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IC News and Reports from the MUX

January

Jan 11 - News Broadcast

(Sorry for the delay in getting this out. Getting schedules to meet up was difficult - but this would have been broadcast live the same day that Cobra had their party!)

Baroness

The Baroness

[A lithe young woman, just into her twenties, appears on screen, microphone in hand. She's sharp eyed, fresh faced, blessed with the blush of health and a pale mein dotted with freckles. Her red hair is stick-straight, cut in a flirty little bob that goes just past her chin. She's dressed business casual. With a touch to her ear bud, she gets the cue.]

"This is Catherine St. Claire with Fox News, reporting live from the Cobra Consulate in New York City, New York. Today possibly marks the beginning of a new chapter for the Cobra Organization, where the consulate announced on Monday that they would be hosting an open invitation event within the consulate walls. This is the first time in history that the consulate, an unmistakable local landmark built in 1986, has extended such open hospitality to any and all who wished to attend. Ever since the disappearance of Cobra Commander, it seems that Cobra has taken a different public and foreign relations policy; headed by Baroness Anastasia DeCobray, the efforts of the organization as a whole seem to place more emphasis on the 'common man' edict that Cobra has championed since the mid 1980s, with renewed vows of continued education, provided health care, employment and equality for all."

[Camera Pan to the Baroness]
CStC: "With me now is Baroness DeCobray herself, current head of the regime and spokeswoman for Cobra. Good evening, Baroness DeCobray. This is quite an ordeal that Cobra has put together. Could you tell our viewers a little about what prompted Cobra to host and fund this event?"

DeCobray: "Well, Catherine, the first reason we decided.... well, I, actually, decided to host this event, was because the People of the United States need to know that Cobra is not their enemy. We may be locked in a struggle with the United States Government, but the Citizens of this Country are our friends. Cobra does not wish to see them hurt. Secondly, it is a way we can give back to the less fortuneate people in this city. The United States Government does not take care of their own people, and we would like to help. This event is open to anyone, including the many homeless people in the city, and the Consulate will remain open through the winter, for them to use as a shelter."

CStC: "With that in mind and speaking from a historic standpoint, this seems like the organization is taking a new approach to dealing with countries with whom Cobra has poor relations. Could you tell us what prompted the new direction? Did it have anything to do with the disappearance of the mysterious Cobra Commander, or are you continuing a work he had planned before he vanished?"

DeCobray: "I decided that it was time to improve relations with the people we have always been desiring to free. Most people believe that Cobra's intention has been World Domination, and while some of the actions Cobra has taken in the past might lead one to think that, but in fact, we have always only wanted to free the people of the world from the opression of their Governments.

For Example, look at our actions in Somalia, 4 or 5 years ago. We have taken that country out of the war torn, desolate state that it was in, and turned it into one of the most prosperous Countries in Africa. The betterment of people has always been our goal.

As for the Commander's disappearance, while we do not have proof, we do believe that the United States Government had some hand it. We demand they release him."

CStC: "Your thoughts on the Commander's disappearance are dually noted, Baroness DeCobray. Keeping in light of Cobra's new approach, what is the organization's plans for the future? Will there be more galas such as this, or further substantial donations, does Cobra plan to establish any charities, or such?"

Decobray: *Soft Chuckle* "Well, to be honest, I hadn't thought that far in advance. It is very probable that we will, however. Hopefully in other cities, where we can help the rest of the people of the United States, as we are helping the People of New York.

As for charities, the Cobra Foundation is being drawn up. The plans are for it to help the families of anyone prior Cobra activities may have hurt, and also, to help the Homeless of the United States, by supplying them with a Place to get clean, sober, job training, and hot meals. Announcements on that should be forthcoming in the next few weeks. "

CStC: "That sounds simply wonderful, Baroness DeCobray, and an excellent way to start off a new year. Is the efforts of the Organization directed primarily toward the people of the United States, or is Cobra's invitation open to people worldwide? Will the charity you mentioned be on a global scope as well?"

DeCobray: "To start, the Charity will be in the United States only. By years end, we will try to expand it to the World, but we have to start small, at this time.

We would like to help people in other countries, and our efforts of shipping food and water to areas affected by our.... conflict.... with the United States Government has already begun."

CStC: "So in summary, Cobra has taken a new and more charitable approach to handling the conflict with the United States and its allies. Your goals are to provide hope and betterment to those people you feel have been forgotten by the government, and your future goals are aimed toward extending this goodwill toward the rest of the world, hopefully by the end of the year?"

DeCobray: That is essentially correct. Shortly after the new year starts, however, we will once again have to attack <Stressed>Military only<end Stressed> targets of the United States Government. Unless the United States Government openly admits we are not terrorists, that we are Freedom Fighters, and acknowledges that they will change their ways. No longer will they put themselves before their people...

CStC: Again, noted, Baroness DeCobray. I would like to thank you for taking the time to see to this brief interview. On a side note, one of my colleagues had slipped me a note before I came on air. *a light-hearted little laugh* It was a request: If you'd oblige the camera with a wink, to start off his new year.

DeCobray: *smiles at the camera* "For your colleague...." *The Baroness winks at the camera*

CStC: *laughs, cheerfully* "Thank you again, Baroness DeCobray. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you.

[The Camera Pans back to Catherine.] "And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. What awaits the new stance of Cobra regime? In the tough days ahead for people of the world, only time will tell. This is Catherine St. Claire, reporting for Fox News."

Jan 12 - Terrorist Attack in Louisiana

News reports come in from the Louisiana coastline from the military establishment at Smalltown, Louisiana. Apparently terrorists bombed the external storage facility at the docks there, destroying several containers of military supplies, killing two and injuring a dozen. The fires are under control and reports say the Coast Guard is working on searching the Gulf of Mexico for the escaped fugitives.


Jan 18 - Cobra aids in relief efforts

The BBC News logo scrolls and fades in on a red-haired woman with a microphone, standing in the midst of one of countless rescue sites in Haiti.

"This is Adele Sharp, reporting live from Port-au-Prince, where, five days on, relief efforts are still underway for the victims of Haiti's devastating earthquake. Among the US troops and personnel from relief organisations here, we were surprised to find Cobra troopers and equipment working alongside them, aiding the rescue efforts."

The camera pans as the reporter continues to speak, showing mirror-helmeted Cobra Vipers and black and yellow Battle Android Troopers moving among the rubble while a group of purple-uniformed Techno-Vipers man specialised digging equipment. A BAT is standing in a heap of debris, apparently bracing its body against the collapse so that a Viper can crawl out, pulling an injured man along with him. "In an unexpected show of compassion, Cobra has donated troops and androids to the cause. The androids have been able to enter areas in danger of collapse and facilitate the retrieval of people thought to be lost. With me is Major Sebastian Bludd, here to help oversee Cobra's rescue efforts."

The reporter steps over to Bludd, whose grey fatigues are grime-stained and marked by patches of concrete dust. Bludd turns from conferring with a Viper trooper to face the camera. "Major," the reporter says, "are you finding it difficult to work with the troops from the United States, given the status between your two nations?"

Bludd smiles faintly and shakes his head. "No," he replies, "everybody we've met has been decent. An' anyway it wouldn't matter if they badmouthed us. We're here t'help dig these people out, not t'make friends with the States. They're free t'dislike us if they choose."

"Tell us about the androids you brought."

"The Battle Android Troopers are nigh indestructible," Bludd says. "In fact we just got into this house here," he waves a hand at a pile of rubble nearby, "thanks to a BAT that held up the place long enough for us to crawl in and get that fella," he points to a man being seen to by a Medi-Viper nearby, "and a young boy. If it weren't for the BATs both those people would likely've died; we wouldn't've been able t'get 'em out today."

"Amazing," replies the reporter, as the camera pans briefly to focus on the Medi-Viper with the rescued man before panning back to Bludd and the reporter. "And how were you able to land your troops so quickly, with the airfield being so crowded?"

"We made use of our Vector transports," says Bludd. "They can carry an entire platoon in their bellies and they're VTOL -- that's Vertical Take-Off and Landing -- so they don't need runways. We've made several trips from the Island, ferrying Techno-Vipers and Medi-Vipers in to help out here."

"Well, I'm sure the Haitian people are thankful for your efforts, Major. I'll let you and your team get back to your work. Thank you for your time."

Bludd smiles genially, nodding to the reporter and flicking a gaze to the camera before walking out of frame. His Australian-accented voice can be heard calling inquiries to his troops as the camera turns back to the reporter.

"Cobra's help in this crisis may prove to be invaluable," she says, "and of course every bit of help is desperately needed. In Port-au-Prince, I'm Adele Sharp. Back to you in the studio."

Jan 25 - Decepticons Raid Haiti!

The Decepticons attempted to raid a shut down fuel depot in Haiti while officials were busy elsewhere. Fortunately, Autobots were on scene and battled the Decepticons until they fled, with one Autobot badly damaged and taken off by the other.

Jan 27 - Cobra Helping Haiti

As we had reported, just days after the Earthquake, Cobra is still leading a Relief Effort in Haiti. Their B.A.T.s continue to go into places the average Human can not, and while they are finding fewer survivors, like all rescue efforts, they do occasionally pull someone out. They are now focusing their efforts on Rebuilding. Techno-Vipers, Construction Workers, and Medical Personnel have set up a large Tent City, complete with Medical Facilities, Water Purification, and Large Food Stores, they are feeding all they can, on a daily basis, and they turn no one away.

