Transformers Universe MUX
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Log Title: Flashback to 1991

Characters: Artemis, Cobra Commander, Dust Devil, General Hawk, Greenshirts, Interrogator, Lady Jaye, Roadblock, Shipwreck, SkyCreeper, Snake-Eyes, Techno-vipers, Vipers, Wisp, Zarana

Location: Mount Rushmore

Date: 1991.07.04; July 05, 2021

TP: Tall Tales TP

Summary: Shipwreck spins a yarn about a supposed Cobra attack on Independence Day.

As logged by 80s-Shipwreck - Monday, July 05, 2021, 4:18 PM

Mount Rushmore - 2021

Up in the Black Hills of South Dakota, tucked back into a natural setting lies the monument of Mount Rushmore, displaying the faces of George Washington, Teddy Rooseveldt, Abraham Lincoln, and the other guy.


Hector Delgado, drink in hand, approaches a 20-something blonde woman at the Red Garter Saloon, located at the base of Mount Rushmore. "Impressive, isn't it?" he says, glancing up towards the National Memorial, although you can't really see it from the bar. "The 'Shrine of Democracy,' they call it," he goes on, as the woman nods and says, 'Uh-huh' without looking up from her phone. "You know, we almost lost it, once, in 1991..." Delgado continues, leadingly.

"Did we?" the woman says without interest, still not looking up from her phone. However, this may have been a mistake, because that's all the opening Delgado needs to launch into his story. "It was the Fourth of July in 1991, and a few of us were talking some R&R at the Ellsworth Air Force Base - we'd just gotten back from Trucial Abysmia, and believe me, we needed the break! We were hoping for a quiet day off, but little did we know, not 40 minutes away at Mount Rushmore...."


Ellsworth Air Force Base: 1991. Shipwreck is in his Navy uniform, enjoying a hot dog while he waits for dusk and a fireworks display. With Joe artillery in charge of the show, he anticipates something good! He stuffs the rest of the dog into his mouth, careful not to get any toppings on his uniform. He then adjusts his "Dixie Cup" service hat and wanders over towards the others to see what kind of trouble he can cause while the day is still young.

Shipwreck

Shipwreck is a fit Hispanic sailor in a light blue Navy shirt and dark blue bellbottoms. His rank insignia indicates he's a Chief Petty Officer, but gives no indication of his name. He has a neatly trimmed black beard and a white "Dixie Cup" service hat. A black belt with a square gold belt buckle and black safety boots completes his uniform. He's armed with a silver percussion pistol and two silver boarding hooks.


And manning the grill (custom built out of two 55-gal oil barrel and parts picked up here and there from the motorpool, it's 12 feet of grillmaster delight), is Roadblock. Today's Apron has a graphic of a salad bowl with noodles in it, words reading 'Heeeeey macaroni!'. He's moving back and forth between the grils, watching the temperature, rolling sausage and dogs on the side-grate in a beer and spice bath. And he's humming happily to himself.


Lady Jaye is there, a shirt tied up underneath her chest, her stomach showing and carrying a series of long skewers to be put on the grill. Slung over her back are her ever-present javelins as Lady Jaye is whistling, "The fireworks are going to be amazing tonight. It'll be great to see them going off. Reminds us what we're here for."


General Hawk has dressed up for the occasion, and is wearing a complete Uncle Sam costume, complete with beard as he munches on a hot dog and and sips a cold beer. "They should be, hell they were expensive enough. Managed to hide some of the expense under 'miscellaneous ordinance' on the requisition forms." he says with a chuckle.


Dust Devil <retro 90s> is back to his silvery blue color that kinda blends depending on the surrounding colors. If it's dark he's pretty gray, if it's bright and sunny, it's when he really looks bluish. Otherwise he's usually covered in dust and dirt and it's hard to tell what color he really is. There is a mocking little dust devil icon on his chest grinning mischieviously on his chest.


Wisp glances up just a little bit when she hears that, but just smiles softly and says nothing, nodding, listening to the whole discussion curiously.


Snake-Eyes is here. Even though it is a special occasion, he's still in all black. Though, perhaps to show he's being festive, he's wearing a couple of red, white, and blue streamers around his neck. He's rocking his signature goggles to shield and protect his eyes. Which he may need since he's working at least one of the grills here on the base. Who knew Snake-Eyes could BBQ!


>***COOBRAAA!!!***<

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFqryP8E1BY

Its a beautiful Fourth of July for the United States. The winds are mild, the sun is shining, and temperatures are warm, but not scorching. Families of all sorts use the day to rededicate themselves to their vision of what this nation can be, should be, and must be. For some, it is a day of family, fun, and grilling out. Others herald it as a somber tribute to the nation’s slain warriors, ever vigilant against the forces of evil.

And then there’s one particular grinch who has his own vision of the day.

