. When 'washed' via hose and delousing powder her tattoos began to respond, fight or flight response appears key to the equipment.
She claims she was never instructed on how to utilize the tech in order to 'summon' her armor and weapons, but we need neurosciences to engage study with fully armed response teams on deck. This subject is not someone to disregard just because she was captured, nor because we have her in our custody. She is no a zoological exhibit, she is hostile and must be regarded as such at all times. If she garners a means to consciously engage her technology she will attempt to escape. We cannot disarm her, as we know, at this time.
But we can provide means to try and engage an active reaction, which is currently needed while she is monitored under all systems that we can bring to bear. But this will require us to have full combat teams on hand to subdue her once she 'expresses' her particular abilities.
-- End of report
- Barghest
December 27 - Re: Biosubject - Scalpel[]
During the examination of the comatose patient, Greathawk, several notable findings emerged. Metallic and powered implants were discovered in the jawbone and brain, while low-level electromagnetic signals were detected in long bones. Tattoos on the body showed a high metal content (Cybertronium), and nanotech traces were found in the blood. Greathawk's bone and muscle density were unusually high, with cybernetic implants present, particularly in the upper left arm. Genetic analysis revealed Cybertronium-laced bones and residual feline and wolf DNA, possibly from past experiments in Russia. Ongoing tests aim to confirm genetic modifications, analyze cybernetic implants, and explore unidentified metallic objects. Supplementary information includes caloric and mineral requirements, with lab drive data under analysis for further insights. The complexity of Greathawk's condition necessitates ongoing interdisciplinary investigation, and updates will be provided as analysis continues.
December 28 - Suggestions: Re Prisoner - Zarana[]
A memo is sent to the interrogation team working wtih the prisoner dubbed 'Selena'.
Given previous experience with beings that have a subspace compartment or sub-dimension in which they store chunks of their exoframe, there is likely some sort of mental trigger involved for the summoning and activation. This will be theoretically aided by a focusing ritual used for training purposes and to enhance concentration. Given the style of this individual's frame and cybernetic hookups, there are possible methods for disruption depending on threat level of engage sequence.
FIrst, when subject engages in a defiant stance engaged by a verbal sequence of a specific nature, engage them with something disruptive. Water hose, taser, lightshow to defean or induce seizures.. At the point also where the individual displays a large amount of self-generated pyro-displays they are to be considered at the near total functionality of tehir sync-up sequence and are to be blasted immediately. These should hopefully help in neutralization of transformation sequence.
OOC - Yes, this is just blasting her when she starts to go through her anime linkup..
December 29 - Experimental Proposal - Greathawk - Scalpel
To: Cobra Command, Baroness, Cobra Commander
From: Medi-Viper Scalpel
Esteemed Cobra Command,
I am writing to provide a detailed report on the recent acquisition of a female GI Joe operative identified as "Greathawk," who possesses advanced power armor technology. This valuable asset presents an unprecedented opportunity for Cobra to enhance its technological capabilities and gain a strategic advantage over the GI Joe forces.
Greathawk was successfully apprehended during a recent Cobra operation, and her power armor is currently secured in Cobra research facilities. Preliminary analysis indicates that the technology within the armor surpasses any known Joe equipment.
Considering the potential benefits of studying Greathawk's power armor, I propose utilizing the BrainWave Scanner (BWS) to enhance our control over her cognitive functions. By making her compliant, we can facilitate a more thorough examination of the power armor's capabilities without any interference.
I recommend granting access to the prototypes of Greathawk's power armor to Alley-Viper Barghest and B.A.T. Commander Over Kill. Both individuals possess the necessary expertise to analyze and reverse-engineer the technology effectively. This will expedite the assimilation of the power armor into Cobra's arsenal.
To further disrupt the GI Joe forces, I propose reprogramming Greathawk using the BWS to specifically target and attack Kamakura upon her potential release. By focusing her aggression on a single target, it will create confusion among the Joes and make it appear as though Kamakura is still a Cobra asset. This tactical diversion could lead to strategic advantages for Cobra.