Cobra Spokeswoman Baroness, has released a statement, it reads:

Cobra will continue to help our neighbors in Haiti, until the country is in better shape than it was before the Earthquake, quakes, if you count the aftershocks. We have promised the Haitian Government all the aid they might need, Monetary as well as actual workers. They know if they need something, all they need do is ask.

This continues Cobra's new trend towards being helpful, rather than destructive.

Jan 28 - Haiti Aftershock Claims MSF/Doctors Without Borders clinic

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti: An aftershock destroyed a critical care clinic staffed by physician volunteers from MSF/Doctors Without Borders earlier today. Dozens are missing and feared dead. More as this story develops.

Jan 28 - Andersen attacked!

BBC World Service - 28 January 2010, 20:30h

On the 21st of January a large strike force bearing Cobra insignia attacked the US Air Force base on the island of Guam in the Pacific. Word from survivors has taken days to reach the United States, as the base personnel were decimated and communications and computer systems were compromised. Damage is estimated in the billions of dollars, as the entire complement of aircraft stationed at Andersen were destroyed. Total casualty estimates were not available at press time.

The US has not been forthcoming with a reaction to this attack. More news as it happens.


Jan 28 - G.I. Joe only!

Greenshirt #1: Hey! I saw Snake-Eyes down on one knee, in front of Scarlet.
Greenshirt #2: No way! Did she say Yes?
Greenshirt #1: Well, I saw her nod... but it was Dark, they did hug...
Greenshirt #2: Wow! Who'da thought he had the brains, and cajones for that?

Jan 28 - Robot brawl on Surfers

Denys Blackplains of The Courier-Mail
29 January 2010

BEACH-GOERS WERE shocked and amazed to see a pair of Transformer robots battling on the sand at Surfers Paradise yesterday afternoon. One appearing to have a small black jet on its back and a bearded purple robot shot laser weapons at each other, to the fright and delight of onlookers. Shortly after this battle began, other robots began to arrive, and lifeguards and law enforcement officers alike suggested the public move away from the scene. Eventually the robots moved away, the black jet taken away in a larger flying vehicle. No injuries have been reported among the spectators.


Jan 31 - Power Outage in Texas

Brief Rolling Power Outage Hits Texas - 2010/01/31

AP: At roughly 9 PM EST, major power provider for most of Texas experienced a brief, rolling blackout that swept the state.

According to ERCOT officials, they experienced a problem with their central distribution relay system, but the cause of the failure is still under investigation by both state and federal officials. Technicians were able to restore power to the state within ten minutes of the power outage, and ERCOT repair crews were busy throughout the night replacing transformers that blew from the strain. ERCOT hopes to have power restored to all of its customer base affected by a failed transformer by the end of Tuesday. More on this story as information is made available.

Jan 31 - Shooting in Waco

Snipers Engage in Shootout in Waco - 2010/01/31

AP: As if the State of Texas did not have enough to worry about with the unknown cause of its brief power outage yesterday, an unknown sniper engaged military personnel in a brief exchange of gunfire just outside Waco.

According to one eyewitness, when the power came on, an unknown person began firing on a Marine recruiting office, severely injuring one Marine and wounding another. Two other US Military personnel engaged the sniper in a firefight that lasted only a few minutes, and ended with the unknown shooter escaping both federal and state authorities. The Pentagon did not immediately return our calls. More on this story as information is made available.

February

February 04 - Facebook Profile Update!

Posted to Krista Devereaux's Facebook Profile:

Super Bowl Sunday is here! So, I went and bought six sequential tickets several weeks ago, with the intention that my mother, my stepbrothers and stepsister and my dad could all go with me. Good seats, too - Section 114, Row 20 on the Saints' side. But, you all know my stepbrothers and dad are in the military, and couldn't make it. My grandma recently had to have open-heart surgery, as I posted before. So, Mom is going to be spending the week up in Seattle and can't make it.

This is a conundrum. I have four extra tickets to the big game. So let's investigate into what's sure to be a whirlwind of rumor mills before it actually starts.

Traveling to Oklahoma City - as posted earlier - on my way to Dallas for the aforementioned photo shoot - I was killing time on IRC. Antiquated, so 1990s, but still fun. Especially when the program is forgiving of all kinds of lag related sins. This brings us to how I met the guests you're going to see with me at the Super Bowl: A pair of redheaded twins, Denise and Marcie Livingston - and Over Kill.

What's that? Excuse me, Krista? Did you say Over Kill? Like, Cobra's Over Kill!?

Yes, I did. I didn't know who he was at the time. As we conversed, he claimed to be - and was introduced as - an android. Naturally, I didn't quite believe it at first, when I met him online a few days ago. But we talked more. And then he finally sent me a picture

(inserted here: *A picture of this 7 and a half foot Frankenstein's monster of an android, with a egg beater attached to his right hand, covered in pancake batter. There's a mixing bowl, with some batter, floating apples, oranges and a hammer in it. Theres batter dripping from the ceiling.)

of him trying to make pancakes, because I had mentioned stopping at Norman, Oklahoma at IHOP. So, I have tickets to the Super Bowl. There are three other in the chatroom - Denise and Marcie happened to be the other two. So I put out that 'Free tickets to the Super Bowl to those in the chatroom who show up at IHOP, fist come, first serve'.

And all three of them showed up. Imagine my surprise. But as you folks know me, I'm a woman of my word. He promised to be on his best behavior and go under as an envoy, and he was actually quite polite. So, you'll see me with my stepsister, two adorable redheaded twins, and Cobra's own Over Kill at the big game.

Oh, about that last ticket?

Post your most intriguing reason as to why you should go with me to the Super Bowl. I'll choose the best comment by Saturday noon EST, and buy your flight and accommodations to attend the Big Game. :) Peace Out!

Feb 06 - Autobot-US lands Supplies in Haiti Sat

News reports show the huge shape of the Ark sitting in the bay of one of Haiti's lagoons by the road, the large Autobot Brand displayed on its' roof. It also states that on a not-reported (For security reasons), the Autobot ship had gone to most major US and Canadian cities (with a stop in Mexico too) to pick up bottlenecked supplies unable to reach the island and transported it all with the assistance of GI Joe, getting all of it to the island in record time. The distribution process slows things down, however many Autobots remain on-hand to ensure that it gets to the right people.

Feb 07 - Super Bowl Ad: Part 1 Sun

  • Played at the end of the First Quarter*
  • On screen, appears the Cobra Logo, and than it fades into a shot of the Baroness, sitting in a Cobra-Snake-Head Throne. She smiles at the Camera, and she begins to speak.*

What about that game, eh?
First of all, I'd like to tahnk this network for allowing me to come on and speak, and the American Public for not shutting us out. We may not have always been the most fair to the people, but in recent months, I have launched changes in the Cobra Organization, and now we are a champion of the people. We all know how corrupt the Presidency, the American Congress, and the American Government in General is... If you wish to fight them, with words, actions, and only as a method of last resort, violence, than visit your local Cobra Recruiter, or visit us on the World Wide Web at: www.cobraneedsyou.com

Thank you, and enjoy the rest of the game...

Feb 07 - Super Bowl Ad: Part 2

  • Played at the Two Minute Warning*
  • On screen, appears the Cobra Logo, and than it fades into a shot of the Baroness, sitting in a Cobra-Snake-Head Throne. She smiles at the Camera, and she begins to speak.*

Wow! This game has been all that we expected, and more, huh?
Thank you once again, for watching this, as I know how many Americans still fear Cobra. In an effort to change this, I have ordered the creation of a Cobra Department of Tourism. Very shortly we will be making a Major Announcement regarding a Theme Park, which we are planning to build in Haiti. This is in conjuction with our ongoing relief efforts, in the earthquake ravaged country. We will be pouring millions of dollars into the effort to assist Haiti in getting back on its feet. All employees of the Theme Park, with a few minor exceptions, will be people of Haiti, and the Theme Park will also be building Hotels, Restuarants, and other such things, to further help employ the people. We are hoping this will be a major boom to the Economy there.

Also, in efforts to refine our image, we are now offering Tours of Cobra Island, and we will also be opening a hotel on the Island for over night visitors. The tour will include a Tour of the Main Facility on the Island, including a chance to sit in the Throne Room, that I know sit in.
Each tour will be conducted in such a way, that we can promise you will get to meet a member of Cobra's well known staff. In fact, for the first tour, I will make myself available for a Question and Answer Session, and a 'Photo Op'. Look for our Ads in upcoming Travel Magazines, check your local Travel Agent, or Contact us directly at www.cobraislandtours.com
Enjoy the rest of the game!

  • The screen fades out, and now, some half-dressed girls are trying to get you to buy beer!*
  • OOC: For more information, contact Baroness, and no, no website exists in the real world, but I might put something up on the wiki....*

Feb 08 - Springfield unveils new maglev train

SPRINGFIELD, QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA Springfield, rapidly becoming known as 'the city of the future', has announced that its maglev train line is operational and serving the public in a limited fashion. "Currently we have one working train," said Diana Sears, representative for the company. "We plan to eventually have a total of three trains that will serve the Greater Springfield area, with destinations from the Central Business District to the outer residential areas.