"PATHETIC FOOL!" Starscream roars in over a small table, while a gloved hand drives a Stratos racing car. It's Wheeljack! Two fingers guide the toy over the table, "Aww Jeez, I sure got stuck in it this time!" The jet, clearly being held in another hand veers to turn around for another pass. "YOU CANNOT ESCA" "Uh Sir?"

Cobra Commander stands up quickly, knocking over the table, "WHO DARES INTERRUPT MY CORO...ERM What is it? And haven’t you heard of knocking?!?" He fumbles to cover up his toys. "It's okay sir, I didn’t see you playing with your toys again. I just wanted to let you know that we’re here." The camera pans up to Cobra Commander, which is reflected off of his mask. He clenches a fist, "Then it is time..."

MINUTES LATER

Trouble Bubbles and Cobra vehicles descend upon Mount Rushmore. HISS tanks pull up atop the monument. Sludge-Vipers spring out of porta-potties at the scenic vista. Dozens of them! Others descend with FANG copters! And there he is. Sporting a tricorner hat, with a powered wig atop his gleaming mask, is Cobra Commander in a jetpack. "Cobra! It is time to celebrate OUR Independence Day! Begin fortifications immediately! Techno-Vipers! Begin work on the new faces!" He clasps his hands together malevolently as his jetpack begins to drift towards a FANG copter. There’s a scream of surprise as he gets a bit close to those blades, then shakes his fist at the copter pilot. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? CLEAR OUT OF MY AIRSPACE!"

This would be an adventure G.I. Joe would never forget, until next season at least.


Dust Devil isn't here. Nope...he's not spying on the humans. Nor is he trying to figure a way to get back at General Hawk for making him look worse in front of Spike, who he doesn't care what that little shrimp thinks. It's just the principal of the thing. That and....what are they doing? Perhaps it's some bizarre religious ritual. Ooh...wonder if they do sacrifices. So the Dust covered Dust Devil is trying trying to blend in and not call attention to himself.


Going to launch herself from one of the fliers bringing in reinforcement, Zarana is over on a motorcycle with a large jet engine attached to the top of it that has her dropping atop the head of Teddy Roosevelt and going to burn a wheelie atop it! She would rev the engine and be ready to race on down the side, "YEehaw! Haven't defaced a national landmark in -weeks-! This is going to be so much -fun-!"


Artemis is currently wearing the standard Range-Viper uniform, although it has been tailored to her size. Were her helmet not on, one might wonder who gave a teenager a costume to wear, as she looks very young, and her small stature lends credence to this illusion. A small squad of Range-Vipers, numbering 5, stands behind her, each of them easily a foot taller than she is. She is pateintly awaiting orders to.... Oh, there they are. She motions to the Range-Viper Squad, and calls out, "Let's get to the top of the monument, so we have the High Ground. Mount up on the Ferrets!" The six of them promptly head up the backside of the monument, to get into firing positions.


Skycreeper is perched high on Abraham Lincoln's head. His glider is folded behind him, ready to deploy and catch the wind at the first sign of trouble. This is Cobra's moment of triumph! And, more importantly, a big payday for Skycreeper if everything goes as planned. He tries to focus on Cobra Commander's plan, but even as he does so, visions of what he plans to spend his money on start dancing through his head...


Interrogator flinches under his helmet as CObra Commander yells, since he is the FANG pilot in question. He thinks, "I hope I don't get in trouble..."


>***YO JOE!***<

An alert sounds at the Ellsworth Air Force Base - trouble at nearby Mount Rushmore! COBRA trouble! "Well, doesn't that just chap my britches!" Shipwreck scowls. "Cobra? Now?" He draws his sidearm, checking its load, before jogging towards the nearest transport. "Hope those sausages are gonna keep!" Shipwreck yells to Roadblock. "I have a feeling I'm about to be working up a powerful hunger kickin' Cobra keister!"


General Hawk sets his drink aside and stands quickly. "Of all the damn days." he snarls. "Joes, get to any equipment you can, we've got to head out there and kick some Cobra ass. YO JOE!" he shouts, running towards a nearby parked fighter.


Despite the fact that the Cobra assault has already announced itself with everything short of jets flying in a giant Cobra banner to put over one of the faces, Lady Jaye goes, "Cobra! Oh no!" Going to ready several of her javelins, pausing to put the skewers in hand over towards a plate. Going to run towards another jet conveniently parked, scrambling up the side of it.


Wisp just blinks as she sees that, shaking her head and rushing for an unoccupied and unclaimed jet. "Just great..." She looks around and makes sure a colt commando is in her little cockpit area just in case, as well.


Snake-Eyes is gone. He probably disappeared at the first sound of the alarm. Somehow, though, all the burgers he just flipped have managed to land on the plate next to the grill he was working on. Can't have them burning up while he's off to do some action and adventure. Who knows what jet he's riding or flying in. It's hard to tell because he's so quiet and stealthy. For now, all that's left of Snake-Eyes at Ellsworth are his red, white, and blue streamers floating slowly to the ground. Wherever he is, Snake-Eyes raises his fist in silent solidarity: YO JOE!


