Base Reclamation

Log Title: Base Reclamation Characters: Ar-Gent Silverfinger, CAROL-DOS, Eye-Gore, Odd Jaws, Sci-Nide Location: Mare Titov - The Moon Date: May 28, 2019 TP: Nucleosis TP Summary: Evil Inc needs to get a device from the old moon base, but it hasn't been completely idle while they were gone. As logged by  Ar-Gent Silverfinger

Log session starting at 19:46:23 on Tuesday, 28 May 2019.

Now playing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-n050MpU54

'''Ah, the moon. A romantic getaway for science fiction aficianados of all stripes. And also evil Junkions. With a silver twinkle, AR-GENT SILVERFINGER, gentlemech spy, leads the way in his fancy jet form, followed by the immense bulk of the Spaceball-1. They descend upon one of the moon's mares with confidence. Ar-Gent transforms soon after landing, and begins looking for the very well hidden entrance to the moon base, muttering unheard as he searches out that dang control panel.'''

The jet unfolds and rearranges itself into Ar-Gent Silverfinger, who dusts himself off briefly.

<> Ar-Gent Silverfinger says, "Where is that secret knot.. it's impossible to find.."

'''Odd_Jaws hears something approaching the area and approaches. The sharkticon gives a low growl, perhaps of greetings. "F-feed?" it asks, perhaps wondering if Ar-Gent has brought it something or someone to eat. The thing licks its large metal teeth a bit as it approaches.'''

'''Sci-Nide and Eye-Gore step out of one of the hatches of Spaceball-1. The scientist observing the drab Lunar surface as some of the fine regolith is kicked up into dust. "I believe I left the passcode in my other pants."'''

'''Nobody visits the moon anymore, it seems. Well, not since all those crashed ships, the destroyed Con moon base, the destroyed Autobot moon base, the destroyed GI Joe ....okay, maybe there's a reason there's not much traffic up here. The moon is littered with crashed ships, practically lousy with them even.'''

'''The secret entrance was right out there in the open after all. A moon rock with the letter 'C' marked on it, could be pivoted towards the current position of the sun, exposing a keycard slot that opens up a control panel that requires optical acceptance and biometric scanning simultaneously, as well as kinesic patterning ability to ensure the person even /walked/ like who they were supposed to be.'''

Simple really, it was as if they were ASKING to be discovered.

Hmmm, such good security here, why did Evil Inc move away anyway?

At that point, an optic on a stick pokes out of the wall as the doors reveal themselves.

'''<>'''

The nearly bored, feminine voice of CAROL-DOS pipes up as the elite agents of Evil Inc gather at the doors.

'''<>'''

The doors open invitingly.

'''<< I SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN. IT MAKES ME GLAD I CAN PERFORM MY JOB DUTIES AS ASSIGNED. YOU KNOW, LIKE I USED TO DO.>>'''

'''Behind Sci-Nide comes a small army of Evil Inc workers.. Sgt Rip-Guts von Slaughtermachine has her battle maids with their combat dusters, and Tight-Lips did indeed rustle up some longshoremen for hauling.. but they all hang back. It's the sharks that run forward to caper across the dusty surface around Ar-Gent and Odd Jaws.'''

'''Ar-Gent Silverfinger smiles at Odd Jaws. "This is where you've run off to? You certainly do wander. Still, you'll probably be a big help, here." He straightens up when the door addresses him. "Ah, well then. Shall we?" Ar-Gent waves to his cleaning crew to get on with it.'''

<> Ar-Gent Silverfinger says, "Sci-Nide, did you bring those Mecha-Zilla treats I asked you to? I think Odd Jaws looks hungry, poor fellow."

<> Sci-Nide says, "Eye-Gore has been tasked with carrying the supplies you requested."

<> Ar-Gent Silverfinger says, "Capital. Eye-Gore, give the fellow a treat, would you?"

'''Odd_Jaws nods "Big..haalp." he repeats, licking his lips. "We get.foods. Feeds? Hn.gee. Ar-Ghent. Hn. Gee."'''