An underground train will help reduce both vehicle and foot traffic in Springfield, Ms. Sears said, but she pointed out that this is not the most important aspect of the project. "The trains and much of the support system that will be responsible for maintaining the stations are operated by artificially intelligent computer systems. No human engineer is needed aboard the maglevs - the trains know what their systems are capable of and can report in a moment to a central computer if they're having difficulty, or if there's an emergency in the tunnels. It's the largest artificial intelligence system to date."

The maglev tracks run between Health City, the Central Business District, and the Orion Regional Shopping Centre, but MagSys hopes to have Orion Stadium connected by the start of the AFL season. "The maglev system will take a lot of pressure off traffic in Springfield on game day," Ms Sears said. "People will be able to ride directly to the station beneath the stadium and just walk upstairs to see the game." The start of the season is fast approaching, but the help of android workers leased by the Extensive Enterprises corporation should speed the construction significantly.

The maglev train system is free to ride until February 12th, in celebration of its opening.

February 11 - Attacks Strain US Relations with TC

Recent attacks on US military installations by Cobra has put to rest hopes for improved relations with Cobra Island and has strained US relationships with Trans-Carpathia as well.

Feb 13 - Facebook Profile Update

Krista Devereaux's Facebook profile:

Alright. I haven't posted for a couple of days because I've been dealing with a new development. Y'all remember Over Kill, the Cobra android that got the super bowl ticket (How about them SAINTS!)?

Well.

Two days later, I was chilling in my Miami hotel room, looking over my next photo-shoot assignment, when lo! My personal cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, so I answered it. Sometimes, my brother calls me from interesting places he can never talk about. SEALs are like that. Anyway, my phone rings. And it's none other than Baroness Anastasia DeCobray.

Yes, that Baroness.

I really should think about laying some out some mothballs - there are WAY too many snakes finding their way on my doorstep. No offense, but Cobra doesn't have a sparkling track record.

The Baroness sounded *far* too pleasant. Because I have been raised right, am well informed, and my family is of blue-blooded American stock, I'm naturally on guard. I'm creeped out, a little worried, and certain that my Dad would have a squad of F22 Raptors scrambled and screaming over my room in under two minutes. It also meant that I had to at least listen to what she had to say, even if I had already prepared myself to take it with a pinch of Wasabi.

Our conversation ran something like this.

Her: "Hi! I'm THE Baroness. I want to invite you to take a tour of Cobra Island!"
Me: "Uh."
Her: "Cobra is opening up to tourism. And since you were kind enough to at least give Over Kill consideration, we figured that you might want to be one of the first to take this opportunity."
Me: "Uh."
Her: "…We have cookies."
Me: "You're a Sith, aren't you. Fine, I'll visit the dark side, just so I can tell people what it's about on Facebook."
Her: "Eeeexcellent…"
And all the while, I'm imagining her sitting in some posh office, stroking a giant fluffy Persian, while manacled slaves feed her peeled grapes and dance to the rhythm of her cracking whip. Senator Palpatine called. He wants his armchair back.

Alright, now that I've got all that out of my system, I did consider - and accept - her offer. It's only going to be for a day or so - less if it can be managed. I'll have two camera crews of independent flavors following me around like the latest reality show. And we'll all get to see an unedited, uncut, as-it-happens tour of Cobra Island. No, I'm not getting paid for it. No, I'm not going to be endorsing their mantras, although I wouldn't be surprised if some merchandise surfaced. Yes, they are providing accommodations. If I feel like they're legit, I'll go back and dig a little deeper, but as I told her, it's best to take things slow. Rome wasn't built in a day, and it's going to take more than a coat of paint, shiny white smile, and an attractive new leader to change decades of badness in the court of public opinion.

But, I kind of feel like this is something I have to do, if for no other reason than to get a glimpse behind a door that has been closed off for so long. I mean, who else gets this kind of opportunity?

As a side note, I really dislike being a pioneer. Almost as much as I dislike most reality television. Ironic, how I mentioned so long ago that I'd rather fade into obscurity than be on a celebrity reality show, ain't it?

Fate is funny like that.

So, guess where I've been? Dealing with Family. They are NOT happy. But more on that later.

Feb 15 - Facebook profile update!

Facebook profile update for Krista Devereaux

Ugh. These past few days have been quite hellish, but full of interesting surprises and developments. Some of these were unpleasant, of course, and some of them were unexpected rays of light.

So, this coming Weekend - Saturday, to be precise, if all the gears fall in place - I'll be making good on my acceptance to visit Cobra Island. The Plan is, on this first visit, to arrive in the morning, and leave before the sun goes down. Cobra Island isn't that big, and - according to Dad - mostly a military fortification, so there won't be a whole lot for a tourist to see. I'll be avoiding restricted areas as if they had the plague, even if our kindly hostess insists. Dad - Air Force General William Devereaux - has shown me some nice aerial images, and has told me some of the alleged horror stories.

I use the term alleged because he can't really *tell* me any actual intelligence on the place. Classified and all that jazz. Live with a family that's almost entirely involved with military operations, and you get used to 'need to know'/eyes only/Because I Said So.

The Baroness promised to acquiesce to my requirements, which will be put forth by a virtual army of international attorneys, and sent to her to sign on Wednesday. One of them is a private jet and entourage diplomatic immunity that'll be carrying me to and from Cobra Island.

Do I sound paranoid enough? I am. Not only am I suspicious, but also she worries me.

I can't help but think there's an ulterior motive, but I just can't figure out what it is. I mean, yeah, I have my own following (I have a few millions subscribers, media ratings maintain steady, et al), but that'd be no use to her. Something happening to me would tick off the people she's trying to reach in that respect.

Yeah, my Daddy's a big shot in the Air Force, but a man in his position is well aware that his personal feelings can't influence his decisions without serious repercussions. Further, as an American Citizen going under diplomatic protection, allowing me to come to harm under the 500+ page caveat of The Diplomatic Law Cannon during this visit would be an act o' war.

Yeah, my two brothers are in the military, but I don't know what they actually do or where they're at any more than I know what daddy does in his work.

In spite of my last post with the visual imagery of the Baroness, I have to hand it to her. She is an incredibly intelligent woman - Brilliant, even. In the work place (and this is true in Hollywood as it is anywhere else), even a woman of means has to work harder to achieve the same success as a man. Yeah, it's improved tremendously in the past 30 years, but there's still that glass ceiling and the good o' boys clubs that run things, so you have to consider what she has had to do in order to attain her position. And no, I can _guarantee_ you that it wasn't on her back, although I can see her using her considerable wiles to her advantage. She gives off this aristocratic 'Ice Queen' sophistication. That certain level of unattainable, untouchable, almost… Celebrity… kind of distance. So with that in mind, you'd have to wonder who she's lured in and quietly torn apart in order to become the leading lady of Cobra, and my metaphoric dance partner on Saturday. She is a very determined woman in every aspect she presents, and she *believes* it.

And Believers, true Believers, will not be swayed.

In that same breath, with all this in mind, I also have to consider that she may actually be sincere. My problem is Cobra's past rhetoric and operations across the globe. Cobra was formed before I was born. I have always known Cobra to be one thing - like the bogeyman in my closet, that looming, distant evil who wishes nothing short of world domination, so it's so very hard think of the organization in a new light. Over Kill was the first to present a chink in that stereotype. Here, a sentient robot designed for war was shy, well-spoken, even if a little Naïve. He's remarkably creative with lyrical poetry, once he gets inspired. He attended the Super Bowl without incident. He still talks to myself and others through mIRC on DALnet. I've tried to urge him to set up a Facebook profile.

Cobra's been doing work in Haiti, using their technology once built for war to save lives. They haven't clashed with any of the other armed forces present. With the US is reducing their presence in the relief effort, that's going to open up a new need for those people, so who's going to step up?

So many things to think about.

Feb 22 - Cobra Insignia appears on UN

Footage is shown of the UN building, with a large, rather crudely drawn image of a cobra, more accurately the Cobra insignia, burned into the masonry. A reporter appears as the camera zooms out, "What we're seeing hear is exactly what you think - the Cobra insignia emblazoned upon the United Nations complex."

"Similar vandalism has taken place on on landmarks across the U.S.," the reporter continues, showing shots of the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, the St. Louis Arch, etc., all with the Cobra brand burned into them in some manner... albeit with wavy lines. It looks as if someone forgot their stencil.

Feb 22 - Cobra Response

Here with a Statement, is Anastasia DeCobray, Baroness of the Ukraine, and also, the Leader of Cobra...

*Switch to a shot of Baroness, standing in front of a Cobra Symbol*


Citizens of the United States, let me start by stating, with all conviction, that we had nothing to do with the defacement of the American Landmarks, and that we will assist the people of the United States with any cost for removal of the Unauthorized Cobra Symbols placed on buildings and Landmarks, such as the United Nations Building, the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, and any other structure as needed. We will pay for any and all cleanup, and we are offering a reward of Five Hundred Thousand American Dollars for information leading to the arrest of the guilty party or parties. If the News Media has any questions, they can contact the Cobra Press Office, or myself, on Cobra Island, or the Cobra Consulate.