I await your esteemed guidance and approval to proceed with the outlined plan.
Yours faithfully,
Medi-Viper Scalpel
Cobra Medi-Viper Research Division
2024[]
Jan 05 - Cobra's Cantaloupe Catastrophe[]
To: Command, Staff
From: Scalpel
Now, I know we're usually more preoccupied with world domination plans and dealing with those pesky Joes, but even Cobra Commander's grand schemes can't escape the clutches of microscopic foes. Today, we're tackling the unexpected threat of Tainted Cantaloupes and addressing the rumors that our very own 'Eddie' might be inadvertently responsible for the contamination. First off, let me assure you that this situation has caught us all off guard. Cobra Medical Staff is on the case, scrambling to find a cure faster than a Viper squad responding to a Joe ambush. We're tackling this outbreak with the same determination and precision that we bring to the battlefield. Cobra Commander himself demanded swift action, and when Cobra Commander speaks, we listen – or risk a one-way trip to the dreaded Brainwave Scanner.
Now, let's delve into the awkward, yet crucial, details. It seems our dear 'Eddie,' in his attempts to boost morale with fresh fruit provisions, might have inadvertently unleashed a wave of Salmonella on our unsuspecting Cobra comrades due to his extra-curricular activities during the night. Yes, our loyal underling might be the unwitting culprit. Who would have thought that a simple cantaloupe could be more treacherous than infiltrating G.I. Joe headquarters? Picture this: 'Eddie' proudly presenting the cantaloupes, thinking he's the hero of the day, only to discover that his grand gesture has turned into a gastrointestinal nightmare. It's almost poetic, isn't it? Even Cobra operatives aren't immune to the perils of a rogue melon. Techno-Vipers are on plumbing duty tonight!
As we navigate this cucumber-sized crisis, I encourage you all to exercise caution. If you've indulged in Cobra cantaloupes recently and find yourself experiencing any unusual symptoms – stomach cramps, fever, or an uncontrollable urge to shout "Cobra!" from the wrong end – seek medical attention immediately. Our Cobra Medical Staff is working tirelessly to develop an antidote, but until then, consider switching to Cobra Commander-approved snacks like serpent-shaped gummy candies. Stay healthy, stay vigilant, and as always, hail Cobra!
Post humorously yours,
Dr. Andrew "Scalpel" Walker
Lead Cobra Medi-Viper
Jan 05 - Subject Report - Greathawk[]
Subject known as Greathawk confirmed, or at least seems to have, suspicions on her tech being linked to adrenaline and fight or flight responses. When we were issuing her rinse and delousing her 'tattoos' glowed and she engaged some sort of combat mode. Over Kill and I subdued her and she is now fully armored and waiting for our researchers to begin taking a proper look at her.
I also want it noted that the subject was being snuck more than prisoner rations and suggest this needs to be curbed.
- Barghest
Jan 07 - Re: Greathawk[]
Barghest,
Hope this message doesn't get lost in the Cobra bureaucracy. Just a little reminder about Greathawk's unique situation – she's not your regular Cobra prisoner. Her bio-mechanical gizmos run on calories - at least I suspect that.So, when you're doling out the prisoner rations, keep in mind that Greathawk needs a little extra fuel for her human-machinery hybrid gig. It's not a fancy diet - it's just basic bio-mechanics. We wouldn't want her malfunctioning in the middle of an exam, would we? Let's not make this a medical drama – just toss in those extra rations and consider it an investment in top-notch Cobra research. I trust you'll handle this with the urgency it deserves. After all, we wouldn't want Greathawk's hardware throwing a hissy fit. Your cooperation is appreciated, as always. We can always toss her into a BWS loop to make her comply if she's too much for our security to handle.
Feb 29 - Investigating[]
To: Command
I am presently in San Francisco, Inquisitor's last known location. Investigating her disappearance.
Cobra Commander, Snake Supreme
- March 3 - "Our Time is Now" - Cobra Commander lays out his immediate plans for the future.