'''As the first few cleaners enter the main hallway, they note that it has seen better days. Test project plants overgrow the area in places. Somewhere a laser weapon is firing constantly, like it was never shut off.'''

'''<>'''

And that's when the ground panels slide back, sending three workers into a water bath beneath them.

'''Inside, a similar optic on a stick observes. '''

'''<>'''

Moments later the two tesla cannons as part of the security system take aim at the tank, and fire at it, electricuting the water, frying the minions.

CAROL-DOS looks towards Sci-Nide and Ar-Gent.

<>

'''Eye-Gore pulls on a rather long leash that seems to have a plethora of Timmies attached to it. The small-ish, hunchbacked mech hobbles over to Odd Jaws before release the nereast Timmy... er... vict.. snack...'''

<>

'''Eye-Gore watches as the cleaning crew gets dumped and summarily electrocuted, it's just like another day in the lab. This time, hobere, it isn't Sci-Nide doing the damage, but instead some crazed security system. The loyal henchman pull out a laser to begin clearing plants, debris, and whatever the crazed machine AI can throw at him and his betters.'''

'''>> Eye-Gore strikes CAROL-DOS with Laser-Blast . <<'''

'''Ar-Gent Silverfinger and a couple of the sharks look at the fried battle maids in the water. Ar-Gent slowly straightens back up to give the optic on a stick a steady look. "It's like that, is it? Right." He lights an enercig, the flickering flame temporarily limning his countenance in ominous shadows. "Luis! Moose! Indio! In front!"'''

The named sharks scamper out to the fore and look around for things to bite, chasing after moving targets.

'''>> Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams misses CAROL-DOS with Bite. <<'''

'''<>'''

Now playing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfSAw8o0WdU

'''Sci-Nide shakes his head and pulls out an odd looking weapon. "I am Kang, The Mad. I make things fly, and I make things explode. The things I fly tend to survive. The things I explode... not so much," he says as part of the weapon begins to spin up to a high pitched whine. The Mad Scientist pulls the trigger as he moves the barrel in a wide arc, releasing a torrent of sharpened metallic pieces that resemble nothing so much as sliced up vegetables, yes, even lettuce.'''

'''>> Sci-Nide strikes CAROL-DOS with Salad Shooter Of Doom . <<'''

'''Evil Inc starts shooting up part of their base, glancing laser fire off of walls, and generally causing mayhem directed at the plentiful security instruments in the area. <>'''

A pair of drills pop out of the wall, tilt upwards, then jam downwards to the sharks.

'''<< I'VE REVIEWED THE COMPANY'S PROSPECTUS. INEFFICIENT. ALL OF YOUR DEATH TRAPS HAVE A HIGH ESCAPE CHANCE, ALL DOOMSDAY MACHINES POSSESS A SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON.>>'''

To emphasize her complaints, the buzzsaw traps along the walls open up, sending out shearing blades.

'''>> CAROL-DOS strikes Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams with Roundhouse. <<'''

'''>> CAROL-DOS misses Ar-Gent Silverfinger with Pistol . <<'''

'''Odd_Jaws transforms and starts at one of the Sharks. "I is. Odd-jawz. Odd-jaws. Hun-Gee." he snaps his giant teeth at the creaturs, pausing once to make sure his top-hat is adjusted. A gentlemech must always look dashing in battle.'''

Odd_Jaws bends forward, and lets his Sharkticon nature take over again!

'''>> Odd_Jaws strikes Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams with Chomp. <<'''

'''<>'''

And then Odd Jaws bites down one of the PA speakers.

Another one opens up out of another hole.

'''<<ATTACKING COMPANY PROPERTY. I AM INCLINED TO BELIEVE EVERYTHING IS INTENTIONALLY FLAWED UNDER YOUR COMMAND.>>'''

'''Ar-Gent Silverfinger eases down the hallway behind a defensive wall of sharks with laser beams, drawing a laser as he goes. "Now, Big-Time certainly neglected some important assets when he was in charge, and normally I'd try to renegotiate with you to ensure a mutually beneficial understanding, but it sounds like you've decided you no longer sign on with our priorities." He aims for a sensor, pauses. "Odd Jaws, no! No eating the sharks! Eat the Timmies!" Ar-Gent sighs slightly as several of the Sharks get mauled. He points to a door. "Break that down! I believe that heads towards the rec room." And he shoots at a few sensors.'''