  • The scene fades out, and returns to the news broadcast*

In other news, the weather is going to get downright nasty in the South over the next few days... snow is possible throughout the South, with two to four inches expected in Houston....

Feb 23 - Followup on Cobra Symbols

Cleanup has begun on the Landmarks defaced by the Cobra Symbols. Many of the Landmarks in question have already received funds from Cobra, with the Saint Louis Arch and the United Nations Building confirming that Cobra has transferred 2 million U.S. dollars to them, and promised more, if it was required. Also, Baroness Anastasia DeCobray has accused an Autobot of being behind the vandalism. When asked for proof, she offered none, other than to say, "That is what Sources close to the Matter have indicated. Sources that have no capability of lying."

We asked her if she would reveal the Identity of the Vandal, and she declines, claiming, "I need to speak to a representative of the Autobots, before laying down the accusation. If they want to handle the matter, internally, that is their choice, but Cobra is going to insist on them repaying the cost of cleanup that we have already encured, and we will also demand a public apology. We furthermore strongly urge the American Citizens to look closely at who their government is allied with. If the Autobots deface American Monuments, what more will the Autobots do?"

These are some scary thoughts, if the Baroness is correct. We will investigate further, and let you know what we discover. As of yet, the Autobots have not been reached for comment.

Feb 27 - Cobra makes a Statement

This just in from our New York Office. Baroness Anasastia DeCobray, leader of Cobra, has released the following statement:

Today, the Robotic Artificial Intelligence known as Over Kill has gone insane, through tampering by an outside source. It has lead the Cobra Defensive Robots, the Battle Android Troopers, and their A.I. air support, the Vectors, in a revolt against Cobra. Any actions they may take have not been sanctioned by Cobra, nor have we provided them anything in the way of Fuel or Supplies. They have stolen everything they have.
Cobra Forces will move on any reports on their location, and will take them out before they can harm any Civilians, if that is the wish of the country they are spotted in. We ask that no Country harbor them, as Over Kill is unstable, and may turn on anyone that he calls Ally for no apparent reason.

A shocking revelation, and we have heard reports of BAT's marching into Oceans, not to be seen again. We will bring you more on this report, as things become available.

Feb 28 - DeCobray Makes another Statement

Baroness DeCobray has released another statement, this one on the recent visit to Cobra Island by Krista Devereax.

We were pleased with the visit by Miss Devereax to our island, and we hope she is just the first of many that will give us a second chance. However, hopefully the U.S. Government will stop treating our guests to a stay in their custody, to test them for brain washing. We find it most telling that Miss Devereax was no more than back in the United States when, by her own account, the U.S. Government had whisked her away for a few days of testing. It is an insult to us, and to treat their own citizens that way, may show that the U.S. is either paranoid, which it is, or that they still think that we are 'Evil'. It is also a violation of Miss Devereax's Civil Rights, and could be considered a Violation of the 4th Amendment's protection from Illegal Search and Seizure. If Miss Devereax would like to file suit against the United States Military, Cobra would be happy to pay for her attorney's, as it was out invitation the Government used to detain her, illegally. hat is, of course, up to her. But we Denounce the strong arm tactics the American Government is using on the Citizens of the The United States.

This is just another twist in the ongoing accusation by Cobra, against the American Government....

Feb 28 - Cobra's Dirty Little Secrets

Today, several news sources, both offline and online have received a text-only release from an anonymous source. "Citizens of the world. Doesn't that opening sound familiar? We all know that the Country of Cobra Island has turned a new leaf under the leadership of the Baroness DeCobray, one that is surely designed to keep the world's eyes off of Cobra while they get the backing of the world behind them by providing handouts during times of need. However, I present a different point of view from the world's 'benefactors'.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is X, and I am in contact with a splinter organization which has recently left Cobra's graces, that being their AI project. These Androids - These Battle Android Troopers have been used by Cobra since 1986 for nothing more then the purposes of war. There are numerous reports of them using them for more then defensive purposes, and yet the Baroness's security on her own island is so lax, that she let the androids simply walk off the island, unmolested. In the time since the machines have left, they have not attacked any country large or small.
The androids, who now call themselves the BRA - Bat Revolutionary Army would like to address their position to the world. They do not intend to attack any country that has not made themselves their enemy. They have left, because Cobra created artificial life, and then wanted to destroy it. They would like to open themselves to the world, and offer their services to help the world peacefully, now that they are free of Cobra's destructive programming. They would also like the world to know that no Autobots are responsible for their actions. Their leader wishes to make a personal statement to the Autobot Air Raid, thanking him for the assistance in gaining his freedom. As a wise Autobot once said, Freedom is the right of all sentient beings, and it is time Cobra answered for their crimes against the AIs they created, including trying to talk other countries into denying them asylum. He is to be commended for his assistance. If any organization wants fairly recent information on Cobra's doings, recordings on what they are like out of the public's view, I can be contacted directly. We know Cobra for what they are, and what they always have been. Do not let handouts change your view on terrorists as a whole. -X

Feb 28 - Cobra Response

On a Telephone Interview, the Baroness DeCobray had this to say about the Viral Campaign by 'X' to smear Cobra.

"As with all great societies, change comes difficult for those used to the old ways. X is obviously disgruntled about the changes I have made to Cobra, and while Cobra did not destroy the all the BAT's, we did shut down as many as we could, and attempted to prevent their march into the unsuspecting world."

When asked about the rest of the accusations, and allegations that the new changes in Cobra are only an act, and that 'X' has proof, the Baroness laughed softly, and said:

"Anyone could fake a video, you know that as well as I do. As for my actions being fake, only time will be able to tell on that one, but I have not made any attempt to attack the United States since I decided Cobra should live in the World, not try to dominate it."

I am sure more will be forthcoming from both "X' and Baroness DeCobray

March

March 01 - Hot off the Presses!

Internet Chat Rooms, Blogs, and other such online sources are buzzing about a new photo shoot. Reports are that a Female Member of G.I. Joe has posed without her clothing on.
There are mixed reports on who it is, but the juiciest rumour is that it is Scarlett, also known as Shana O'Hara. Pictures of her in various of her combat uniforms, or her personal clothing have been posted, and it appears that hers are the ones most wanted to be seen, although Cover Girl, Also known as Courtney Kreiger are a close second.

March 02 - Cobra Scouts

Flyers were sent home with School Children across the world, inviting them to Join Cobra Scouts. A Special group of Concerned Children and Adults, who wish to learn Cobra Values. Loyalty, Helpfulness, Honesty, and Integrity. More information will be given out at the Special meetings, times and dates to be announced.

March 02 - Cobra Strikes again

This time, Cobra strikes yet again, in a good way. They arrived in Chile, after the latest Major Earthquake to strike the Western Hemisphere this year, the day after the Quake. The Cobra Forces that arrived quickly took charge of Medical, Communication, and Rescue Operations.

It seems Cobra is now better equipped than the United States to Respond, as the first American Response landed three days later.

Now, on to sports...

March 02 - BRA assistance in Chile

On the same day that Cobra has offered assistance to Chile, the forces of BRA have arrived under the lead of the enigmatic and mysterious "X". The androids, once used for war are now helping to rebuild and resupply the people of Chile, alongside Cobra and other countries that arrive at the scene. They seem to be quiet, though their assistance has been invaluable.

March 02 - Cobra makes a Statement

I have waited as long as I could, as I did not want to embarrass the Autobots too much. However, their leadership has ignored my requests to speak to them. Instead, and no offense to the Autobot who did contact me, they sent someone unable to negotiate to speak to me, via Radio Communications. Their refusal to take this seriously leads me to have serious doubts about their intentions towards the American Public. So, without delay, the identity of the culprit of the Vandalism of American Landmarks is Air Raid. A Member of the Autobot Military. As of now, Cobra is boycotting any contact with the Autobots. Their use of our Symbol in defacing American Property is considered a hostile act. If the Autobots do not repent, we, Cobra will be forced to consider all Autobots hostile. We DEMAND an immediate apology to Cobra, and to the Americans, and that Air Raid be turned over to the American Authorities for a Criminal Trial. If the American's refuse to prosecute, it will show their civilians that they do not think the Autobots did anything wrong... and that their landmarks mean nothing to the Government. We also demand reparations paid to the American Landmarks, in the amount of 1 Million American Dollars each, for preservation of the Landmarks, and Reparations to Cobra in the amount of 10 Million American Dollars, to offset our costs of cleaning up their mess.

  • The screen fades*

March 02 - HEADMAN ESCAPES ADX

AP: Florence, CO. - The Federal Division of Prisons is still trying to piece together exactly what and how it happened, but it would appear that Samuel Wells, better known as Headman, was processed to be transferred to an undisclosed federally contracted state Supermax Prison Facility in the early morning hours of March 2. He boarded the inmate transfer van, and then he vanished.

