User blog:Spikewitwicky/January 18, 2016 - Spike's Journal Entry



So, Slipstream paid me a visit yeterday. For history's sake, the Joes are still staying in Autobot City as they rebuild their former HQ. So, Slipstream wanted to have access to one of our consoles. I think just to tinker around with. Looking back at at history, from Wheeljack, to the Junkions, I know it's a recipe for disaster. So, I gave him the most inoffensive, hand-me-down console I could think of... an old console lifted from The Ark. I think it was here for training purposes.

Anyway...

He wanted to pull a prank on the Decepticons. Something annoying. Kinda juvenile, but kind of funny at the same time. Something like if any door in the Decepticon base were to open up, something like...Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" would come on. And maybe this 'virus' he would develop would do something even more catastrophic. But maybe not. It's basically a crap shoot.

Anyway...I didn't sign off on it. And it started me thinking...is this job - hell, no one's going to read this, so I'm just going to go out and say it, is this job turning me into a wuss? When I was a kid, I would have been all over this. But ever since Optimus Prime tasked me with this diplomat job, I feel like I'm supposed to be the human translator for Prime. Would Prime sign off on that? Hell no. Ergo, I can't sign off on it, even though I totally appreciate the sentiment. And then there's Crosscut. What would HE think if I were to sanction such a prank? Shit was so much easier before this job.

But...maybe that's not fair. I gave Slipstream a bit of a history lecture. I'm all for taking the fight to the Decepticons. And if Optimus were to say something like "We are taking the fight to the Decepticons - and we are not messing around. All out assault on their base. Bring Omega Supreme, Defensor, Superion, and Computron to the party and let's go. Sort of like what Colin Powell advocates... the moment you engage, bring all your heavy stuff, and bring the hammer down on your enemies (ok, that's a bit generalized, I know). But in short - it's strategic.

What Slipstream is advocating is sort of like...kicking a hornets nest. For the sake of doing such. I told him the Decepticons were like the mafia. You do something that irritates or humiliates them - you may not get a retaliation in a week, or even a month, but trust me, they have backup memory processors to back up their backup memory processors. And they will come to bite you in the aft. And at least when it comes to us humans, that retaliation is going to be a few hundred times more severe.

Case in point, I was in my early '20s, got cocky and stupid, and kicked Frenzy 's head clear off its casing after Grimlock KO'd him. Frenzy's head was reattached in a few hours after the 'cons retrieved his body. And he went on being the dick he is. About 10 months later, Frenzy jumped me, fractured my leg, cracked my skull, broke 6 ribs, put me in a coma, nearly paralyzed me - I had a practical exo-skeleton attached to my leg, and I was peeing out of a catheter for a few months, and spent a year trying to relearn how to walk and talk... all for something Z took all of 3 hours to recover from.

A few years ago, I was stupid (can you see a pattern?) and got caught up with what Destro did to Starscream. I didn't even DO anything to Starscream! I just said something in an interview like "this shows that humans can play a role in stopping the Decepticons" ... and the bastard retaliates by dropping a bomb right on my house, destroying practically everything inside (but thank Primus, not Carly and Daniel), shattering the glass of almost every house surrounding our house, and with Megan expecting...basically forcing us to move back in to Autobot City where we remain.

Long story short - I'll still suit up to go on the battlefront if I'm needed - without hesitation. But I've had more than my share of very painful lessons about crossing the Decepticons. I guess long story short - if you're going to piss them off - make sure it's worth it. Don't risk your aft over a Rick Astley prank.