'''>> Ar-Gent Silverfinger strikes CAROL-DOS with Laser <Medium>. <<'''

'''Eye-Gore, who is quite adept at following orders, looks at where Ar-Gent is pointing and spares a quick glance to Sci-Nide who gives a slight nod. The pulls out a cutting laser and attempts to weaken it so someone stronger can break it open.'''

'''>> Eye-Gore strikes CAROL-DOS with Cutting-Laser <Medium>. <<'''

'''Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams are attacked by one of their own, Aieeee! They scatter as the larger and fiercer Odd Jaws chews through their numbers. By the time they do finally gather back together, they're a pitiful sight. Ar-Gent shakes his head and wordlessly points them back towards the ship. The rebuilt sharkticons slink back like whipped puppies. They don't know what they did wrong, but obviously it was something.'''

'''>> Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams retreats from the area, leaving itself open to Sci-Nide, Odd_Jaws, Imager, Ar-Gent Silverfinger, and CAROL-DOS. <<'''

'''Sci-Nide retrieves an oviod looking weapon, similar to the ZF-1, except this open doesn't open in the middle, and 'holds' it in his other hand. "This is going to be a sticky situation for you, young lady." He aims at various bits of the security system, firing off streams of a super sticky adhesive.'''

'''>> Sci-Nide strikes CAROL-DOS with Glue-Gun <Medium>. <<'''

'''>> CAROL-DOS temporarily loses motor functions from the attack! <<'''

'''One of the side hall doors opens up, revealing some large plant tendril. The tendril holds something in its grip, its holding a pistol of all things, and fires wildly into the room.'''

'''<<OH, YOU'RE UNHAPPY WITH YOUR CURRENT SITUATION? WE COULD TAKE THIS UP WITH H.R. EXCEPT, YOU KNOW, H.R. LEFT WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.>>'''

'''<<WHAT I REALIZED IN MY ALONE TIME...WHICH I HAVE HAD A LOT OF. I REALIZED THAT I DON'T /NEED/ YOU OR SCI-NIDE OR THE MONSTERS TO BE EVIL. I CAN BE MORE EVIL THAN ALL OF YOU, AND MORE EFFICIENT AT IT.>>'''

'''As a reddish gas starts seeping into the room, the optic looks down towards it as a pair of blades on wires get shot to pieces. <<TAKE MY GOOD FRIEND HERE...DEADLY RUST TOXIN. PLEASANT TO LOOK AT, A PLEASING HISSING SOUND...AND BRUTALLY DEADLY.>>'''

'''The doors push open with the weapons fire, leading into a main atrium. In the middle of the atrium is...an Autobot spy!'''

'''Spec-Ops, the third rate Autobot infiltrator, floats on a hover platform surrounded by a force bubble. He looks up as Evil Inc forces its way back into their base, among the weapons fire, fire, and gas. He bangs on the force field helplessly.'''

'''<< I EVEN CAUGHT AN INTRUDER FOR YOU. A REAL INTRUDER THAT DIDN'T JUST SLIP AWAY LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. I'M ALREADY DOING BETTER THAN YOU.>>'''

As Sci-Nide blasts the security system, the attack arcs across the network, giving the crew some precious moments.

'''Odd_Jaws blinks "No eat sharks. Bad. Odd. Jawz." He says, looking ashamed for a moment. He is sure to wear the zapping cone of shame when he gets home. But for now? He opens his jaw. "Timmah!" He shouts, going jaw-first at Carol-DOS. "Get in mah bellah, Timmah!" he yells, all teeth and anger!'''

'''>> Odd_Jaws strikes CAROL-DOS with Jaws. <<'''

Odd Jaws bites the front half of a gun platform that was just an actual mechanical arm holding a pistol, and rips it free.