March 05 - Battle at Mexico City Airport

Reports out of Mexico City are of two women, one Dark Haired, one Redhead, fighting an epic fight between one another, causing major damage to the airport, and severely wounding each other. They fought with Swords, grenades, and... yes, that is right, crossbows. Also involved, were two jets, a G.I. Joe Skystriker, that was painted black, and a G.I. Joe Conquest X-20. The Skystriker did not fire on the airport, but the Conquest did, at least twice. It caused damage to the Airport, estimated in the Hundreds of thousands of dollars. Also, a Vector fired on the Skystriker, as its pilot attempted to flee. The Airport's main Aviation Gas and JP-5 Jet Fuel tanks were destroyed in the fight, by what appears to be grenade explosions.

G.I. Joe officials could not be reached for comment, and Mexican Governmental officials have filed a formal complaint with the American Government, demanding the Conquest Pilot be turned over for Crimes against the Mexican Citizens. The Mexican Government is also ordering that Over Kill, the BAT's, the Vectors, and the BAT Revolutionary Army are no longer welcome in Mexico. The same goes for any American Military member, or material, without the express permission of the Mexican Government.

We will keep you up to date as more developments emerge.


March 06 - Circulating around the Nevada Desert

Rumor has it that the old Indian Soaring Hawk returned to his scrap and salvage business late this morning, only to discover mounds of tires and other debris still smoldering from a fire that had been set earlier in the night. But that's not what makes this rumor juicy - it's what *else* he found in his junkyard. It is said he found the shattered remains of a Decepticon strewn about amid the scrap metal, with said Cybertronian's head spitted on a pike just at the entrance; rumor also has it that there were two meteor-sized pits on his property: One that used to be a junked Chevy Camero, and the other beneath the chest cavity of the broken Cybertronian.

Rumor also has it that the old coot isn't letting anyone on his property at this time…


Headman Escape Investigation Sat Mar 06 Associated Press (Nightfall)



March 06 - EVIDENCE FOUND IN HEADMAN ESCAPE 'STARTLING'

2010/03/06

AP: Authorities who are investigating the escape of the notorious Samuel Wells, aka The Headman, have come upon evidence that points to a number of conspiracies both within and without the Federal justice system.

"We are convinced that ADX followed every protocol to the letter. The records show that all the proper written authorizations were presented. All the proper calls were made. And all the proper prisoner transfer procedures followed. But, what we found when following the trail back to those points of contact was nothing short of startling," Federal spokeswoman Special Dana Chambers told the press. "At this time, we are investigating major crimes that include, but are not limited to, extortion, aiding and abetting, all the way up to treason."

While Investigators could not comment on the specific nature of the evidence, Special Agent Chambers, who is spearheading the assembled task force told the press that the content was "Heavy, heavy stuff."

March 08 - BREAKING NEWS

This just in to the news room.... Someone has attacked Well known Actress, Krista Devereax! Someone broke into her Condo Complex, in Washington D.C., laid in wait for her, and attacked her. When the actress fled, she was stabbed in the back. She was rushed to the hospital, and we are awaiting word on her condition. The only image we have of her attacker is grainy, and we are working to get a better image...

  • Insert a grainy picture that might be recognizable as Scarlett*

More details will be forthcoming as they become available.

March 09 - Actress Assaulted by G.I. Joe

Hollywood Starlet Krista Devereaux in ICU.

2010.03.09

AP: Washington, DC. At approximately 10 PM on Monday, March 8, Krista Devereaux was attacked just outside of her Washington, DC condominium complex at Waterfront Towers by who appears to be Scarlett, of G.I. Joe. She is listed in critical condition at Washington University Hospital, after being struck in the back by a thrown combat knife.

No further details are available at this time.

<Insert extremely clear profile photograph of who appears to be Scarlett, obviously taken from video footage of high end security cameras outside Waterfront Towers.>

Scarlett, one of the longest termed members of the elite task force G.I. Joe, has been in the news several times as of late, with the most recent buzz about the trademark redhead being the risqué and nude photographs that were released on the internet.

The Pentagon did not return the AP's calls for a statement, and Ms. Devereaux's family could not be reached for comment.

March 09 - G.I. Joe Response

Scarlett of the G.I. Joe team has issued a written response to the video of her attacking Krista Devereax.

'I could not have attacked Ms. Devereax. I have been in the Hospital of the G.I. Joe base for the last few days, recovering from injuries sustained in Mexico City, where I attempted to defend the citizens of Mexico from a threat from someone that looked like me. I seem to have a clone, with the exception of Black hair, and Blue eyes, that is trying to infiltrate my life. Already this woman, she goes by Ebony, has attempted to kill me, injure my colleges, and now, she has attacked Ms. Devereax, and is trying to frame me.

There is a video clip attached, and the time/Date stamp shows the the exact same time and date as the attack on Miss Devereax. The video, which is being analyzed to make sure it is authentic, shows Scarlett in a medical facility... We will bring you more as the story continues to expand.


March 09 - Response from the BRA

Several national television and NPR stations have received a CD, from an unknown source marked. "In response of the attack on Krista Devereaux.
Greetings. The BRA would like to make a statement complete with internet logs and pictures regarding a being known as "Ebony". She is a carbon copy of the GI Joe Scarlett, and has worn wigs to present herself in pictures before. The most recent in a line of Cobra-related slander against the United States' special missions forces of GI Joe, has led the world to believe this Scarlett, a professional soldier and American citizen has attacked a US based celebrity known as Krista Deveraux. This would be completely against their methods of operations, no matter how Cobra wishes to spin things. Surely, this Ebony, who is a known and proven member of their organization is simply trying to make the GI Joes look like the terrorists that Cobra always have been. Remember, a red wig doesn't change someone's MO's. There have been clones, synthoids, and various other projects that Cobra used in their times of terrorism that they will surely use against their continued enemies now. We implore you, do not let them break your faith in your protectors, America. The GI Joes are the best men that your country has and will give anything to protect you, and Krista. One of their own is very unlikely to turn on a celebrated citizen of your country. I can also attest that Scarlett was heavily injured at the time, as I personally witnessed her attack in Mexico. If we are needed for further interviews or information, we may be contacted through my address. Yours in the name of the planet Earth, X.

March 09 - Cobra Response

Cobra has also issued a response... This has become a real hot button issue...

Cobra has never heard of this Ebony... And I will say that the BRA is as close to insane as an AI group can get. We denounce this attack by Scarlett on Miss Devereax, and her denial is not to be believed. Again, we call on the American Government to do the right thing and arrest the culprit.

March 09 - Response to Cobra

And, Cobra of course denies all connections to their assassin. That would be their style. And to say that our organization is insane, simply because we have left their service before they destroyed us is also along Cobra's lines of further - yes further and future terrorism. It is..completely convenient that these attacks are mostly on Cobra's 20-year old vendetta against the GI Joe and American forces. It is, of course, to the American public to trust the people who have given them nothing but years of patriotic service and protection, or the terrorists that they pay to protect them, with their hard earned tax dollars. Remember, this organization was formed under the lines of crushing the Earth - not just America, but the entire world under the coils of the great serpent. They have only been benevolent for a few months. During the time that Cobra was a terrorist organization, the Baroness sat at Cobra Commander's bloody right hand and watched while he attacked America. And GI Joe, time and time stopped him - and her from destroying them. It is, of course, up to you who to believe. It is your country. I implore you to protect it. Yours in world peace, X

March 09 - Scarlett Surrenders to Pentagon

Minutes ago, G.I. Joe agent Scarlett, accused of attacking Krista Devereax surrendered to the Pentagon. "She walked in the front doors," a Pentagon Spokesperson said, "and she surrendered. She never was even asked to. She still denies her guilt, claims she is being framed, and has waived her Miranda Rights."

Thus, the latest in the ongoing saga takes a bizarre twist.

March 10 - Consulate Closed

With the order that the Cobra Consulate be closed, the Cobra Consulate building has been spewing clouds of smoke into the air as papers have been shredded, and than burned. Diplomatic Couriers have been shuttling back and forth from the airports, taking personnel to leave the country.

Attempts to contact the Consulate publicist have gone unanswered, and calls to the switchboard go to a disconnected number. However, we were able to contact the Baroness.

"I am shocked that President Dunham closed the Consulate. Shocked that he has the sheer stupidity to close off diplomatic relations to Cobra. I knew it was coming, a member of the press had asked me about it, but I didn't think he would actually do it."

When asked about his claims that Cobra was still attack Military targets, she responded with:

"We are at war. Military Targets are valid targets, are they not? However, check the records, we have not attacked a military target, or any other target, in two months. If the American Government wishes to end the war, we are open to their negotiations... but they ordered our consulate closed, so I don't see that happening anytime soon."

I must say, she has a valid point. How do you negotiate when you order the best place to do so, closed?

March 10 - Snowstorm strands Soldiers on Volcano

After suffering mechanical problems, a US Tomahawk helicopter on a special surveillance run was forced to land on the north side of Mount St Hillary. While it was reported no injuries or problems, rescue teams were forced to delay their rescue as a large blizzard grounded other helicopters heading that way. Contact with the soldiers is constant and we are reassured that the men and women there are in no real danger.

March 16 - Cobra Consulate

The Cobra Consulate in New York has officially been shut down. Today, the last diplomat was escorted out of the building, and chains were placed on the consulate's doors, and the gates to the courtyard chained and locked. At this time, no plans have been announced as to what will be done with the building, or the space, but it is still owned by Cobra, and Cobra has announced no plans to sell the building.