90s-Roadblock looks up from popping the lid up on the su=ide that's a smoker, revealing caramalized briskets glistening through the smoke, "All he--no.." He looks at the premium beef, looks at the incoming, looks back at the beef and closes the lid. The firebox gets a kick to close it and he heads to grab the kit he left to the side away from the fires. "I'm gonna whoop some --- if my brisket gets burnt." He shrugs on his harness and grabs his guns. A swing by the snack table and he picks up a sausage roll. "Let's get this handled before I gotta turn th' hams."


Dust Devil is taken by surprise when there is suddenly stuff going on. He shrinks his head down a little, trying to not call attention to himself. But they aren't exactly on Cybertron where his unmoving frame might blend in. He can try to stay in the shadows of the trees and figure what is going on.


>***COOBRAAA!!!***<

90s-Cobra Commander alights atop the monument, there's already a table in front of him. "Now let me see....We'll spraypaint this one silver. That'll do for Destro, the lout. I guess we should have Anastasia on here too." He crumples up the paper mockingly holding it up to his face, "OOooOOOooH Eastern European lovebirds! Together they're overthrowing the world. Pah!" He spits, and pauses in his monologue. "How Provincial. Anyway. Let's see, The one guy..." He looks over at one of his Aide-De-Camps. "The one guy, you know him the one with the glasses. We'll reform him into the Baroness using our instant permament claysculpting. And for the last one..." Cobra Commander puts a finger to his mask and taps, thinking. Dr. Mindbender sort of looms behind him expectantly, and eventually Cobra Commander takes notice. The commander stiffens up and says brightly, warmly even "Oh of course! How silly of me to not even consider it." Dr. Mindbender seems both pleased and perhaps even flattered as the Commander speaks. "How could we ever do without...a second one of me! PUT UP A SECOND MASK!" Mindbender walks away, deflated.


Skycreeper watches the transformation of George Washington. Seeing Washington's face, however, just makes him think of dollar bills, and how many of them he's getting for this mission. He wonders - when Cobra takes over the world, will dollars have Cobra Commander's face on them instead? That might make it a little more awkward to tuck them into G-strings at the Jiggle Hut, but... Skycreeper shrugs. He'll make do.


A large silver mask starts to raise up around George Washington's face, as fabric goes to cover up Lincoln's face, cloaking him in the cobra blue...


Interrogator breathes a sigh of relief as he no longer has to worry about an airborne Cobra Commander. He watches the transformation of the monument and sees Dr. Mindbender's change of expression. "I wonder what happened there?"


Artemis and her squad reaches the top of Teddy's head, and spread out, to take up firing positions. I mean, it's not like she really needs to be there, there is no plot-armor strong enough to ensure a G.I. Joe strike team is close enough to repel Cobra this time, right? Of course, her heart will be crushed when the Joes come riding in to the blasted theme music! She glances at her 'crew' and mutters, "Notice how we always draw the boring work? Riding Ferrets up a mountain.... sitting here while the Techno-Vipers get all the credit for this mission?" She sighs, and just stares off in the distance... likely her and her team looking the wrong way to spot the incoming Joes, and the helmets just blocking out the sounds of approaching jets.


Going to race on down the side of Teddy Roosevelt, going to hit the ground Zarana is going to fire the rocket boosters on her rocket bike, going to zoom along to the point she has anime speed lines behind her, "Dreadknoks on me! Yo Ho Ho Hoe! Let's kill ourselves a GI JOE!" Then she goes to pick one of the Joes at random and goes towards ROADBLOCK. "Hey, time to drive you off the road!" They aren't on the road at the moment, but Zarana cares not for things like road signs, paths, and right of way!

"Meet my rigid grill structure! In your fACE!" Trying to run him over if she could over while cackling madly!


>***YO JOE!***<

General Hawk handles the stick of the fighter with an experienced hand, and he spots Cobra Commander setting up at the table on top of the mountain. "This party is over, Cobra, as of right now!" lining up for a precise flyover, literally mere feet from Cobra Commander's head, causing a serious wind gale to form in his wake, not to mention the jet wash.

>> General Hawk succeeds with his generic combat roll on 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


Flying up and over in one of the jets, Lady Jaye has the cockpit open wide! Going to take sight of the Cobra Viper and Sniper team she goes to keep the cockpit open, putting one foot over on the console to keep the jet steady, somehow managing to take the fighter steady like it was a VTOL. "Cobra! Giving you one chance to surrender to the stars and stripes!" Then she's going to take out one of her net-javelins, launching it through the air where it would burst out to launch nets at the sniper team and Artemis!

