The Meaning of Christmas

Log Title: The Meaning of Christmas Characters: Soundwave, Ar-Gent Silverfinger, Discretion, Bloody Bones Location: Internet chatroom Date: December 23, 2018 TP: Non-TP Summary: Soundwave discovers the meaning of Christmas over the internet. Sort of. As logged by  Ar-Gent Silverfinger

  Greetings.

  And a very merry holiday season to you!

'''  Oh. Holidays. What culture this time?'''

  If its ones you celebrate, very merry holiday season to you too

'''  Well, it depends. There's quite a selection this time of year. All of them prime shopping occassions.'''

'''  I see. How do you plan on celebrating them?'''

  I plan to give gifts!

'''  ah. gifts.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Surprise gifts!

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Thats an interesting tradition. Perhaps I should give some surprise gifts too.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> The only question is -when-. There are several potentially appropriate dastes.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> dates

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Which is the most appropriate?

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Well, Tuesday is Christmas. That's the one most English speaking cultures stick with. But then there's Three Kings Day on January 5th, which is popular in other places. Some have already traded gifts for Yule- that was yesterday.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> my culture really doesn't celebrate holidays. Christmas. I think I remember hearing of that when I was on Earth.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Hmm, might be able to do something with jingle bells. Will have to talk to research and development.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Something about a fat man chimneys and presents. Hmm. Jingle Bells eh?'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Yes. Jingle bells and Santa Claus and ho ho ho.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> humans are so weird.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> So these Jingle bells are part of this christmas ritual.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> It's the holiday season, so hoop-de-do, and dickery dock, and don't forget to hang up your sock. 'Cause just exactly at twelve o'clock, he'll be coming down the chimney down.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> They are. As is dashing through the snow. Unless you're in Hawaii, in which case Christmas is green and bright.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I'd be kind of alarmed if someone was coming down my chimney.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> this is normal during hte christmas ritual though?

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Well, that's the story. There is some mention of death, though. Grandma got run over by a reindeer.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Oh wow. there is a /lot/ of information on this online.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> so from what I get it. the jingle bells summon hte spirit of christmas aka santa claus. If he is appeased by good deeds, he will spirit down your chimney and leave appeasement gifts for the children.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> and if not apparantly grandma will get run over by reindeer?

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> No, you get coal.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> how.. much coal?'''

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Or a visit from Krampus, depending on where you live.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> I suppose it depends on just how naughty you've been.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> You have no idea.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Krampus steals away naughty children. Or leaves switches. I suppose it depends on how bad the parents are.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Then one might theorize it would be a lot.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> The switches are a warning for naughty children.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> so what is the incentive for being good? I'd be glad if someone gave me metric tons of coal.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Most children have no use for coal.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> They want toys, instead.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> dont their parents teach them energy production?

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Santa Claus brings presents! You write a letter and send it to him, and he and his elves make the presents and hide them under a tree in your house. Or leave them in a sock.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Auditor> Food is much better to allow children produce energy.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Energy is produced through various methods like nuclear plants.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> yes, I know.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Very little runs on coal anymore.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> and yes. I imagine hcildren would like food much better. toys? Hmm.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> its still able to be processed though. Its not the most efficient and viable source but it will do.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> What's so special about what you get every day? Food is a necessity for life not a gift.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Well, for the most part.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> what of special foods you dont get every day. Does your culture have goodies and the like?'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> I'd prefer carbon nanotubes if I'm going to get carbon. Or diamonds, they're always classy.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> agreed, gentleman. but one cannot be picky when it comes to spirits.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Oh, come now. Choosing the correct spirit is absolutely essential to a holiday feast.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Earth actually has a lot of potential for renewable energy.

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> A toast with wine is fine, but well-aged liquor is best.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> People DO tend to give fruit cake as a gift, though I'm loathe to call it food.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I see. The difference between a cultured gift and uncultured.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> My own creations do like goodies now and then. a little too often for some of them. I suppose I could give them gifts but they'd probably wonder why.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Unfortunately, my latest line of vodka isn't available for sale, yet. Maybe I could gift some to a few cultural icons as a way to tease its availability later.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> oh. you distill then?'''

