January 3 - Counterpunch, Dust Devil, Seaspray, and Shockwave travelled down to the Cybertron Underworld to seek out the knowledge of Vector Sigma. In spite of clever diversionary efforts by Counterpunch, the Decepticons were almost overwhelmed by Centurion Droids... until they were suddenly called off by Dust Devil.
January 17 - "Visit to Vector Sigma" - Seaspray encounters the legendary super-computer Vector Sigma!
January 19 - "DC Under Attack" - Barbara Walker reports on Cobra's attack on the US capitol.
Joe Schmo appears outside of MacLeod Towers, backdropped by what appears to be the swearing in of the new President. "We are here outside of MacLeod towers where PresidentJohn MacLeod has just been sworn in after giving his inaugural address. As we know, the inauguration had to be moved due to the attack on Washington. President MacLeod has completed his swearing in and wanted to make some additional comments as to the recent attack. We go live to the newly sworn in President now."
The camera pans to the President standing at a podium, "My fellow Americans. As I stated in my previous address...now is the time for action, not empty words or promises. As you know, terrorists have attacked our nations capital. The great men and women of our military are holding them off but this just goes to show the failures of the previous administration. Terrible. Just terrible. An absolute disaster. I promise that as your President I am going to strengthen our military and intelligence assets to where things like this won't be able to happen. It's going to be big league. Absolutely HUGE. We will drive these terrorists out and we will wipe them off the face of this planet. God bless you and God Bless America!"
"Well folks, there you have it. Strong words from our new president. And now to the scores of the galactic cricket cup...."
Someone around the PIT has put magnetic signs over all the doors that formerly said Navy SEALS, and now it says Navy OTTERS, with an additional post-it that says 'sorry, budget cuts :('
April 26 - "How a Resurrection Really Feels" - Dust Devil recruits Typhoon and Spike to return to the depths of Cybertron, near Vector Sigma, to place the forgotten AutobotZetar in his final resting place. However, being that it's Dusty who's running this show, there is always more to meet the eye to this pretty straightforward request.
April 30 - "Goodbye, Spike Witwicky" - Dust Devil and Typhoon say goodbye to Spike Witwicky as he heads home from Cybertron.
5/12 - "The Gathering Swarm - First Contact" - A team of Autobots on a deep-space salvage mission have come across an object floating through space. It appears at first to be an escape pod covered in Decepticon symbols, but strangely designed for long range flight. What they find inside is an unstoppable creature that holds loyalty to neither faction, but only The Swarm.
<The Junkion insignia is replaced by a classic Test Pattern, which briefly gives way to the face of RV, his face grim and haunted.>
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programs to bring you this late-breaking announcement. Terror! Absolute Terror! Steve was right there, man. And then he was gone. His last words were, "Heyooooooo!" It was a night just like tonight. The clouds were heavy, black, and pendulous. Where, oh where, had my little lamb gone? I see you quiver with antici-...
<A group of Junkions in the background shout, "SAY IIIIT!">
...-pation. When I found him again, he was a shell of a man. He couldn't even say, "Heyo." Something scared him out of his wits! It was down below... deep within. It was... THE LURKING TERROR!
<Translation: RV and Steve were wandering the canyons beneath the Pillar of Rust, when Steve disappeared. When he was found again, he was too scared to say his catch phrase (and only vocabulary), "Heyooooo!" Something down there scared him near-to-death.>
<The following is just one of many similar stories circulating through the bars and seedy joints throughout the populated areas of Cybertron...>
Mech 1: Yeah, man, no kiddin'. Geloid Lubricant all over him. His assistant walked out an' never came back.
Mech 2: No slag? Hey, speakin' a' things walkin' away, I heard tha Dominicons left the Decepticons.
Mech 1: Yeah? What happened?
Mech 2: I dunno, somethin' about their leader pickin' a fight with Megatron an' kickin' his aft from Tarn ta Calyhex.
Mech 1: That's slaggin' crazy. I don't buy it.
Mech 2: 'ey, ya don't gotta believe me. Just watch yer back around the Rust Sea.
June[]
Jun 06 - Ruckus on Monacus[]
<The Monacus Broadcast Network ran the following story, reported by Flip Spotwell, a Nebulan news anchor.>
Total Carnage Entertainment billed it as The Ruckus on Monacus, and they couldn't have been more right. Newcomer Fireclaw was taking a shot at the title of Grand Champion, when a trio of unidentified Cybertronians broke into the Galactic Gladiators' arena. While two of them took down the arena's security systems, their apparent leader made an appearance on the battlefield, incapacitating reigning champion Gathros. While this mech remains unidentified, he and Fireclaw apparently had some former association. With security and restraint systems shut down, the gladiators proceeded to run amuck against security forces. Fortunately, all spectators were able to make it safely out of the stadium, and no civilian casualties have been reported. Fireclaw and his associates, in addition to an undisclosed number of gladiators, remain at large.