>> 90s-Lady Jaye fails her generic combat roll against Artemis. <<


Wisp swoops her jet in after Interrogator and his vehicle, lining him up once she sees him, switching to targeting and the gun. She peers into her screen a little, lining the shot up just perfect, then letting a burst off from the guns.

>> Wisp succeeds with her generic combat roll on Interrogator. <<

>> 90s-Zarana succeeds with her generic combat roll on 90s-Roadblock. <<


90s-Roadblock is air dropped in and lands, tuck rolling and starting to make his run.

And then... There's a car that sideswipes him, sending him reeling ass over teakettle. A grunt, a shake of his head, and up comes the guns, one in each hand. On a knee, he targets and fires at Zarana, "You're messin' with th' wrong Joe, pinky! An' youre messin with my BBQ!!!"

>> 90s-Roadblock succeeds with his generic combat roll on 90s-Zarana. <<


Shipwreck rapidly approaches the National Memorial, riding on top of a G.I. Joe Attack Cruiser. He spies Zarana's insane arrival, and calls out, "We have incoming Dreadnoks!" Scanning the monument, he shakes his head at the additions made, and the squad of Vipers barely visible on the top of Roosevelt's head. "Range-Vipers, too." Spotting Lady Jaye making them her priority, he targets the Techno-Vipers altering the memorial's figures.

"Get me up there. I'm gonna try somethin' crazy." Shipwreck climbs on top of the Attack Cruiser's flying glider bomb and aims it towards the top of the domed helmet being lowered onto Washington's head. Gripping a boarding hook in each hand, he yells, "Launch!" The Attack Cruiser fires the glider bomb, and Shipwreck rides it up, whooping loudly, racing towards the Techno-Vipers above. "Who says only Polly can fly?"

>> 90s-Shipwreck succeeds with its generic combat roll on 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


Snake-Eyes is just chilling on top of Rushmore stalking GOONS.


Dust Devil makes a face. His vantage point meant that he had a decent view of the goings on, using what trees he can, he tries to get closer to the human face shrine. It looks like the ones wearing blue are trying to do something to it, while the ones making the burnt sacrifices are suddenly upset at the new look to their deities. Glancing up at the hood coming down over one of the faces, He raises his hands and tries to make a forcefield to block the attempt, just to see what happens. Unfortunately, the result is alot less than he'd like. It's just too far for him to project a forcefield big enough to block the hood. Instead the hood just sort of billows around his forcefield causing it to look like the new Cobra Commander visage is now sporting a rather impressive nose.


>***COOBRAAA!!!***<

90s-Cobra Commander is blown back by the sheer wind of Hawk's X-30 Conquest, and tumbles off of his feet. Papers go flying. The pitcher of Ecto Cooler tumbles over as well, and a comically large brick of a phone catches him in the mask as he regains himself. "WELL WELL...G.I. JOE...." He braces against the wind, and bellows over open comms. "How good of you all to come to Mount Rushmore...and pay your respects to...THE FOUNDING VIPERS OF THE UNITED SNAKES OF AMERICA! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAAHAHAHAAAAH!" He fumbles for a weapon that can repel the mighty cool X-30, and mistakes one of the fireworks mortars already in place here for an anti-aircraft gun. He raises the weapon and fires at Hawk. " But I am afraid its time for you to leave this place....LITERALLY!"

Meanwhile the Techno-vipers, not exactly armed to the teeth, er fang, fire a series of shots at Shipwreck, putting holes in the glider, some even deflecting off of the sheer manliness of the navyman!


And cue the Music! Duh duh dun da duh! (For those of you not familiar with the meaning of that, listen to the opening credits of the GI Joe cartoon!) The incoming net-javelin somehow misses Artemis, and her crew of Range-Vipers, and Artemis notices both the music, and the Joes... especially the one throwing something stick-like at them. "What in the actual...." She pauses, bringing up her long range.... PAINTBall gun?? Oh crap.... She shrugs, and fires on Lady Jaye, cause it is not like she has anything better to shoot at the crazy, foot-flying-a-jet woman. A Long stream of pink and purple paintballs fly towards LJ....

>> Artemis fails her generic combat roll against 90s-Lady Jaye. <<


Cackling and calling out, 90s-Zarana would call at Roadblock, "The only thing that's gong to be burnt tonight is YOU! Because all that food is going to be for Cobra-D'Ouvres! Or left COLD!" Of course this is time where those guns fire, hitting Zarana and sending her flying off her bike as it would spontaneously explode, somehow having her land on her feet! "So you want to play it that way, huh!?" Her going to then pull out a large blade in her hand. "Time to make you a Joe-Kabob!" Going to charge in with a knife against a Joe armed with two large guns, she tries to throw the knife blade into the barrel of one of them!

