User blog:Bzero/Wendy's To Phase Out Unpopular Hamburger Sandwich

It's from The Onion, but it would be perfect for the Shattered Glass universe: DUBLIN, OH — Representatives for the restaurant chain Wendy's announced Tuesday that due to the item's continually dismal performance, the company would be discontinuing the widely disliked hamburger sandwich.

The hamburger sandwich, which Wendy's sources described as a ground beef "patty" placed between vegetables and two slices of bread, has long been the restaurant's worst-selling menu item, leading executives to decide that the time had finally come to phase it out of all 6,650 Wendy's locations.

"For more than 40 years, we've tried in vain to get the hamburger sandwich to catch on with our customers, but it is now clear that we're never going to make that happen," Wendy's CEO Roland Smith told reporters. "We knew from the beginning that the hamburger sandwich wasn't going to be for everyone, but we still hoped in vain that it might develop a nice little niche following over time. Unfortunately, it never did."

"After millions of dollars and countless man-hours, we have arrived at a very simple truth," Smith added. "People just flat-out don't like hamburger sandwiches."

Originally devised as an alternative to classic Wendy's favorites like the cucumber tea sandwich or the watercress-and-beet salad with a light vinaigrette, the hamburger sandwich has languished on the restaurant's menu for decades, due largely, officials claimed, to an unwillingness among customers to order something outside their comfort zone.

While the company has experimented with variations on the hamburger sandwich over the years, Wendy's representatives said such efforts have all been met with quizzical reactions—and sometimes even outright revulsion—from customers.

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