User blog:Bzero/Hector Ramirez - Coast Guard Base Raided

A flying graphic says, “DANGER ON THE GULF COAST!” before Hector Ramirez appears on a Faux News broadcast segment. He’s standing outside in a trench coat, his coiffed grey hair unmoving in the light breeze. In his bombastic voice he booms, “I am broadcasting live from Louisiana, where this week the U.S. Coast Guard Base New Orleans was raided by what can only be described as a group of pirates. While the Coast Guard itself refused to comment, several civilians witnessed the attack.”

The screen cuts to an older man with a grey mustache and white beard. A title at the bottom of the screen identifies him as “Ray Cummings, local resident.” Cummings looks at Ramirez and says, “It was like somethin’ from a Disney movie. Pirates, led by someone in a mask with a bloody skull, was lootin’ the base and startin’ fires. They had what looked like old rifles, but certainly didn’t shoot like ‘em!”

The shot cuts back to Ramirez. “No deaths were reported, and the Coast Guard is mum about what was stolen by the pirates. After they attacked, the marauders escaped back to sea and are still at large. No one knows when they’ll attack again or if they’ll be brought to justice. For now, local residents live in fear.” The flying graphic says, “DANGER ON THE GULF COAST!” again before moving on to the next segment.