>> 90s-Zarana succeeds with her generic combat roll on 90s-Roadblock. <<


As soon as the Joes make their appearance, Skycreeper stands. The Joes may have jets and heavy equipment, but Skycreeper has a GLIDER. Skycreeper carefully unfolds it, and extends the frames, catching the wind. He then checks the load of his rifle, nodding to himself that all is in readiness. He adjusts his safety straps, and then LEAPS off the top of Lincoln's now-cloaked head. "COBRAAA!" he shouts into the wind, descending towards the incoming Joes, opening fire on incoming Greenshirts below.

>> SkyCreeper succeeds with his generic combat roll on General Hawk. <<


Wisp has hit the main rotor and Interrogator loses control of the FANG. He aims for the top of the monument and as he crashes, the FANG's rotar comes to rest inches from Cobra Commander's head. Not knowing how close he has come to decapitating his Fearless Leader, he says, "Any landing you can walk away from is a good one!"


>***YO JOE!***<

Shipwreck ducks below the incoming fire, balancing carefully on the glider bomb as it rockets towards the giant Cobra Commander mask sliding down over Washington's face. At just the right moment, he LEAPS off the bomb, catching his hooks on the top of the helmet at the bomb itself slams into the equipment lowering the mask, stopping it in its tracks. Shipwreck hauls himself over the top of the mask, dropping in amongst the Techno-Vipers.

"Hello, boys," Shipwreck says with a sneer. "Greetings from the US Navy." He flings one rope-hook at the nearest Viper, trying to use it to pull and send him sailing over the edge of the helmet and to the drop 5,725 feet below. He then calmly draws his pistol and fires it at the next-closest Viper.

>> 90s-Shipwreck succeeds with its generic combat roll on 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


Going to fully jump out of the cockpit of her jet, even as those piantballs fired by Artemis would hit it and send it careening down over towards the ground to explode with sheens of pink on it. "NEver bring a gun to a javelin fight!" She's going to bring up said javelin, and goes to load it up and over with among the more dastardly of it's armaments.. Going to pop it in to fire it over at Artemis as she would fire the BOXING GLOVE JAVELIN at her sniper adversary atop the head!

>> 90s-Lady Jaye succeeds with her generic combat roll on Artemis. <<


General Hawk jinks around, taking a few hits here and there as he banks around as he's not finished with Cobra Commander yet. As he gets closer, he pulls from his pocket an M320 firecracker ("Celebrate the independence of your country by blowing up a small piece of it!". Lighting it, he opens the cockpit just enough to hurl it at Cobra Commander as he flies by yet again within mere feet. "Happy 4th, Cobra, YO JOE!"


>> General Hawk succeeds with his generic combat roll on 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


The closer Snake-Eyes gets to the mountain, the better. While those shuriken were just meant to keep some of those goons at bay, it's the grappling hook that spring forth from the pack on his back that lodges into the mountainside, allowing Snake-Eyes the momentum and awesomeness needed as he swings in the direction of those COBRA goons... with both of his swords out. From Kung-Fu Grip to Swing-Fu Slice!

>> 90s-Snake-Eyes fails his generic combat roll against 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


90s-Roadblock finds one of his guns jammed in the worst way possible as the bore is split, the bullet that was exploding out, exploding about instead. He gives a shake of his head, "Id ya wanted an invite t' dinner, this ain't the way to go about it. Arr.. ess.." he shifts grip on the broken rifle and swings like he's in baseball, "Vee Pee next time!"

>> 90s-Roadblock fails his generic combat roll against 90s-Zarana. <<


Wisp adjusts after taking out the little hellicopter, trying to see if she can't strafe some of the grunts doing the work, to disrupt the 'recarving' if she can, adjusting angle if approach so she can fire the cannon across a place too close, and not scrape the monument with it.

>> Wisp succeeds with her generic combat roll on 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


Dust Devil struggles to make the forcefield bigger...or at least lift it so he can remove the face shroud from the face on the mountain. Nope...apparently Cobra commander's mountain face has an itch on his large nose wriggling back and forth. Dust Devil glowers at what is clearly a mock at his forcefield ability.


>***COOBRAAA!!!***<

A bomb goes off, wait, did Shipwreck really ride a bomb? That's crazy. Anyway, the metal facemask that was being applied to Washington gets caught up in an explosion that sends it off of its mounting and down into the foothills of the mountain, leaving the pristine face unharmed...aside from a....a forcefield shaped nose? Maybe that protected the sculpture from getting harmed. Huh. Shipwreck sends a technoviper over the side, eliciting a Wilhelm scream from the Viper as he falls in slow motion.

Snake Eyes lands among a group of cobra Vipers, no fancy title to them, they're just Vipers. They look at each other, pause, then just put up their hands. "Hey! Hold on now! I give. Nobody said anything about uzi-using ninjas. That was NOT part of my contract."