Big Shot looks around nervously, which is odd for the Californian, and says, "I think he's losing it.
Gargoyle also looks around nervously, his face falling from its normally contemplative state, and says, "I know. he's drinking insane amounts of coffee and talking to himself."
He's never talked to himself, and what about all the other weirf stuff he's been doing?," Big Shot sighs
"I know," Gargoyle says with a nod,"He sent me in disguise for some Adderall. He didn't even write a prescription, just told me to rob the place if I needed to."
Big Shot says, "What's with the Adderall?"
Gargoyle Looks around again, real carefully, and says quietly, "I looked it up. It calms people who need it, but makes those who don't energised and hyperalert."
"Shit!", Big Shot says.
The pair notice another Mamba crew coming and nod at each other as they resume their usual demeanors. The crew salute as they pass.
Big Shot says, "We better get some sleep...We're going to need all we can get..."
The two move off.
August[]
August 06 - "Planning" - The Autobots meet in Encore's Distillery to discuss their plans to disrupt the completion of the Decepticons' mega-refinery in Toraxxis.
Towards the end of a news report detailing damage done by the hurricane and flooding, the newscaster turns to another camera, and then smiles. "And in other news, a family of three has been found alive and well in the ruins of their collapsed home today - thanks to some rats!" A cartoon rat appears in a little cut-away window behind him. "Over now to our correspondent on scene, Ronald Soak."
Ronald is wearing a thick jacket and rough-weather gear. Behind him, there are the ruins of a three-floor house. "Thank you, Andrea. We've all seen the wider damage caused by the hurricane, with large areas that have been flooded out but, as the Harrisons found, the high ground isn't always safe! Shortly after the hurricane hit, their house collapsed around them because the ground had been washed out from underneath. They had been trapped for several days, and they weren't sure how much longer they could last.
"Luckily, however, a guardian angel was in the area. The tools of his trade? Giant rats, normally used to smell out mines."
He turns to the house, pointing out paw-prints in the mud. "Apparently, as well as mines the rats can sniff out helpless people trapped in their homes. We recorded this footage as we came in to airlift the family out."
A GI Joe 6-wheeled truck sits at a haphazard angle in the mud next to a collapsed house. Several extremely large rats are swarming over the building, being overseen by a man wearing orange gloves to help him guide the aircraft down. From this distance, the only clear details are his dark skin and GI Joe armour. Once the pilot has spotted him, he points in through the window, then pulls up a balaclava to hide his face.
He guides the helicopter down, then runs back to the building and moves some rubble. A man, a woman, and a teenager, covered in mud, climb through the gap he makes. The masked individual ushers them onto the helicopter and then backs away to let it clear off. He's seen making hand-signals to the rats as the helicopter departs.
Ronald appears back on screen. "When we returned here to talk to him, they were gone. We spoke to the US Army office, and got no response. Speaking to the men on the ground, the mysterious pied piper is apparently called 'Sinatra', and he's on secondment to the US Army from the African NGO 'Super Rats', which provides both mine-sweeping and tuberculosis hunting Gambian pouched rats. Back to you in the studio, Andrea."
At least the USPS is still delivering despite the chaos in the United States.
That being said, nobody really knows if the bag of gummy dicks delivered to the White house is for Cobra Commander or the Duly Elected President Of The United States. Or if it matters.
In response to rumors that Vladimir Putin may have been killed, Russian Spokesperson and personal loser of the Cold War to Rocky Balboa, Ivan Drago says "If he dies...he dies."
Small items have begun disappearing at the GI Joe HQ, primarily around the living quarters. Keys, small pieces of paperwork, tools, food, medals and similar things are reportedly vanishing - although, nothing that looks like it might actually be important has gone missing.
NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, California - NASA scientists monitoring their radio telescope network have reported that energies previously identified as temporal in nature have once again begun to surface. The energy spikes have begun to increase in intensity. "The pattern seems to be pointing to a large scale temporal event occurring within the next 48 hours. Previous reports on this phenomenon indicated that there was no impact to any region of the world, but never the less, we are monitoring the situation carefully." Scientists have advised that people remain calm as they anticipate this will pass without incident.