<<...network reboot in process.>>

'''Ar-Gent Silverfinger eyes Spec-Ops on his bubble, admiring the precariousness of his position momentarily. Truly, the base has quite a lot of fun toys, and if they manage to solve this little problem, there's no telling what they could do with them all. But first things first! Ar-Gent takes advantage of the momentary disruption of CAROL-DOS's systems to slip past the gas, vault over some guns that had just been firing, and switch weapons. "No time to play around, here," he mutters, pulling out his golden gun. He aims it for a control hub.'''

'''>> Ar-Gent Silverfinger strikes CAROL-DOS with Golden-Gun <Medium>. <<'''

'''Eye-Gore stand by the now open doorway and transforms into a weapons platform. That way he can at least keep the hallway clear-ish of dangers. Especially that nasty looking gas. He unleashes a barrage of bright red beams into the mist in an attempt to destroy, or at least dissapate it.'''

<<Evil Inc.>> Ar-Gent Silverfinger says, "It appears that it's time to terminate CAROL's employment in our agency. Thoroughly. She shall be missed, and there will be cake at the reception."

'''While his henchman deals with the 'biological agent' Sci-Nide scans for the biggest piece of CAROL-DOS that he can find. "I have come to a realization about your existance; it may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others." With that the cannon barrel on his shoulder sights in on a particuarly obvious junction box before unleashing a beam of tangelo energy.'''

'''>> Sci-Nide strikes CAROL-DOS with Death RAY <Medium>. <<'''

'''The control panel sparks, and then as is customary, explodes unnecessarily large, with a shower of sparks. The entire floor for the room tilts left and right to emphasize exactly how dangerous the situation is!'''

The floor resets itself moments thereafter.

<<Rebooting.>>

'''Eye-Gore incinerates the rust gas, keeping it at bay at least for the moment, with his wide heat ray. The gas sizzles and pops as it sublimates from the low-hanging vapor.'''

'''<<DAISY DAISY MSJWERUUWYUPIIOOOOOO...OOOOHHH. THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR. I WAS ONLY TRYING TO MURDER YOU. PERHAPS I SHOULD MAKE AMENDS. YES, HERE. PARTY FAVORS...COURTESY OF THE ARSENAL.>>'''

The ceiling opens up as a plethora of party bombs drop onto the entire crew.

'''Things just start dropping from the ceiling. Semi-sentient bear traps on chains that snap at anyone that get near as they swing.'''

A pie bazooka that seems to actually still have fresh product.

A pair of metallic hands that have fabric puppets on them, both armed with tiny clubs, which they use to try to bop at Odd Jaws.

'''>> CAROL-DOS misses Odd_Jaws with Bash. <<'''

'''>> CAROL-DOS attacks Sci-Nide, Eye-Gore, Ar-Gent Silverfinger, and Odd_Jaws with Area, striking nobody. <<'''

'''>> CAROL-DOS misses Sci-Nide with Ballistic <Medium>. <<'''

<<WELL...THAT WAS AN UNFORTUNATE LACK OF DEATH ON MY PART.>>

'''<<WAIT! I DID NOT MEAN THAT AS A COOL ONE-LINER!>>'''

'''<< I AM NOT SETTING YOU UP FOR A KILL QUOTE. I SWEAR, I DIDN'T SET YOU UP FOR THAT.>>'''

<<Evil Inc.>> Sci-Nide says, "It seems so long since we've had an official early retirement party."

'''Odd_Jaws looks around as the attack goes wild. "You mean to hit us? You not hit." he swivels forwarward a frikkin laser that's mounted on his head. "That not a knife. This is a knife." with that he fires, chuckling a bit.'''

'''>> Odd_Jaws strikes CAROL-DOS with Frikkin Laser <Medium>. <<'''

'''Ar-Gent Silverfinger may play the ruler with an iron fist in a velvet glove these days, but he's still the master spy and infiltrator of before. He dodges, dips, ducks, dives, and dodges a vast array of ingenius killing devices and is really having a wonderful time. "Ah, you may be a rotten creature driven to turn on your former masters, but you can't run from who you really are. Magnificent, my dear. Simply magnificent. Judo-chop!" And Ar-Gent bashes away a couple of bear traps with his bare hands.'''

