Transformers Universe MUX
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Characters: Cobra Commander, Bloody Bones, Crimson Guard 820, Alley-Viper 2858, Barghest, Typhoid, Destro, Xamot and Tomax

Cobra Commander

Location: Eastern United States - The White House

Date: 2/18/2019

TP: America Burning TP

Summary: Cobra Commander yells at people! There's shooting, and noone knows what the hell Destro is saying.

As logged by Bossmek/Barghest

White House

    The situation room, one of the most secure locations in the continental US. Anyone and everyone that is able has been called in. The Dreadnoks, The Baroness, even Mindbender, Croc Master and Crystal Ball of all people have been dug out to be present. The Commander is standing at the head of the table, hood on, cane tucked under one arm, glaring at those assembled once everything quiets down.     "What is happening, my loyal servants?" The high growling voice a hissing whisper that carries from wall to wall. "What is happening with my Cobra America, hmmmm?" He looks from face to face, shifting to hold his cane between his hands before slamming it down with enough violence to make water glasses and tablets shaking almost halfway across.     "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY COBRA AMERICA!?" despite the screech of his anger, The Commander's breathing remains even, but a room that is cold by design suddenly begins to feel absolutely frigid. "Someone tell me... Quickly."

Alley-Viper 2858 instantly raises a hand, a finger extended to answer the situation, one of the other Alley Vipers next to him quickly and heroically grabs his hand and pulls it back down before someone draws too much attention to the Vipers that all look alike.

Crimson Guard 820 stands easily behind the Twins, entirely comfortable with the fact that she's mostly anonymous and also her paycheck is signed off by somebody other than the Commander. That gives her plenty of mental room to keep an eye on the other people in the room to see if there's going to be a stabbing or other entertainment today.

Bloody Bones stands near the back of the room, dressed in his typical off duty attire as he felt it didn't do to attract too much attention with having a bloody skulled pirate lurking around D. C. at least for the time being. He says in a quiet Midwestern drawl, "Seems to me like the Joes are a bit more organized than we give them credit for. And mayhap the citizenry is not as... enamored with your vision, Commander."

Tomax and Xamot seem non-plussed by the Commander's outburst; almost as if they've seen it countless times in the past. Allowing the tirade to wash over them, leaving them untouched. "Your finances and their distribution is," Tomax begins. "Running smoothly, Commander," Xamot finishes and then continues. "We have seen to it that the programs you picked as essential have been getting the support they require from our division. Our legal teams have dealt with the issues that arose with any operatives that arose from the attempted expansion of your holdings to the south." "Which leads to the theory that it may be the personnel seeing to the disposition of your resources further downstream," Tomax adds. "That is the source of your problems," they both conclude.

Remaining at his own position, hands folded behind his back, and managing to keep still when the Commander slams his cane down Barghest is glad for the helmet hiding his features as the Alley-Viper raises his hand, sighing inwardly because he's technically the guy in charge of that mook. When Bones speaks, he blinks, looking with his eyes. Don't move... His vision is based on movement right?

Alley-Viper 2858 looks over at Bloody Bones, curiosity apparent on his face. He spends a few moments checking his pockets discretely after the Viper next to him lets him out of the warning armbar.

"Not so... enamoured?" The Commander half-whispers, voice silken again once the Twins have spoken their piece. He stares at the pirate, gripping his cane across his abdomen. "Not so... Enamoured." he heaves a theatrical sigh and looks to the raised hand. "Speak your mind, Viper..." A trap? His voice isn't raised, but he is suddenly very, very, still compared to moments ago.