Meanwhile Cobra Commander unloads a dozen fireworks at Hawk at close range, to little avail. A FANG helicopter crashes within mere feet of him, causing him to duck. The copter blades actually sever part of the curly white wig atop his head, giving him a lopsided look. The firework tossed causes Cobra Commander to recoil, "HEY! Practice proper fireworks safety!....is what I'd say if I didn't CARRY MAGNETIC MINES ON ME!" Cobra Commander throws a handful of mines to attach to Hawk's X-30, and immediately start beeping! He takes a moment to administer orders, << VIPERS! Hurry with the instant statue remolding clay! We haven't time to lose! >>

A response comes << Can't talk. Bleeding out! >> as Wisp fires upon the workers. Cobra Commander shakes his giant brick phone, << That's no excuse! What about my fleeting moral victory?!?! >>

>> 90s-Cobra Commander succeeds with his generic combat roll on General Hawk. <<


Too bad for the little Range-Viper that the second stick seems to grow a larger head, one that looks like a boxing glove. It strikes her right between the eyes, and she falls down, landing on her rear, as her paintball rifle drops to the ground nearby. Thus disarmed, she has little choice but to bring out a back-up weapon.... a replica of original Cobra Commander laser pistol (Or so the strange merchant in Bahgdad told her), the one tha looks like a Hair-Dryer.... is that what it is?? She pulls the trigger, and learns not to trust a poorly dressed merchant in a run down bazzaar corner, because instead of a laser heading towards LJ, all she succeds in sending towards Lady Jaye is a blast of hot air!?!? Maybe she wanted to give Lady Jaye that salon-fresh look.

>> Artemis succeeds with her generic combat roll on 90s-Lady Jaye. <<


There's a swing over of the broken rifle by Roadblock, to which Zarana goes to deflect it iwth the first weapon she has at hand! Namely a loaded RPG. The barrel is swung up, somehow not having a grenade loaded, and she goes to parry it, taunting, "Come on, let's see how well you BOOM when I'm done with you!" Going to try and swing the RPG around like a baton, intent on giving the Joe a bruising beating!

>> 90s-Zarana succeeds with her generic combat roll on 90s-Roadblock. <<


Greenshirts scatter at Skycreeper targets them from above! But then Skycreeper sees Snake-Eyes swing by using his Awesome Grappling Hook! The Cobra air commando spies the G.I. Joe ground commando and has to make a choice. On the one hand, Snake-Eyes is scary, even with his 90s red goggles and silver mask. On the other hand, the bonus Skycreeper would get for bringing in such a well-known target... Greed overcomes cowardice, and Skycreeper banks his glider around, diverting from the Greenshirts for a more high-value target. "Cobra!" he yells, firing his rifle at Snake-Eyes!

>> SkyCreeper fails his generic combat roll against 90s-Snake-Eyes. <<


Interrogator seems lost without a helicopter, and readies his assault rifle. Upon hearing Cobra Commander yelling, he rushes to him, flinching as he realizes what he almost did.


>***YO JOE!***<

Going to get in a pose off over with Artemis, as boxing glove javelin is exchanged over in fire as she's sent flying back over and away from the side of the face, tumbling over only one hand managing to catch herself over, desperately holding on the edge, "Oh no!" There's no Flint to save her! Holding on, seeing that Artemis towering above her, and noting..

"You really do -not- look menacing at that size. Can you take a few steps back and lean over? Then hold the gun out to the side. It fits the pose a lot better. Or you just look like one of the kids from the Goonies doing dressup."


General Hawk hears the clunk of the mines hitting against his plane, and the soft beeps are not a good sign. Frowning, he thinks fast, bringing the plane around to line up with Cobra Commander. This time he is coming in low... VERY low... and with a flick of a switch, the carrier landing hook comes down and clicks into place. "Why don't you come aboard, and share in the fun, eh Cobra Commander?" he shouts, closing in...

>> General Hawk succeeds with his generic combat roll on 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


Shipwreck makes short work of the Techno-Vipers at the face of Washington and pauses to watch the giant mirror mask crash thousands of feet below. He then turns and spies the Vipers suspended in front of Jefferson, steadily working to paint him silver while the rest of the Cobras fight Joes. "While I have to admire your dedication," Shipwreck sneers. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to interrupt your workflow." Attacking one boarding line to Washington in case he misses, Shipwreck yells, "Avast!" and leaps down at the spray-painting Vipers below.

>> 90s-Shipwreck succeeds with its generic combat roll on 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


90s-Roadblock's rifle-bat -THWONKS- into Zarana's RPG, the vibrations enough that he drops the no longer working gun. That RPG smacks solidly into his chest and there's a grunt, a wrinkle of brows and he is rocked back on his heels. "Lil lady. This isn't gonna end well." he stops, drops, rolls, and kicks out at her knees. "I left th' boom-sauce at home, honey. If y' wanna taste that, gonna need t' ask me out on a date first!" Yeah, no Roadblock, just no.


