User blog:Spikewitwicky/March 14th, 2016 - Spike's Journal Entry



So, yesterday was a day off from work, but in concept only. To be honest, I'd love to have a full-scale 'reset' or 'do-over' from yesterday. It was one of those days where nothing went right. Things didn't exactly go terribly wrong, but just wrong enough to annoy you.

Here's the breakdown.

Dad

The popular addage is that your parents eventually turn back into kids when they get to dad's stage of his illness. And not the 'aww, cute' elements of your kids. We're talking the migraine-inducing parts that try parents' patience. Dad was up and around, after spending a few days in bed. He also looked ready to eat, but looking at him, you could tell something just wasn't wiring up quite right. The spoon to mouth thing. I thought I could 'start' him on eating by feeding him just one bite. Huge mistake. He batted my hand way, and then proceeded to shove a piping-hot spoonfull in his mouth, triggering a couging fit, and mildly burning his mouth.

Also, like kids, dad knows exactly what buttons to push. One moment, he's the same dad when you were a kid, giving you sage advice, and expertly leading you into adulthood. The next moment, he's teasing you, and not the gentle ribbing of a jest. Like... interrupting you talking to Crosscut about a negotiation, and having him say "I would walk all over a wimp like you if I were that person!" or for Buster, one moment, gently teasing him about not keeping him up on his oil changes (fair game), to then calling him "utterly worthless." Ouch. I keep saying "it's the illness, it's the illness." But still, those thoughts were in there - they didn't exactly come out of thin air, right? But I also keep thinking his father was excessively cruel. And I'm guessing dad's elementary and secondary school was filled with bullies. And it's a harsh Darwin-like existance where you had to be just a bit harder than the next person to survive.

Buster

Speaking of Buster...

OK, so I'm totally stumped on dad. Two days ago, I was asking Buster to come down ASAP because I thought he was close to death. Yesterday, he was combative and annoying. But...for the most part, his mental faculties were 'on' - and he was certainly spry enough. I told him to hold off coming. Then, when dad couldn't exactly figure out the eating thing, I changed my mind. And I'm guessing he got fed up, because I got a response in all caps, pretty much martyring himself and saying "I'LL JUST STAY THE WHOLE WEEK, JESS WILL UNDERSTAND."

Look, I hate to interrupt your sheltered hipster existance with the college on spring break, but he is your dad. I'm not asking for an entire damn week here, just a day. I know there's this unspoken rule: "Dad pretty much made a choice between Buster and I with the Autobots." And as a result, I'm going to be the one who's going to do the brunt of the heavy lifting, taking care of dad in his later years. But he's still YOUR DAD, Buster. A little help here?

Me 

Finally... me. I found out that in 1996, I actually didn't just get a nasty concussion when the Autobots intercepted Starscream when he abducted me. That was the narrative I believed for almost 20 years. In truth, Starscream did succeed in capturing me. And for two weeks, I was one of many subjects of Dr. Arkeville. He tried a new system of mind control that didn't rely on a device ala a hypno-chip. It was 'hard-wired' - where subjects were given a 'simulated reality' - thanks to a combination of psychotic drugs and Decepticon technology that was able to 'hack into' your mind. Apparently, in my 'universe' - I was responsible for the deaths of dad, Buster, Carly, and my Daniel, and my actions cost the Autobots the war, including the death of Optimus Prime. So, every subject had that type of scenario played out (their worst fears played out in front of them) - where they were responsible for everything. This 'broke' their will, and Dr. Arkeville was there to pick up the pieces ,and offer forgiveness where no one else would. The cost...was a life of servitute toward him. Apparently, it also came with a helluva cost. If Dr. Arkeville was away for too long, subjects became panicked to the point where their hearts would race to the point of 'breaking' if they were away from Dr. Arkeville for too long. Call it "extreme sepeartion anxiety."

I was part of that control group, but First Aid managed to find a way to totally wipe out my short term memory for that time. He instructed all Autobots and family members to "stay with the narrative"  - and I was blissfully unaware for 20 years. I know the truth now, and it didn't affect me. So, I'm a bit pissed they didn't tell me sooner.

Arkeville 

So, he did that to me. Most Autobots have their nemesis. Prime has Megatron. Blaster has Soundwave. Bumblebee has Ravage. Now, I have Dr. Arkeville. Or so I want to think. I now had all of this horrible evidence. He nearly killed my dad. He nearly killed me. And he was only 3 stories below me. I wanted to hear from him what he did to me. After all, he's been implying I've been his puppet before, I was just thinking it was a ploy on his part - but he was telling the truth. I wanted to hear from him, and maybe...I'll just say it - get some redemption for his cheap shot he laid on me last week when he nearly choked the life out of me.

But dad talked me down. Prime doesn't exactly knock on Megatron's entrance and request a fight to the death. He always has a reason for fighting. I wanted to be the person who finally beats the living hell out of Arkeville for all the death and destruction he's wrought. But then, what happens after that? The people are still dead. Dad still bears his own scars from being captured.

And in a brutally honest way... I most likely wouldn't be able to take him. Me, this 40-something, in reasonably good shape guy against a frail guy who's pushing 80. But there's even some smaller Autobots who fear him. And while I may get in a few good shots, I know the slightest error on my part would result in him capitalizing. And one wrong move on him is pretty much a guaranteed trip to the morgue.

So, it'll have to remain 'as-is.' My last interaction with him will remain me ordering all of his inventions destroyed. He doesn't know I know what he did to me, but I'm sure he would know if he saw me the next time we meet. But right now, my gut instinct says for me to close this horrible chapter of Arkeville. He's the Joes problem now.