Alley-Viper 2858 looks over at the Viper next to him, and starts to point to this average joe...er not joe that is Bloody Bones' alter ego. One of the other Vipers motions that he should look forward to the Commander himself. "Huh?" He looks back to the other, needing a bit more encouragement, "Oh, the plan. Well, I mean yeah. Pfft, the BAT offensive has been working out even better than the Tet offensive, though with less of those delicious ambushes, but I mean, they're robots, Come on!" He practically laughs, "This planet's been under siege by giant killer robots since the eighties, and we've got robots goose stepping down the streets, they're not going to relate to that! I mean, who thought that w.." He gets slapped in the back of the head by 2855 who is desperately trying to avoid being shot. 2858 continues, "I mean, Viper recruitment is down, but there's the heart and scales of Cobra right there, The civilian populace is just flashbacking to one of the literal dozens of times that the Decepticons have just done us dirty, when they need to see the human element. Drones only go so far on the battlefield. Great for aceing shitbag fascists, not so good at giving the right appearance at the homefront. There's your problem." The three other Vipers take the cue to hit the ground or otherwise get out of the line of fire.


Crimson Guard 820 has seen her share of these meetings in her time bodyguarding the Twins. At least this time Zartan is keeping his head down. Really down. Is he dressed up as a viper again?


Tomax and Xamot regard the Viper and his companions, wondering if perhaps he wants a larger entrenching tool.


Barghest waits for a moment, brows knitting together inside his helmet, already using palm keyboards to begin writing the letter to 2858's family... just in case. He notes the viper's vitals before signaling for a medic. Barghest looks to the twins, and Bones, finally venturing. "Sir, we hadn't any idea the Joes didn't have that sort of vehicle in their arsenal, we've never seen the like of it before."

     Dr. Typhoid limps into the room, leaning heavily on her cane. Her face is hidden by her black gas mask, and her white lab coat is splashed with something that looks disturbingly like blood. She nods her apologies for being late to the meeting, noting the chilliness in the air. She makes her way sloooowly towards the back of the room, her awkward gait simply prolonging the spectacle. She perches awkwardly on a chair at the other end of the table and focuses her attention on Cobra Commander, remaining silent for now.

    "The B.A.T.s. My... B.A.T.s they are the problem - on the streets they protect, guarding the criminals that I have cleaned from the streets, assuring the safety of the children on... my... streets." Cobra Commander's eyes slip to Barghest next and he continues to stare at the man as he states, "Tomax, Xamot - explain to me how what we pay Zartan and his nitwits is serving us? How is the Baroness's expense account benefiting Cobra America? We pay them to learn about these things don't we? You monitor how much they use to acquire this information... DON'T YOU!?" He stamps a foot and swings an arm hard, throwing his cane in a savage arc directly into the face of Barghest's helmet.     "INEXCUSABLE, INCOMPETENT, DRIVLING EXCUSES!? WHY WERE YOU PROMOTED YOU BACK ALLEY LONDON LAMEBRAIN!?" The Commander's fists clench at his sides and the hem of his hood flutters like a slow flag with his heavy breathes. "HANDLE THE SITUATION, DO NOT GIVE ME EXCUSES!" he rounds on the Crimson Guard with the twins, "GUARD! SHOOT THAT VIPER! IN THE LEG! I WANT HIM TO REMEMBER WHO IS IN CHARGE!" Being old, slow and sneaky is no means to hide from the man now. "TYPHOID! I want more Z-Vipers! I want them faster! I want them more capable!" the Dreadnoks and Baroness all stand from their seats, shouting in complaint at the next, "Submit your funding requests! We will take what is needed from these pin-heads accounts!!"

Crimson Guard 820 spares the briefest of glances, hidden behind her mask, at the Twins just in case there's a countermand, but she isn't really expecting them to override the Commander here. She steps out from behind them and draws her pistol, aiming for the Alley-Viper's calf. Painful, but not likely to kill him or require reconstructive surgery. No point in wasting the resources. She fires one bullet.

The twins only response to the Commander's order is a raise of the right, or left, eyebrow, as appropriate, as they spare a glance for the Viper.

Alley-Viper 2858 raises a hand, "In my defense..." BLAM! He falls to the ground, "AGGH! Son of a bitch!" He clutches at the wound, grimacing beneath his mask, "God dammit!"

One of the other Vipers looks at the other, "So uh...to Medical then?" The first hesitates, " Yeah....in a minute."

Bloody Bones shakes his head slowly as he watches the goings on around him. He takes note of all the infighting and bickering, filing it away in his mind under things to watch out for while back working for Cobra.