Snake-Eyes may have pulled out a whole pile of handcuffs from somewhere and that pile is now in front of the Vipers. Since they are giving up, they might as well handcuff themselves. Especially because his NINJA SENSES ARE TINGLING. Snake-Eyes whirls around to spot SKYCREEPER and the incoming pew-pews. NINJA FLIP! And Snake-Eyes does like a ninja-cartwheel out of the way. If some Vipers get pew-pew'd instead? Bonus.

Don't ask how his backpack got reloaded. It does that when he's not on screen, okay? But either way, Snake-Eyes fires off that grappling hook (again), this time aiming for SKYCREEPER. Either SKYCREEPER's coming down or Snake-Eyes is going up!

>> 90s-Snake-Eyes fails his generic combat roll against SkyCreeper. <<

>> 90s-Roadblock succeeds with his generic combat roll on 90s-Zarana. <<


Wisp rolls the plane over and strats doing another strafing pass, going after some of the Vipers trying to guard the workers, intending to give a more clear way for Shipwreck and whoever else to engage the workers now.

>> Wisp succeeds with her generic combat roll on 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


>***COOBRAAA!!!***<

One of the Vipers that Shipwreck is interfering with, points at him accusatory, "THAT is an OSHA violation! You are going to be written up!" Another adds, "He doesn't even have a hardhat." That was before Shipwreck Yarrrr'd his way over onto them knocking another one to offscreen certain death. The others, with no real weapons on them, start dumping paint on him.

As Snake Eyes turns his back to deal with Skycreeper, when he looks back, the Vipers have vanished. Might've been good potential students.

The Vipers that were building a giant wig for the Baroness over Teddy Rooseveldt's face, were still adding hairspray to the wig. The giant container goes up, sending a large enough explosion to send the rest of the ones on that head off into the treeline.

MEANWHILE, Cobra Commander gets hooked on Hawk's X-30 by the scruff of his collar. He struggles with the situation, his authentic Revolutionary War coat caught good. "Of course I HAD to get the high quality coat!" As the jet picks up well out of Interrogator's reach, He bellows, "Don't just stand there! DO SOMETHING!"


Ther'es a whunk over from Roadblock as Zarana is hit over at the knee, going don and rapidly flailing over to try and get back up. As he makes his comment, Zarana looks starstruck, "Works for me. Please and time?"

       ~Annndddd ayyy-ayyyeee shalll allwayyys loovvveee youuuu~

Going to snag an arm if possible around his neck while making Dreadknock-puppy-stab eyes at him!


Artemis suddenly, unable to stop herself, takes a few steps back, and leans over a little. She holds the laser *coughcough* hairdryer *cough cough*pistol out to the side, seemingly, having thought Lady Jaye's pose idea sounded cool. She calls out, "HEY! Goonies never say die!", because of the Goonies comment.

Of course, now that Artemis has Lady Jaye right where she wants her, Artemis is unsure what to do. She could pulls the trigger again, but what's the point, Jaye's hair already looks amazing now. Maybe her other pistol isn't a water gun, and is the real deal now. So, while still maintaining her 'pose', she pulls the other pistol and points it at Lady Jaye, "Say Hi to one-eyed Willie, won't ya?" Not firing yet, because the good guys always get a chance to save themselves, right? Especially in tall tales told by a drunken sailor.


Skycreeper janks the control of his glider, and just misses being skewered by Snake-Eyes's awesome grappling hook! (Buy the toy, kids!) However, his glider isn't so lucky, as the hook tears through the thin material, ensnaring it. Skycreeper hits the emergency release and drops in front of Snake-Eyes. He rolls off his momentum and pops up right in front of the commando, attempting to slam the butt of his rifle into the ninja's mask while Snake-Eyes is entangled with the glider.

>> SkyCreeper succeeds with his generic combat roll on 90s-Snake-Eyes. <<


Interrogator runs after Hawk's jet that has Cobra Commander snagged, and fires a burst. He trips, and the burst almost hits Cobra Commander in the crotch!


>***YO JOE!***<

General Hawk pulls up to get a bit of altitude before opening the cockit. "Well, it's been a LOT of fun, Chromedome, but this is my stop. Enjoy your trip! YO JOE!" he shouts as he pulls the eject cord and flies out of the jet. "Been nice to see ya, wouldn't want to be ya!" he shouts as the plane continues on.


With Artemis posed up above her, Lady Jaye goes to take her hand over to her face, and goes to reach underneath it around her neck.. Then goes to yank up and pull off a latex mask of Lady Jaye's face, revealing that of THE BARONESS beneath! Glasses and everything glaring up and over at Artemis, "Yew are messing up zee plan! Let me up immediatel or I shall feed yew tew zee snakes veef lasrs on zheir heads!" Holding her hand out threateningl holding the Lady Jaye mask in her off-hand while waiting to be pulled up!