Mar 26 - Medical Update[]
From the Desk of Scalpel
I hope to bring to your attention a concerning incident involving a Cobra Viper on Saint Patrick's Day. The individual in question, whose identity is currently undisclosed, engaged in reckless behavior while under the influence of alcohol. It was reported that the Cobra Viper attempted to utilize a safety cone as a makeshift "rectal horn" in an attempt to amplify the sound of their flatulence. This incident raises several concerns regarding the behavior and judgment of Cobra operatives during festive occasions. While celebrations are not uncommon among Cobra Vipers, it is imperative to maintain professionalism and discipline at all times, especially considering the potential ramifications of such actions on the organization's reputation and operational effectiveness.
Furthermore, I express apprehension regarding the significance of Saint Patrick's Day within the context of Cobra ideology. Given that the holiday commemorates the driving out of snakes from Ireland, it inherently carries anti-Cobra connotations. It is crucial to address any potential conflicts between Cobra values and external cultural events to ensure cohesion and loyalty among operatives.
Sincerely,
Andrew “Scalpel” Walker
Head Medi-Viper
April 11 - Med-Viper 13864 Reporting in []
Medviper 13864 reporting in.
After 3 months and some weeks spent in the brig of the Pit, I was released as they had no grounds to continue holding me. While there was suspicion, nothing was proven enough for further incarceration before nor during my 'vacation'. It is good to be back.
'64 out.
- May 16 - "Garrison "Blitz" Kreiger" - Black Dragon reports on the elusive Russian officer.
- June 7 - "Superhuman Captives" - Doctor Mindbender makes a report.
Jul 07 - Interrogator Returns[]
TO: Cobra
FROM: Interrogator
I’m back. There were unforeseen issues due to pushing ourselves so hard and we believe we have dealt with them. I have news from Russia and on the Interrogator Project for those interested and will post or meet if requested.
Interrogator
- July 9 - "Sociological Analysis of the Cybertronian Empire" - Buzzer takes a stab at using his brain for a change.
Jul 12 - Known about Dorimedot[]
TO: Baroness, Inquisitor, Cobra Intelligence
From: Interrogator
Here is the summary of my network's findings:
Vrach Valerian Dorimedont lead and still leads the Sledovatelya Proyekt (Investigator Project) which is a continuation of Stalin's Supersoldat Proyekta (Supersoldier Project).
I will not bore you with the details; however, my Siblings and Father survived the Fall of Communist Borovia and were found or taken by Dorimedont to be experimented on. My network says my Siblings survived the experimentation but are unsure if my Father did.
This project is ongoing and is what is happening in Russia now. I am continuing to run and compare the genetic samples in my possession to make a timeline and genetic tree. At this time, I can but compose a partial one if requested.
Interrogator
Jul 14 - Call Box Investigated[]
TO: Cobra
From: Interrogator
Interrogator appears helmeted and in uniform and says, "I was with Eddie/Deadline and his friend and we flew in Peklabog to where the Call Box that I've been told looks like the TARDIS descended. It turned out to be a Junkion I've met previously on Vilnacron, though he looked different then. As he wants Javelin Missiles, I say he's America's problem if he keeps to his threat of taking them by force if necessary."
Interrogator tilts his head thoughtfully and says, "Interrogator out, contact me for more details."
>*The transmission ends*<
July 16 - Zarana: Ticketmaster[]
Ticketmaster is bein' bought out by somethin' called Live Nation. Or maybe it already was? Doesn't matter. We're gonna raze it to the ground. For everyone that didn't get Taylor Swift tickets, revenge shall be ours! We're gonna get ready to bust, break, and burn. This time we're not gonna leave anything left. Dreadknoks, we'll be maneuverin' to San Francisco fer a bit. Existing cells there will do some recon of the offices before we blast 'em down.
