User blog:Spikewitwicky/April 5th, 2016 - Spike's Journal Entry



So, we're on the way back to Earth. Ron and Judy spent the majority of the trip in awe - first of space travel in general, then of Cybertron. Then, on dad 's ... let's face it, utter badassness when his sense of duty pretty much gave him an adrenaline shot - as he turned from this frail, weakened elderly man into a beastly efficient field medic.

So, yeah. Dad's building dedication was interrupted. The Seacons attacked. And, despite the best efforts of all the medics, there was loss of life. And not taking away any of that tragedy... it really was a testament about all of the traits that made Prime name that building in dad's honor. What's the better representation - having dad stand for a photo-op along with a few other Cybertron medics, or have the 'bots see him in the field, doing the exact same things medics are supposed to do?

Anyway... it was supposed to be an ideal ending - a great final journey to Cybertron for dad. But... it didn't exactly end that way. Despite what I just wrote, I kind of think dad wanted that one final, iconic photo-op. Of him standing on the ramp of the shuttle, and waving goodbye for the last time. Presidents do it a lot when their terms are up. Richard Nixon may have the most iconic photo of that type of 'pose' - and for all the wrong reasons - it became iconic. But anyway...I'm guessing dad would have loved a photo of him waving - leaving Cybertron - maybe a small, framed copy for his birthday. But... it never happened. He over-exerted himself on the medic field. And as a result, he couldn't even stand. He had to have the assistance of a wheelchair. I tried to stand next to him to sort of 'prop him up' - but he instantly waved me off.

And...now he's in a deep funk again. All of his heroics that night on the battlefield have been replaced by his incorrect perception that the Autobots see him as feeble, weak, and frail. It's totally illogical. George H.W. Bush is now in a wheelchair, but when people see him, they still see an ex president, they don't see someone who is weak and feeble.

I'm sort of taking mental notes of all this. I don't expect Daniel or Megan to care for me like I did for dad (my circumstances make caring for dad pretty easy) BUT...if they do, I'm going to try like hell to do some of the stuff dad is NOT doing - e.g. if they offer to help, let them help.

But easier said than done. I remember when I was practically paralyzed from Frenzy's attack. Dad was there through it all. I may be looking at this through rose-colored glasses, but I don't remember being as bitter and angry as he is now. What I remember is being utterly terrified. After all, for whatever reason - I got Carly to marry me. And I kept thinking - this is someone that is so far out of my league...and now, I'm a vegetable. When and where is she going to drop me? She's a rocket scientist - not a caregiver. I thought the 'bots would finally show me the door - since I wouldn't be able to contribute anything to them. But I had my reasons... yes, Chip Chase was confined to a wheelchair, but he was paralyzed from the legs down. Mine was the neck down. And most importantly...the 'bots could still use Chip's mind. Me... my intellect is...let's say average. I would have nothing to give them. So, in the span of a few months, I saw everything I so loved in my life be in total danger of evaporating in front of me. Carly. The Autobots. And let's face it, my general health. Dad couldn't take care of me like that. So, I was envisioning a life where I would be in a sub-rate nursing home for the rest of my life.

Anyway... none of that happened. Dad's being totally illogical. And I can't knock any sense into him. I'm going to vow I won't be that combatative and cranky when I'm at that age (assuming I get to that age). But still... for as much as I vow I won't act a certain way - I guess none of us really know how we'll act until we finally are in that situation.