Shipwreck gahs as his Navy uniform is painted silver, from service hat to boots. He glances up as Cobra Commander is yeeted away, and says, "Are you sure you want to stick around?" Setting his boarding hooks to keep him steady, he slowly draws his sidearm and waves it at the unarmed Vipers. "Now how about we just cut to the part where you surrender and prepare yourselves for a nice cozy cell?"


Snake-Eyes catches a rifle butt to the mask and the the right goggle shatters! In that same slow-motion-shattering Snake-Eyes disengages from the grapple-pack to let that and the glider fall off the mountain in a dramatic fashion. Snake-Eyes, now with one angry eye showing, brings both of his swords to the front and goes into NINJA CHOP mode to try and slice (and dice) that rifle to pieces!

>> 90s-Snake-Eyes fails his generic combat roll against SkyCreeper. <<


90s-Roadblock huhs and wide-eyes at the arm. This.. is a trap. This is not a drill, this is a trap. He pushes to his feet, one arm supporting Zarana for just long enough for him to get the other up and. "My momma'd love t' have you visit. You good at milking cows? Any daughter-in-law of hers needs t' be able to put a full day in on th' farm. Can you cook?" Big shine of a smile and he pushes the limpet off. "Can you sew? Spin? clean a deer? Know any good hymns?"


Wisp does a very short plane landing, barely avoidsing mountains on all sides, before popping the canopy with her little popgun (colt commando) and trying to continue some of the cleanup of random vipers.

>> Wisp succeeds with her generic combat roll on 90s-Cobra Commander. <<


>***COOBRAAA!!!***<

The area is peppered with more gunfire from Wisp who seems to have taken the competition for 'highest bodycount' personally. One of the Vipers admits to Shipwreck, "It's kinda hard to surrender when you all keep gunning us down." A few others agree. One of them gets shot moments afterwards. "See?"

Cobra Commander struggles against the tailhook he's caught on, He actually lifts his legs up to avoid taking a round to the viper's nest from Interrogator, as Hawk takes the jet up to the sky, those mines beep faster and faster as he struggles. Then at the last moment, he breaks free of the jacket, and plummets down into the tree line before the jet explodes!

Cobra Commander, all worn out, dirty and looking stupid with his half a wig emerges onto a hill. He rasps a breath, "It's....it's not over yet." He pants again taking a breath.

"OH BUT I THINK IT IS!" Cobra Commander turns his head, and recoils, " Not YOU again!" The figure is left off camera, but a gloved white hand slams into Cobra Commander, sending him reeling, then a big leather boot with red legging slams down onto his stomach, causing him to retch. The hits keep coming, Cobra Commander gets picked up by his uniform, and hit repeatedly in the mush by that big fist. Finally, as Cobra Commander sags in defeat, he's dropped to the ground. The mystery figure steps back. "That's for that mess you made at the North Pole the other year. NO HO HO treats for you!"

Cobra Commander writhes in pain, then delivers one of his most famous lines, << Aaahhkkkkk C---Cobra retreat! >>


Skycreeper sees the swords come out, and, more importantly, the man who signs his paychecks disappearing rapidly in the distance. When Snake-Eyes strikes, Skycreeper is happy it's his rifle and not his head that's bisected. Spinning around, he takes a few quick steps and JUMPS to his... death? No, his backpack conceals a second, smaller backup glider, which opens just in time for Skycreeper to make his escape.


It is of course a trick over as zarana would huff, "Why cook when you can flamethrower!" But as Cobra Commander goes to move to end the scene in one fleeing finale, Zarana goes to drop that most dreaded of things, "LOOK! OVER THERE!" then giong to yank out from nowhere a large thick fabric tablecloth to try and flip it over Roadblock's head.

IT'S A TARP!

Then going to try and leap over to a nearby motorcycle conveniently offered up by another of those ever useful NPC's, she's going to rocket-bike it out of there!


Interrogator signals a FANG to lower and hops in. "CObra Commander is going to KILL me!"


Suddenly the diminutive Range-Viper, appearing confused drops to her knee, reaching for "the Baroness', a.k.a., Lady Jaye, "Of course, Mistress Baroness!" Of course, she hears the retreat order over the radio, but should she not try to make sure The Baroness gets to safety as well, "The Commander ordered a retreat, I'll havea F.A.N.G. here momentarily to get us out" She calls for evac on the radio.... and not the medic!


Back in 2021, Hector Delgado smiles to the bored woman as he wraps up his story. "So, that's how we saved Mount Rushmore," he explains. "We even used this programmable clay Cobra Commander had installed to briefly make the faces look like Flagg, Hawk, Flint, and Duke, but then we cleaned it up and --- Hey, where are you going? Aren't you going to let me buy you a drink?"

The patron stands and holds out her hand. "Just give me the drink money, and you can go."

Delgado sighs and hands her a ten, before slinking off back to the bar. He stares into the mirror at his haggard face and salt-and-pepper beard. "Yo, Joe," he says quietly, and finishes his drink alone.

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