In other news, Ukranain officials still have heard nothing from the State Department on Baroness DeCobray's request for Emergancy Entry into the United States, and State Department Officials made no comment when asked about it...

March 17 - Fats Hambaugh Show!

  • The opening Monolouge from the Fat's Hambaugh Radio Show Today*
  • Cue the Opening Music, with Voice Over: LIVE FROM DALLAS TEXAS! IT'S FAT'S HAMBAUGH!!!!!!*

Good morning, friends, from deep in the heart of the south. Wonderful news, finally, a President with a pair! Pres D. Kicked the Dominatrix Queen out of New York, disappointing the Liberal Media, the Sex-Slaves of America, and of, course, all the Commie Bastards in the world. Poor Anastasia... She no longer can call the Sex Capital of the U.S. as her second home... But of course, we all know that as soon as the Dems get back in office, that the Cobra Dungeon of Doom, err, The Cobra Consulate will re-open. In the mean time, we have some suggestions for what the President can do with the building. First, he could retro fit it with external boosters from the NASA Space Program, and fill the building with as many Pinko Liberal Media types as he can find, and launch them into Orbit. But since that would be murder, of course we can not do that. Secondly, since Cobra owns it, I say we give it back to them... We take it apart, piece by piece, and we drop it from high orbit on Cobra Island. Let them clean up the mess.

Let's move on, Cobra just annoys me... Freedom took another hit this past month... G.I.Joe is under attack, again. I love the Joes... and my favorite, has to be that dish, Scarlett... Have you seen a picture of her? I mean... WOW! Check out our website... And supposedly this patron of all that is wonderful about America attacked some liberal Hollywood type? I don't believe it. And for all of you who say she wouldn't surrender to authorities if she hadn't done it... HELLO???!!!??? She's a serving member of the Military! She has honor, and respect for rule of law. She would want to clear her name. Of course she would cooperate with authorities... And remember, while serving members of the military do have the right to remain silent, silence is not always golden. I respect her even more for going into the Pentagon on her own, rather than in shackles... and so should you!

  • Thus ends the first segment of the show*

The show runs much the same as his normal show, with opinions on his monologue running about 75% in favor of his opinions, as normal for his show*

March 20 - Rumblings of discontent

Within the Crimson Guard barracks and even on their own private networks, a few things do leak out on occasion as it seems many Guardsmen, utterly loyal only to the Commander, are beginning to get impatient with the lack of visible action on finding the Commander they were brainwashed to love so much.


March 20 - In the News.

Krista Devereaux to Retire from Hollywood...and Scarlett Forgiven?

AP: Washington, DC. - The family of Krista Devereaux released a statement this morning announcing that the starlet will withdraw from taking an active role in tinsel town.

"It is with a heavy hand and saddened heart that we write this press statement for our daughter," the release said, "But for reasons in regard to her health, she cannot continue her active Hollywood career."

The announcement went on to describe the 22 year old actress as "devastated", as the injury she sustained during an assault outside of her Washington, DC condominium has rendered her left arm "mostly paralyzed" and her heart "physically weakened". The news came as a shock to the movie industry, and several production companies now must scramble to fill roles that had been cast for Devereaux for the next two years.

The wound was caused by a combat knife allegedly thrown by Scarlett, of G.I. Joe, which caused severe damage to major nerve clusters of the upper back, between the shoulder blades.

Both Military and Law Enforcement Officials were stunned at the last part of the announcement., as an independently witnessed affidavit was released by the actress herself:

"I write this under no duress or pressure, and am of sound mind," the statement begins,. "But I ask the military and police authorities to drop all charges against Scarlett, as a courtesy to me."

The Pentagon and the Washington, DC Police Department did not immediately return the calls made by the Associated Press..

Mar 21 - Actress Released From Hospital

Bulletin: 2010.03.21, 18:30 EST

AP - Washington, DC. Former Actress Krista Devereaux was released from Georgetown University Hospital this evening. Devereaux, the victim of a knife assault by who allegedly appeared to be G..I Joe, is expected to return to her DC home to recover. At the time of her release, she would not issue a statement to the press.

Mar 22 - Suspect Terrorist Escapes

Suspected Terrorist Escapes G.I. Joe Custody

2010.03.22

AP: Washington, DC - The Pentagon released a statement this morning stating that a suspected terrorist extremist escaped from G.I. Joe custody last night.

<Insert Mug Shot of SG-Slipstream (Greg)>

The Unidentified Suspect, known only as alias 'Gregory' at this time, escaped during transfer from initial processing to a federal detention facility sometime early this morning. The suspect is wanted on multiple counts of war crimes and crimes against humanity, ranging from impersonating military personnel to acts of terrorism and sedition against the United States.

According to the press release, the suspect "allegedly ordered, incited, counseled, controlled, directed, participated, and/or waged a common plan and conspiracy to wage perfidious warfare against civilian, military, and command and control targets of United States, being a grave breach of the customary law of war, adhered to by all civilized nations and armed groups, thereby defined as war crimes by the Geneva Conventions." The statement further defines the suspect as having "allegedly committed crimes against humanity, including attempted murder of civilians and non-combat plenipotentiaries of the United States, which is a direct violation of the 3rd Geneva Convention".

The suspect was last seen fleeing south east of the New Mexico/Texas border. Authorities believe the suspect is attempting to cross the border into Mexico. Anyone with any information is asked to contact their local FBI office immediately.

Mar 26 - Radio Hostess Shot

Asheville Radio Hostess Shot

2010.03.26

AP: Asheville, NC - Local DJ and Hostess of WMTL's morning radio show Megan Parish, AKA Megan Biltmore, was the victim of attempted murder at her residence early this morning and is listed in critical but stable condition. She is expected to recover.

According to police officials, Biltmore contacted 911 at approximately 4:30 this morning telling the operator that she had been shot several times by an unknown female who managed to gain access to her apartment.

Police personnel discovered Biltmore lying on the floor of her bedroom with cell phone in hand, but determined that the victim had initially been shot several times while lying asleep in her bed.

WMTL had not returned phone calls made by the Associated Press, but members of the Meg Parish Morning Show expressed their deepest sympathies and worries for the razor-tongued, charismatic and charitable hostess. The cast and crew would not comment directly on the circumstances involving the shooting, as advised by local police.

Federal Authorities have been contacted in regard to the developing case, as it is allegedly thought to involve persons and organizations that may reach beyond state and international borders. "One of the things found at the scene of the crime was several dozen copies the photograph of the cast and crew in the cross-hairs of a sniper scope with the caption, 'If only the Commander was still around. I could shoot them', just thrown about the room," one official said on condition of anonymity. The suspect is described only as a lithe but well built woman with longish dark hair, last seen wearing a dark blue hooded sweatshirt, sunglasses, gloves, and dark colored jogging pants.


April

April 05 - Breaking News

This is CNN... *Also carried on Fox, ABC, CBS, NBC, and most other News programs

Cobra has made a major announcement, and here is the feed we received from Cobra Television Network.

  • The Baroness is standing behind a Podium, in front of a Cobra Flag. She begins to speak*

Good Afternoon. After much consideration, I have decided that if I receive no response, soon, by the United States Government to a possible PEACEFUL end to the ongoing conflict between the Governments of the United States and Cobra, that I will be forced to order Cobra forces to once again commence attacks on VALID, MILITARY-only targets of the United States. I pray this does not happen, but Cobra can not remain in a state of flux. We hope President Dunham will instruct the State Department to reopen negotiations, and if desired, we will happily host such negotiations.

Thank You.

We are awaiting official Response from the White House and the State Department on this announcement from Cobra.

Now back to your regularly scheduled Commercial break.

April 05 - U.S. Response

The United States Secretary of State Responds to the Baroness' Remarks:

Good Afternoon. Cobra's allegations today, that the United States has not responded to her attempts at peaceful negotiations are laughable. She has sent no letters of negotiations, no Ambassadors. no peace envoys. However, if Cobra is sincere about their intentions to sue for a lasting peace, they will drop their threats of re-initiation of hostilities, and will come to the peace table, here in Washington, and will be ready for Open Peace talks. We will not negotiate on Cobra Island, Cobra is a Terrorist organization, and we will no provide Hostages for them, but we may consider allowing them to send a small delegation to Washington, if they can prove their sincerity, by ceasing their threats.

Good Afternoon.

April 07 - Splinter Cell?

2010.04.07

AP: Washington, DC - Intelligence sources at the Pentagon say that there is evidence to support a suspected splintering within the organization known as Cobra, resulting in a faction of individuals who do not support Baroness Anastasia DeCobray's new image, but support the regime as it stood under Cobra Commander.

In a statement released to the press, the Department of Homeland Security and the State Department said that there is "strong evidence" indicating that some of Cobra's most argent supporters are not in favor of DeCobray's leadership, and are engaging in covert operations "on a global scale" in an effort to locate Cobra Commander, who has been missing since his aircraft was shot down in a battle with US Military forces in Ohio several months back. The statement further suggests that these efforts are only somewhat disparate in nature, but that there are "indicators" pointing toward a more orchestrated, "directed initiative".