Jul 22 - Memo from Scalpel, the Medi-Viper CO[]
To: Command, Staff
Subject: "OnlyFrags" Website Initiative
Attention, Frag Vipers,
I hope this message finds you in one piece — literally. It has come to my attention that some of you have been working on a project called "OnlyFrags," where you showcase your, let's say, "unique" talents with explosives in some unconventional and dangerously awkward ways. Leave that for Interrogator to do!
As much as I appreciate the enthusiasm for our craft, this is a medical disaster waiting to happen. I have enough work dealing with the usual Cobra-related injuries and the occasional laser burn from those pesky Joes. I don’t need to be stitching you back together because you thought it would be a good idea to juggle live grenades or create a frag-themed version of a cooking show.
Explosives are not toys, nor are they a form of performance art. They are tools of destruction meant to be used with precision and care. So, unless you want to spend more time in the infirmary than on the battlefield, I highly recommend you abandon this ill-fated venture.
Let's focus on using our skills to further Cobra's objectives, not to create viral internet content that will only serve to make our enemies laugh and give me a headache.
Stay safe and leave the web antics to the influencers. Remember, our job is to cause explosions, not become one.
Sincerely,
Doctor Andrew Walker
P.S. If I catch any of you trying to launch another harebrained scheme like this, you'll find yourself on bedpan duty for a month. Consider this your only warning.
Jul 22 - Zarana: Scarlett[]
Was with the boys in New York in a bar when Scarlett 'an the Greenshirts raided us. We've been keepin it pretty discrete and spread out, but they were ready for us. Thinkin' the Joes are keeping a close watch on our ops.
Aug 08 - Alt Universe Ninja Encountered[]
To: Cobra
From: Interrogator
Last night, on IRC, someone claimed to have killed @QueenofSpades and have her brain and corpse. I investigated and found a man who is in all probability a Ninja by the moves he pulled on me. I ran the video of the fight I took through the databanks and found a match between the man and one seen frequently in Viet Nam era photos with the one known as Storm Shadow. Due to this blonde saying Cobra were wussy peaceniks, I feel confident he came from the other universe. Enclosed at the end of this message is a freezeframed picture.
Unknown ninja
Interrogator
- Sep 10 - "RE: Ticketmaster" - Vypra brings the snark.
Sep 14 - Zarana - Re: Vypra[]
I'll spell it any damned way I like. And if you wanna get tickets to Hamilton another way, be my guest. I ain't gonna take tactics lessons from someone who thinks they're hardcore by spelling their name with a 'y'. So you gonna pretend to be hardcore and put an 'XXTreme' after it? You 'an me, blasters at dawn, Y-Girl.
- September 15 - "Nebulos" - Sibirskiy Mirazh reports to the Baroness that she is traveling to Nebulos.
Sep 17 - Problem Resolution in Progress[]
I've grown tired of the delays regarding my little issue. It's been a thorn in my side for far too long, and I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands. To that end, I’ve hired an outside operative - a freelancer who specializes in... permanent solutions. No loose ends, no trails. This individual has a reputation for making problems vanish without a trace, and I have full confidence in their abilities.
Rest assured, this matter will be dealt with swiftly. By the time I report back, the target will be nothing more than a forgotten memory.
Consider it handled.
-Cesspool
Oct 07 - Gristle[]
To: Cobra, especially Cobra Commander
From: Interrogator
I found Gristle, but he got away. However, I did get the intel I believe you want, Cobra Commander. I'll send what I have through our private secure channel.
Interrogator
Oct 14 - October Medical Update[]
PSA from Cobra Medic Andrew 'Scalpel' Walker - Resident Head Medi-Viper:
Attention, Cobras! This message is strictly for you, the finest and most sneaky operatives on the planet. Your health matters, because let's face it... world domination requires you to be at your absolute best!
First off, vaccines! You might think you're tough because you survived one of Serpentor’s pep talks, but even the baddest Cobra needs their shots. Don’t believe me? Well, let me tell you about Doctor Mindbender’s latest science fair disaster. He tried cloning Raptor, but the poor bird-man clone didn’t even get to fly the coop! Turns out, the clone caught Avian Flu before he could squawk about tax loopholes, and bam... instant chicken dinner. Moral of the story: don’t play with clones, and always get your flu shot!