Taking the cane to the face, Barghest goes back, surprised by the action and his chair tips, sending him clattering to the floor with one leg in the air with an intelligent sounding "OI!" coming through his helmet speakers as he goes.

    Dr. Typhoid flinches at the bullet, not used to being this close to actual violence - she prefers to do her worst from a comfortable distance. "S-sir," she hisses through her gas mask. "My Z-Viper are doing well in field, but I need more resource." There is a pause, and then she continues in a barely-audible voice, "I'd like to request use of troop to acquire more scientist - by force, if necessary. I can compile a list of who is needed..."

Bloody Bones looks around the room once more and speaks up, though this time without his disguised voice. "Commander, I would like to formally make an offer. I would like various... specialists... for provisional membership in my crew. There would be training for being part of a pirate crew."

Leaning onto the table, glaring at all assembled, Cobra Commander snarls out "Captain Bones, I may allow such an option. G.I. Joe controls half of the Eastern Seaboard. File your personnel requests with the Twins, I want them to move the money needed. I want a solution from you in Forty Eight Hours. I want to know how you are going to reduce their effectiveness? I want to know how you are going to orchestrate a naval victory. I want to know how you're going to crush G.I. Joe and make those waters... mine." The Commander stands upright at Typhoid's words and points to her. "See! Vision! I ask for vision and she provides it!" The commander moves as if to swing his cane again, stopping up short "SOMEONE GET ME MY CANE!" he stares around the room, "WHERE IS OVER KILL!?"

     The door to the situation room slams open, and Destro barges into the room, slamming aside several Crimson Guard Immortals in the process. Somehow Destro looks even more massive and threatening than before Cobra Commander had him killed (he apparently got better). "Enow!" he roars, stomping right up to Cobra Commander and getting into the leader's face. "Yoo'll nae be dockin' th' expense accoonts ay th' Baroness ur myself if ye wish tae continue gettin' th' best in intelligence an' weaponry. Am Ah clear?" be bellows.

Alley-Viper 2858 is bleeding from the calf on the ground, no doubt he's stepped over as things heat up. "'M fine...fine, I'll just...' He holds out a hand to one of the others, " just uh..." The other Viper reaches out, a bit hesitantly helps the downed Alley Viper up. " Yeah...well, you're not dismissed" His words are quiet, "So suck it up, Buttercup."

Grumblingly getting back up and shaking his head to clear it, Barghest looms to his feet with the cane in hand, slamming it longways into the stomach of the nearest, uninjured, viper. "Bring 'em 'is cane!"

Xamot turns his attention to Bloody Bones as Cobra Commander addresses the 'privateer'. He smiles, an expression that would not be out of place on a shark, "We look forward to seeing your proposal and personnel requests."

Tomax on the other hand is looking at Typhoid, at least until his CO has finished his (overly dramatic) reaction. He then turns toward the hooded figure at the head of the table; pausing just long enough to let Destro have his moment in the spotlight. "Lay on, MacDuff."


Crimson Guard 820 has too much experience to flinch at Destro's sudden arrival. Instead, she keeps her pistol pointed at the ground, standing ready to deploy it again if necessary. She takes a moment to invisibly assess Bones. Odds are, she's going to be going over his financial paperwork soon.

     Typhoid has just a moment to sit up a little straighter at Cobra Commander's praise before Destro barges into the room making quite a lot of noise from someone who used to be Cobra's voice of reason. Activating her intermask mike, she radios, "Scalpel. Prepare infirmary." Otherwise, however, she leaves the Alley-Viper to his fate, and quiets down again. Cobra Commander approved of her request. She'll follow up with Tomax later.

<Cobra (IC)> R&D CO Typhoid says, "Scalpel. Prepare infirmary."

Bloody Bones notices all the attention heading his way so he decides to give people something to stare at. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his mask. He slips it on and grins broadly. "I will endeavor to do the best I can, Commander." He turns that horrific gaze on everyone around him. "And let it be known that I WILL be overseeing the training myself. And anyone who joining, the training WILL be brutal."