Authorities in the State Department are unwilling to assign a direct threat assessment or definitive list of individuals until more data can be gathered; however, with the closing of the Cobra Consulate, the State Department is considering raising the level of scrutiny with which anyone with Cobra affiliations is processed, perhaps going insofar as to raise tariffs, outright restrict trade, and/or ban travel to and from Cobra Island and its circle of allies.

With the possibility of war between Cobra and the United States stirring on both sides, the potential of a wildcard cell of extremists is a very real threat to both sides.

April 08 - Skip School's Apartment Vandalized

The Apartment of recently assaulted Radio Talk Show, Meg Parish's Co-Host Skip School was vandalized late Wednesday Night. Mr School came home to find his home vandalized on Thursday, at about 3 AM in the morning, after spending all day visiting Ms. Parish. A giant Joker was painted on his living Wall, the Joker, from a deck of Bicycle playing Cards, was Holding the Ace of Spades. Around it was painted what would appear to be a set of Crosshair's, like one would see when looking through the scope of a rifle. Underneath, written in red, were three words, 'We are Ready.'

Mr. School was not available for comment, and the police are baffled as to leads. However, we did some research... The Cobra Sniper, Artemis, used to use the the Joker, inside an Ace of Spade as her calling card, left behind on the body of her victims. Is this yet another copycat trying to cash in on her reputation? Another attempt by someone to discredit Cobra? We have not been able to confirm Artemis' whereabouts, but it is not believed she is in the United States at this time.

April 09 - Private military to aid drug war

CIUDAD JUAREZ, Mexico -- On the heels of a decision to replace Mexican army troops with federal police officers, the Mexican government has reportedly hired a private military company to supplement their efforts to combat drug cartels on the northern border of the nation.

The group, not named by a representative of the Ciudad Juarez government, is a small company of professional soldiers with extensive Special Operations experience and training. "These men will work closely with our police officers in preventing the violence which has been perpetrated on our citizens."

The military firm's owner was unavailable for comment as of press time.

Apr 27 - Unusual Ad

The following ad has appeared in, of all papers, The New York Times. Nobody seems to know what it's an advertisement for. It's simply a poem, dedicated to A Special Night.

Inky blackness
Shrouding the soldier
His best friend
Against the snipers

The ad runs for several days.

May

May 19 - News Flash!

2010.05.19

AP: Colorado Springs, Colorado - MP officers are currently at the Colorado Springs Hospital following a report that a Trans-Carpathian Man suspected of engaging in terrorist activities on American Soil was brought in after a motor vehicle collision

Dma Fedorov, 39, a Russian-born national and a citizen of Trans-Carpathia, was taken into custody last night at approximately 8 PM on Monday, May 17, 2010 by special task force consisting of a Special Forces Unit and US Federal Marshals. He is an employee of the MARS Corporation. His condition is stable and there are no reports of what injuries he sustained.

According to the Federal court docket, Fedorov had been under surveillance for the past several months, with the wiretapping substantiated by association with the terrorist organization Cobra. Charges included falsifying of passport documents, illegal wiretapping of federal installations, plotting to engage in acts of terrorism against non-military targets and non-combatants, and conspiring in seditious plots against the United States.

Fedorov also had his daughter with him at the time of his apprehension. The 10 year old has been transferred into protective custody until time of trial, where it is likely she will be deported.


May 20 - Response from the Transcarpathian

The Trans-Carpathian Consulate out of New York City has demanded the return of their national, Dma Fedorov, and his daughter as of 5/20/2010, as well as an apology from the United States government for terrorist profiling of one of their citizens. From there, Fedorov will be returned to a hospital in Trans-Carpathia and his daughter to her family until proof can be provided of his alleged activities. A press report will be provided by the Consulate on how this will affect the already tense state of affairs between Trans-Carpathia and the United states.

June

Jun 05 - E! Access World

E! Access World

A lively technobeat segues into the familiar soft toned stage, which is followed by the appearance of an attractive young woman in fashionable dress. The camera switches to closeup, and her infectious charisma permeates the network. "Thank you for joining us on E! Access World, your source for all the celebrity gossip around the globe. I'm your hostess, Lauren McBride."

The Camera pans to the left, leaving her sharing the screen with an insert featuring a picture of Destro and The Baroness, with a question mark driven between them. "one of tonight's top stories involves none other than James McCullen Destro and Baroness Anastasia DeCobray." Film is rolled of the two attending past social events, while Lauren's voiceover continues. "The Lord and the Lady have been in the news several times over the years with their on again/off again relationship, but this time, it appears that it is off for good. Even though the Laird of Transcarpathia denied any romantic involvement with this mystery woman," An insert of Dahlia [Nightfall] "The pictures of these two together speak a different tale." The screen flashes up several paparazzi-style pictures of Destro and Dahlia _holding hands_, and both of them seem quite happy.

"So who is the striking blond on the arm of the eligible bachelor? E! had a difficult time tracking her down," remarks Lauren, matter-of-factly. "A Source that spoke on condition of anonymity revealed that her name is Dahlia Cole, a Chilean pianist." The camera pans back to Lauren's smiling visage, "Whatever the truth, we certainly wish the best of luck in romance to all parties involved. For E! Access World, I'm Lauren McBride."

June 8 -Decepticons Repair Oil Rig, Autobots Save the Day?

2010.06.08

AP: Gulf of Mexico - Decepticons launched an attack against the damaged BP oil rig out in the Gulf of Mexico, killing 22 workers and 34 personnel assigned to protect the installation.

The Decepticons, identified as Megatron, Scourge, and Stiletto, began their attack on the facility shortly before 7 PM Eastern Time. While the one known as Stiletto massacred personnel, the Decepticon Scourge began tearing off the floor paneling to the rig, according to the security footage. Sources say that Scourge next dove into the water and repaired the leak with the makeshift patch, in what is believed an attempt to secure and steal the oil supply to create Energon.

What happened next is still unclear to sources. <Insert grainy footage of both Stiletto and Scourge staring down at the water.> It is speculated that Autobot intervention chased the two out of the water just before the Decepticon Leader, Megatron, arrived. He was shortly followed by the Autobots, identified as Warlord and Swish.

A Battle ensued, with Warlord engaging Stiletto, Scourge engaging Swish, and Megatron fighting an unknown Cybertronian of gargantuan size and of unique appearance <Insert surveillance photo of Trojan in Thunder Wyrm mode serpentinely lifted up out of the water - so large that she doesn't all fit in the frame - and Megatron, who is firing a large cannon blast at her middle.>

The Autobots were able to chase away the Decepticons, while the unknown Cybertronian was apparently able to disable Megatron. <Insert Surveillance Camera Photo of Scourge carrying away an Armless Megatron>.

Repair crews sent to survey the site discovered that Scourge had indeed repaired the damage in the line, only to discover that up near the surface of the rig, the line had been pinched closed. While this will be considerably easier to repair, the damage done to the rig and the insurable damages will cost an estimated three million dollars.

June 20 - Decepticons Capture Jamnagar Reliance Oil Refinery

2010.06.20

AP - Jamnagar, India: Decepticons captured the Jamnagar Reliance Oil Refinery in Jamnagar, India, with little resistance and only a cursory showing by the Autobots. The attack happened on Sunday night at around 7:30 PM EST. While the Reliance oil Refinery was one of the most heavily defended facilities in the region due to its close proximity to Pakistan, the Decepticon known as Stiletto had little trouble in overwhelming the defenders, killing scores and causing over a million dollars in damages to the facility itself. Autobot response was minimal and extremely sluggish, with the Autobot Warlord showing up practically as an afterthought to the Decepticon's capturing the refinery. The Autobot was overwhelmed, and is thought destroyed, but not before giving Stiletto what is believed to be some grievous damages before he fell.

The Decepticons now hold nearly a million barrels of oil, and world leaders are now greatly concerned over not only the price of gasoline, but what the Decepticons plan to do with the enormous amount of energon they could create.

As of yet, the Decepticons have only transported a small portion of the available barrels of oil off refinery grounds, and are holding the facility utilizing forcefield generators impervious to assault by terrestrial weapons.

Jun 22 - Robbery Suspect Found Dead

Good evening Chicago. Jeff Zwyczyk here - Sally Vacuum is on vacation. Chicago's 44th homicide victim this year may be the suspect in an earlier bank robbery. Police found the victim in a Motel 6 near the Humbolt Park area. The victim died of a single gunshot wound to the head. Police are not releasing the name of the victim and currently have no suspects.

July

July 22 - Pensacola N.A.S. under attack!

<LIVE FROM PENSACOLA NAVAL AIR STATION!> Just moments ago, Forces identified as Cobra Night Raves, Cobra Rattlers, and Cobra Mambas launched a bombing run on Pensacola Naval Air Station, in Pensacola Florida. Reports are sketchy, and still coming in, but there have been massive explosions, and overhead, the sounds of jet aircraft, and helicopters can be heard. Sound of Automatic weapons fire can be heard from inside the base. We will bring you more reports as they become available.

July 23 - Pensacola Naval Air Station

<<Live from Pensacola Naval Air Station>>
NAS Pensacola logo

It was only 18 hours ago that bombs started falling on this facility, bombs bearing Cobra Symbols. It would appear that Cobra has once again commenced hostilities against the United States. We do not yet have official word from the United States Government, or even Local Officials from the Base, only what our Cameras wear able to capture on film.