Now, for the tough Cobras out there, Big Boa is challenging you to step into the ring. It’s a fitness showdown! Can you survive his grueling routine? There will be punches, there will be sweat, and there will be bragging rights for the survivors. This is your chance to prove you're Cobra material… or at least live to run another day.
Oh, and for those of you who spent a little too much time at the Cobra BBQ, Road Pig has a weight-loss challenge just for you. He's swapping his mashed potatoes for kettlebells and wants to see if you can shed those extra pounds before he loses patience. Word of advice: Don't let him catch you sneaking snacks. He may be on a diet, but he's still swinging that cinder block hammer!
So remember, Cobras: get vaccinated, get fit, and stay out of Road Pig's way! Together, we’ll crush the Joes and look amazing doing it. Cobraaaaaa!
-Doctor Andrew ‘Scalpel’ Walker
Nov 13 - Infiltration Report[]
To: High Command
From: Zarana
Subj: Information
Msg: Reports coming from the Joes are indicative that they're moving on with counter-insurgency operations. They've teamed up with an unknown Cybertronian designated Starbolt that's expressed an interest in joining them and are planning strikes against our forces in Trucial Abysmia against Ansar Allah. There they encountered some Zombi-Vipers (who let those things on the lose?) and they're moving additional forces to the area. They've taken in a few of them for study.
The current Storm Shadow is leaving the Joes, which means that they've lost a competent ninja. These are current reports coming in from Intel that are being passed up the chain of command.
Dec 01 - Liege Update[]
To: Cobra
From: Interrogator
I found out from Veritas Prime yesterday that Liege Maximo and his Hub have a Titan and have invaded Cybertron. So far, they only have taken one city for sure. There was talk a second, sister city might have fallen but before I could hear the rest, my connection was broken. I'll keep trying to find out more and keep everyone updated.
Interrogator
- December 4 - "Ultrasonic Brainwave Stimulation" - Mindbender's latest report outlines his advancements in ultrasonic brainwave stimulation for enhanced mind control using the Silica mindvirus, detailing plans for further research, collaboration with key operatives, and urgent resource recovery.
12-31 - Recent Rumors Answered[]
To: Cobra Intelligence, Russian Operatives, Cobra Command
From: Interrogator
Date: 12-31-2024
I was recently in Russia gathering intelligence and my Brother interfered. That was the fight that led to me nearly dying and being put in an advanced healing chamber here on Cobra Island as soon as I had recovered enough from surgery. I just got out of the chamber last night and am on rest for the next few days. I will be in my quarters here on Cobra Island if anyone wishes to discuss things.
Interrogator
2025[]
AAR: Sea of Ice[]
Audio AAR: Sea of Ice
11 January 2025
Major Bludd reporting.
Bayonet, Interrogator, and myself followed a team of Joe operatives to the cave where the red crystals were mined. The blast doors closed once they were inside, trapping them with the SNAKE suits. The SNAKEs were initially very effective, unleashing fire within the cave that severely injured several of the Joe operatives. Thereafter they were less effective, as their programming did not allow them react as quickly as would a human operator. I triggered the release of radioactive gas from the mineshaft, effectively trapping them between the gas and the SNAKEs (and the three of us who waited outside with a squad of arctic-prepared BATs).
Unfortunately they managed to hack into the SNAKEs and take control of them. They used them to break out of the cave, but I shut the machines down before they could leave the site with our technology. Snake-Eyes drove us away from the mouth of the cave and we were forced to retreat to our evac vehicle. The BATs took over but were ultimately unable to prevent them leaving with at least a small supply of crystals. Telemetry from the androids showed them hauling a minecart loaded with crystals from the depths. It is unclear how many they actually managed to get away with, but they were exposed to the crystals' radiation while performing their own evac.
Bayonet and I sustained moderate injuries. Medical will have the details. I am being treated at the medical facility at Luck.