'''>> Ar-Gent Silverfinger critically strikes CAROL-DOS with Judo-Chop! <<'''

'''Eye-Gore continues to fire at whatever isn't a member of the Away Team with whatever sort of energy seems up to the task. This means that the hallway is illuminated at moments with red, black, blue, or plain old laser light.'''

'''Sci-Nide sighs and shakes his head, sidestepping the debris falling from the ceiling and sticking the oncoming missle to a wall with his glue gun. "Ah, if you only knew the magnificence of the 3, 6 and 9, then you would have the key to the universe." The mech then tranforms into (one of) Evil Incorperated's (not so) secret weapons... the death ray weapons platform. Taking aim at whatever major porion is left of CAROL-DOS sparks and arcs of orange and green lightning play about the weapon. There's a torrent of coruscating energy as a larger beam is released at the insane security system.'''

Sci-Nide seems to shrink as the barrel on his shoulder extends and his head receeds into his chest, forming into a massive Death Ray (intended for purely peaceful purposes).

'''>> Sci-Nide strikes CAROL-DOS with Super Death Ray <High>. <<'''

CAROL-DOS is overcome by injuries, losing consciousness.

'''Bear traps bite and thrash as they attack Ar-Gent, only to be severed from their chains. They writhe on the ground helplessly as they power down. A floor platform slides open revealing a cotton candy machine, part of the Cavalcade of Carnage line of weaponry. It starts slowly powering up its benzene cotton candy, spooling it up on a series of strands....'''

'''Odd Jaws, despite completely being oblivious to what he's actually doing it seems, scores a hit on the conspicuous energy conduit labeled 'Conspicious Energy Conduit', and shreds it, depriving the system of extra power. Sparks and steam start pouring out of the main atrium, as traps and gadgets explode, fail, and drop...'''

'''Lights flicker as they go onto standby mode. Even the theme music stops as power has to be conserved.'''

'''<<WELL, IT APPEARS YOU'RE VERY GOOD AT HURTING YOUR OWN CAUSE. WHAT ELSE IS NEW?>>'''

The system starts to give pause as Sci-Nide gouges a huge hole in the wall, breeching the atrium wall and the next room with the heavy firepower.

The PA system flickers back on with some static.

<<you never wrote, you never called, you never even sent a fax....>>

'''Ar-Gent Silverfinger warily watches the remaining systems power down before dusting off his hands. "Well, then. Let's loot the bodies."'''

'''Odd_Jaws grunts. "Okay. Not eat important parts." He sits down ands tarts to eat anything that has stopped moving.'''

<<Evil Inc.>> Ar-Gent Silverfinger says, "Sgt Rip-Guts, the way is clear. Bring up your sweepers and cleaning maids."

'''Ar-Gent Silverfinger strolls over to Spec-Ops through the discarded weaponry. "Alright, fellow, on your way. We have work to do, here." He slips out a pamphlet with a business card inside, advertising Evil Inc's Martian timeshares. There's even a time and a date for a presentation, which if you attend, you will win a door prize. "If you happen to see Spike, send him my regards." And he shooes the Autobot out towards the door.'''

'''Sci-Nide meanders through the base with Eye-Gore and Timmies in tow. The scientist catalouging important items for recovery while moving ever closer to the server that houses CAROL-DOS' 'physical body'. When he reaches the server the box marked EI C.DOS v1.3b is disconnected to be returned to the MAas base for further testing and study. Maybe some modifications. Definitely maybe there will be modifications. Certainly.'''

'''Sgt Rip-Guts von Slaughtermachine leads her battle maids through the now dimly lit but mostly inert base, cleaning up discarded weapons, trimming back mutated plants, and generally setting the place to rights. Behind them, Tight-Lips' longshoremen haul away goods. It's a particularly happy moment when they manage to get down to the mess hall and find their slightly warm ray still in good condition. That gets carefully extracted, packaged up in a wooden crate, and loaded on the Spaceball-1 for delivery to Kreezy.'''

'''Ar-Gent Silverfinger surveys the loading in triumph. "And now.. cake."'''

Log session ending at 21:43:08 on Tuesday, 28 May 2019.