Affronted! He dares? He absolutely -dares-?! Inconceivable! Inexcusable! The raw NERVE! Cobra Commander stands, still once again, his voice hissingly conversational, "Forty eight hours Bones, do not disappoint me." He then finally allows the metal-headed maestro the honor of being acknowledged. "Destro. Finest intelligence? Finest weapons?" he leans towards the man, "If your intelligence is SO fine, then why were we not warned of G.I. Joe's new weapon? What are they doing now? Where do they intend to counter strike at us!? Let those conundrums knock around your polished chromed cavernous cranium and provide me results! I want RESULTS Destro!" He reaches out to jab a finger into the big man's chest. "I want to know... what they know..." he huffs. "NOW!" Hissy hissy hissy!

     Destro glowers from behind his mask. "An' ye will hae them," he replies. "If th' Americans ur usin' alien technology, sae will we. Ah will design ye a tenk sae advanced 'at thes piece ay guff th' Joe leader is drivin' will swatch loch a piece ay naf. An' th' Baroness," he stops to point at her, as if everyone in the room didn't know it was her, "Will fin' it whit ye need tae ken. But ye need tae pay us in foo if ye expect uir services."

"Still chewin' 'is damn haggus b'the soun' of it, damned skirt-sporter..." Barghest keeps his tone _low_as he watches the altercation. He is not getting involved... The commander hit him in the damned face.

Tomax and Xamot each rest an elbow on the table and lean a cheek against them, mirror images of each other. Their ability to look bored in sync is truly a sight to behold. "I'm sure we can find the funds to pay your fees and make up any deficits in the profits from M.A.R.S. that you are seeing," Tomax supplies.

Xamot turns to Cobra Commander, "Speaking of Mars, a box arrived for you, Commander. It appears to have been shipped from Evil Incorporated." The twin makes a motion with a his free hand and a plain, old, ordinary Viper brings forth a wooden bax about a foot and a half long and six inches tall and deep. The viper sets the box down between the twins and Tomax takes the tag off. "A world leader deserves a taste from beyond the horizon," he quotes.

Accepting his cane from the viper attending it, Cobra Commander spares no time jabbing it into Destro's sternum, a final indicator that the man should back off. "Show me that I can be confident in your, and her, capabilities - and we shall see if you're worth what I'm paying you... If not I can make sure Storm Shadow is." Jab! Poke! Pushy-poke jab. The man's eyes are smiling, maybe his face is, who knows... Hood. He turns away, the matter clearly resolved - because it is. To him. The Commander "Evil... Incorporated. More of the alien absurdity. Very well, let us see it! You open it!" it could explode after all.

     Perhaps surprisingly, Destro takes Cobra Commander's guff. While he doesn't really back off, he also doesn't retaliate to the sternum-poking. When Cobra Commander turns away, Destro is left standing there, at a rare (at least in the past) loss for words. Instead of commenting, he merely moves slightly to the right to observe what's in the box. "Tay wee tae be a heed," he mutters to himself. He remains just behind Cobra Commander, making no move to join the Baroness at the table.

     Duncan will follow up later with Tomax about Cobra's contract with MARS.


Sadly, or luckily, for the Commander the wooden box doesn't explode when it's opened. After setting the lid aside Xamot lifts the box so Cee Cee can see inside. The inside of the box is lined with red velvet, cushioning a long bottle of clear glass that contains equally clear liquid. There's some texturing of the glass bottle that suggests joints and rivets, but the label is perfectly smooth. It proudly declares this to be "Evil Inc Martian Vodka". There's a wax seal around the cap, and embedded in the wax is a bead of clear resin that holds a small chip of dusky red rock.

"Acceptable. Have it taken to my wine cellar and put in the vault, I will save it for a special occasion." The Commander turns, "Such as when you can utter a coherent sentence." He turns suddenly, heading towards the president's elevator. "You are dismissed! You ALL had best begin working at turning this around! Cobra America succeeds, or you all fail!" because he doesn't. He's the guy running this show, it's a perfect plan. It's all these jack-wagons screwing it up for him.

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