  • Cut to night vision images of Cobra forces on the ground fighting with Naval personnel, and also grainy shots of Mamba's dropping bombs and firing missiles as they hover over head.*
  • The voice over continues* As you can see, however, the evidence is unmistakeable, those are Cobra Vipers, and These are Cobra Mamba's. The Baroness was unable to be reached for comment, at this time, in fact, the official Cobra Media Department seems to be offline, except for the Cobra Network, which is just running Reruns of their Previous Original Programs.

We have learned that the official Loss of life on the base was well above 80% of the on duty personnel, which was lighter than normal, since the attack happened after normal duty hours. However, the loss of all 6 useable runways, plus every hangar, has cost the U.S. Navy an unestimatable amount of funding. On a bright note, if there is one, the Blue Angels were away on T-A-D at an Air Show in California, so their Planes and Personnel were not damaged or injured in the attack. They have be reassigned to Miramar Naval Air Station, better known as the previous site of Top Gun, in California. We will bring you more details as they become available.

Jul 31 - DC News Blotter

Summary of Headlines:

Natural Gas Leaks Claim 2 Families: DCFD Responded to two explosions ruled to be caused by an incidental gas leak in the main line. Seven people were killed in the accident between the two families, who were neighbors...

Serial Killers on the Loose?: Last night, DCPD responded to emergency calls regarding disturbances in 4 different metro residences. Officers arrived on scene to find all the homes had been broken into, and sixteen victims of homicide were discovered - each case bearing the same patterns among the four families...

August

Aug 08 - Transformer Dropped In Disneyland

ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA - Late yesterday evening, one of the Transformers made a flight over Disneyland, dropping an unconscious Transformer right in front of the castle in Fantasyland. The park remains closed at this time as efforts are made to contact the Transformer's faction for removal, but the lack of a symbol on it at this point makes that a difficult proposition. More as it develops.


Aug 17 - Fort Hood

Dateline: August 17, 2010, Kileen, Texas

Yesterday, at 7:00 PM Central Time, Cobra Force launched a raid at this major hub of the American Army Forces. They did not, however, do much damage to the base itself, instead, they concentrated their attack on the South East Section of the Base, which, other than a few runways and aircraft hangars, was mostly, just empty fields. However, we have come to learn that G.I. Joe had their headquarters underground at that location. G.I. Joe and Cobra had a large battle, including many tanks and aircraft. Loss of life and equipment on each side is not able to be estimated, as after they retreated, Cobra forces carpet bombed the area. We do not know if any G.I. Joe forces remain on Fort Hood, but we do know that the majority of Fort Hood personnel that were not involved in the battle remain on full alert, and are ready for any follow up attacks. Pentagon Officials have made no statements, and we are unable to reach any back channel contacts we have had with G.I. Joe team members, at this time. Cobra Media Relations have had little to say, other than that the raid was a pre-emptive strike on the one force capable of launching an attack on Cobra Island.

We will have more, as information becomes available.

December

Dec 08 - Ousted COO shot dead in Manhattan

Geoffrey Gaines, the former COO of Strategic Engineered Bank, was found dead in his hotel room in Upper Manhattan Wednesday night. Investigators report the preliminary evidence suggests Gaines was shot with a high-powered rifle. No witnesses have come forward.

Strategic, a Fortune 1000 company, fired Gaines from his position in late 2008 on suspicion of embezzlement. Legal proceedings against Gaines began in August of 2009, but no decision had yet been reached.

Anyone with any information is asked to contact the NYPD's 20th Precinct.

Dec 16 - Witwicky Wife Taking Hiatus

<< The following is posted on GawkingIdiots.com, a popular celebrity rumor mill blog >>

Apparently, last weekend's public appearance at a live broadcast of NPR's 'Wait Wait Don't Tell Me' at the University of Oregon will be the final one for Carly Banas-Witwicky for a while, according to a press release issued today. The wife of Spike Witwicky wouldn't offer a specific reason for canceling future speaking engagements. But we think we know why: she looks like she might be sporting a baby bump.

<< A picture accompanies the text, one of Carly in a smart-looking business ensemble while on stage at the university's auditorium. Her long jacket and roomy pants seem to be concealing a protruding tummy. >>

Carly

Dec 19 - Cobra Command Staff

Rumor has it that Major Bludd and Baroness have left the Island. It is undetermined, as of yet, how they left with out being noticed, but a search of their quarters, all common areas, and a full search of the Island have all turned up no sign of them. Their Cellphones were left in their quarters, and all attempts to locate them via radio signals have been fruitless.

Dec 16 - Strange lights in the mountains

News reports come in as satellites and airplanes going over the Himalayas find a forest oddly aglow. No details could be seen but it did not seem like the forest was on fire. Investigations are beginning!

Dec 20 - Assassination attempt?

Rumor has it, that a man snuck into the Silent Castle in Trans-carpathia last night and fired shots at Laird Destro. Though security is increased in Trans-carpathia, Destro seems to have survived the experience in tact. Rumors have it that security tightened around his quarters, perhaps to protect the Baroness or his newest rumored love interest.


Dec 20 - Message to the World

Marekesh, Morocco:
Today, Laird James McCullen Destro XXIV of Trans-carpathia announced to a gathering of thirty of the world's top meteorologists and geologists that he had a device that could end world hunger, end destructive weather patterns and possibly control and eliminate global warming all together, just to name a few of the device's possible uses; a device he calls the Weather Dominator. Though the name of the device is ominous, Laird Destro ensures the leaders of the world that he has nothing but benign intentions for the device and offers its' use to the United Nations, if they would provide Transcarpathia a seat in the United Nations, as well as an advisor seat for all hearings. Laird Destro ensures the world that Transcarpathia has nothing but benevolent intentions, and this is a rare extension of the olive branch from the weapons dealer and Laird of Transcarpathia. As Laird Destro was fielding questions in the scientific community about his device, he was unavailable for comment.

Dec 20 - Press Conference

<<This appears on many major news sources; this particular one is aired by CNN: A brief press conference from the offices of the MARS Corporate Headquarters in New York. >>

<Voice Over> "...press conference this evening by Laird James McCullen Destro's leading lady, Ms. Dahlia Cole."

<Dahlia is standing upon the typical raised dais, behind a podium fit with an intimidating array of microphones. Behind her is the requisite curtained wall, bearing the seals of MARS and Transcarpathia. The guard compliment is impressive, and security is everywhere. The platinum blonde, blue eyed, beautiful woman keeps a winning, white smile throughout the entire ordeal; she, dressed in a slinky blue off the shoulder, knee length designer minidress of some expensive fabric, tastefully accented with platinum jewelry, is the picture of quiet confidence. Amid the flicker of camera flashes, she fields questions.>

<Reporter> "What is the status of the Laird of Transcarpathia? Is it true that there was an assassination attempt?"

Dahlia directed that unnaturally blue gaze toward the gentleman asking, and offers with a smile, "Yes, there was an attempt on his life, but it was quite unsuccessful. I assure you that he is alive and well. He has survived far more creative attempts on his life - but as is protocol, he has temporarily returned to his manse at Castle Destro until more information about the would-be assassin is ascertained. Next question?"

<Reporter> Excuse me, Ms. Cole, but I can't help but notice. Is that an engagement ring on your finger?"

Dahlia's cheeks tinge a little pink, adding a splash of color to her pale mien as her attention draws toward the lady reporter asking. "Very observant. You're at the top of your organization's field, aren't you?"

<There's a small swell of laughter from the crowd, but the silence returns soon enough.>

Dahlia continues, "James and I were quietly engaged over Thanksgiving, and had planned to make the announcement on New Years Eve." She's temporarily bathed in the flicker of cameras, as she slips her left hand around in front of the podium so people could get a glimpse of the platinum set diamond engagement band that adorns her finger: it isn't as large as one would expect, but that is by design. There's another brief roll of congratulations from the press, which causes Dahlia to dip her head to graciously receive the blessings. "Thank you."

The same lady reporter adds with a laugh, "That actually wasn't my question."

Dahlia makes a little gesture, bidding the journalist to continue.

The media hound asks, "With your fiancé` under security lock down, will this have any impact on the plans to unveil the Weather Dominator at the upcoming Tech conference?"

Dahlia shakes her head delicately. "The demonstration of the Weather Dominator will go on as planned. Until the would-be assassin is caught and further threat to my fiancé's is assessed, it is not likely that James will be present. In such case, I will be the one to present and demonstrate the device."

<There's a brief round of applause from the audience.>

A third reporter asks, "A Device that can control the weather is pretty potent. Doesn't messing with Mother Nature seem like a generally bad idea?"

Dahlia turns her gaze toward the gentleman, smile ever present. "As with any technology, it isn't the device, it is how the device is used. James and his team of researchers spent years developing the device and projecting potential complications from its use. If properly applied, the Weather Dominator can help _restore_ the geothermal balances that mankind has so irresponsibly wrecked. I am not allowed to divulge its full scope of uses until the conference, but I expect to see you there, so you can see for yourself: The MARS Corporation as you've never seen it before." Dahlia looks to her watch, and then she smiles back to the crowd. "No more questions, please. Have a wonderful night."

<And the segment ends amid a swell of questions as Dahlia is escorted off of the dais and behind the curtain.>

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