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> If I had to choose between fruit cake and a hot poker to the eye, I'd take the poker.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> I'm more management. I own the farms, the workers, the distillery.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I just researched this fruit cake. lots of pictures of it being used as a'''

doorstop.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I bet it'd make a good projectile.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> I'm fond of the flaming puddings, myself. Festive.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> you eat food thats on fire?

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Generally you put the fire out before you eat it but it's there for...

ambiance.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Oh, it's a very old tradition! A pudding is made, then doused in very high alcohol spirits, and lit on fire!'''

<irc.dal.net> <Auditor> I've heard that Bananas Foster is excellent.

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> A giant pudding would be a magnificent gesture!

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> wait. its a good idea to light your high grade on fire.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I kind of like this christmas music though.

<irc.dal.net> <Marcus Kane> May I suggest The Chipmunks?

'''<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> We generally need our food cooked. Though the additional fire is more for ambiance as I said.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> what would small rodents have to do with..

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> thats...thats wow. thats something.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Ah, the tale of Alvin and the Chipmonks. An inspiration on how to manage your employees.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> This is baffling. Fascinating though I dont know how I didnt find out about this before.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> There's been music in the air for a month or more.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I've been elseworld and distracted with business.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> So, you haven't been on Earth? This happens every year.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I was on Earth for many many years. I was just distracted with work when I was there too and didnt have time to look into traditions and the like.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Earth culture is in a way highly fascinating. I love their music, for'''

example.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> What a shame! There's quite a cinematic history to it.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I do enjoy the holiday music now that I found it. It looks like theres quite a bit attached to it.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Oh yes, plenty of movies. Timeless classics like Christmas With the Kranks.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> I'm fond of Die Hard, myself.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Die Hard is NOT A CHRISTMAS MOVIE.

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> The internet does not agree.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> The internet often disagrees with itself.

<irc.dal.net> <Auditor> The company who made the movie has recently acknowleged that it is a Christmas movie: https://youtu.be/UrWQEJhVSz4

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> It's apparantly an "Action holiday special"

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> If it's a Christmas movie so is Lethal Weapon.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Why wouldnt it be?

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Ah! We'll have to do a holiday movie marathon. Die Hard, Die Harder, Lethal Weapon..'''

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Because all it is is an action movie that happens to be set around Christmas time.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> and thus technically a Christmas movie.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Christmas is not an integral part of the story.

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Ah, but Christmas is the reason he was at the party, is it not?

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> What party. I need to watch more movies, apparantly.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> As was stated, it was primarily a party to celebrate a big milestone by his wife.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> was this milestone Christmas?

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> No, it was a big business deal for the company.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Ah. Then its a business movie.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> If that's the standard you're going to use, then none of the Hallmark movies are Christmas movies, either.

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Don't watch Hallmark.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Is Hallmark an essential part of the christmas movie part of this ritual?

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Very much so.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Im just trying to see where this 'rabbit hole' goes.

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Nearly every one has some big charity drive or business complication as the reason the plot happens over Christmas.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Though they are hardly limited by movies. Check keepsake ornaments.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Hallmark has not only cards and ornaments, but their own cable channel with movies.

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Some of my employees watch them religiously.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> You own a busines, Gentleman?

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> I own several dozen!

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> oh? What line of work are you in?'''

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Finance, weaponry, real estate, temporary work for certain specialized needs, and dabbling in various sorts of manufacturing.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Sounds like a busy organization. What is it called?'''

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Evil Incorporated.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I have heard of it. Congratulations on your recent work.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Oh! Are you a satisfied customer? Or a fan?'''

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> A fan.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Well! Always glad to meet an admirer. Well, in a manner of speaking.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> I would be careful of that. Religious movie watching can be bad for productivity.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I wont watch the religious ones then thank you.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> Oh, we watch all kinds around here. If it interferes with their work, they can always spend a little time with my colleague.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> I suppose my line of work could be similar to yours, Gentleman. I am a Decepticon. Some may say I am in the business of.. Acquisitions.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> What's a Decepticon?

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Cybertronian faction.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Rawhead> Cybertronian? Sounds Swedish.'''

'''<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> We are not native to your world. Do not worry about it.'''

<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> A unfortunate bunch, caught up in their war.

<irc.dal.net> <Guardian> Earth is just one of many worlds that our war has encountered.

'''<irc.dal.net> <Gentleman> It makes many of them dreadfully dreary at times, but there are still many who can get into the spirit of things and have a little fun. '''