User blog:Spikewitwicky/May 8th, 2016 - Spike's Journal Entry



Dear Mom:

Happy Mother's Day! Today, I got a few duck breasts I'll be cooking for Carly, and I got her the latest season of Game of Thrones on Blu-Ray.

I usually just start writing these things - as you got me into this habit in the first place. But I remember there were a lot of times after you died, I couldn't write, so I just started it as 'Dear Mom' - and went from there.

Like you, I'm not the most religious person in the world. Like you, I'm like...60-40 percent sure once you're gone - that's it. But I'm hoping that 40 percent increases as I get older. It's hard to believe I'm about the same age as you when you died. For the sake of this entry, let's say you're still around - in some form or another. And you had the time to check in on us. Here's an update -

Dad is home from the hospital. He had a big health scare about a month ago. It was getting to the point where Helperbot and I had to lift him in and out of his bed. It turned out he had a nasty strain of bronchitis. He was in the hospital for about a week. But now, he's actually walking under his own power - albeit with a cane. Today, he's helping me in the med bay.

Buster is almost done with finals. He's doing great as a comparative lit professor. He told me about the final, and... albiet I may have zoned off a bit when he started talking about what he wants in terms of student presentations, his class seems to be really engaged. he still can't even put oil or antifreeze in his car without something going wrong, but in terms of a job...he's doing great.

Your grandson will be a junior next year. If you can believe it, he's got an internship this summer. And your granddaughter ... let's just say you'd love her. Almost everything I do in the repair bay, I have to explain it to her. For her, there is no 'that's the way we always do it' - there almost always has to be an answer.

I listened to this song by this artist - Sun Kil Moon. There was one track that literally had me tearing up: "I Can't Live Without My Mother's Love." The artist is said to be a major asshole, but the lyrics were so bare and honest. I couldn't help but think of times where I wasn't the best son. Times where I was jealous of Buster getting all of your attention. Times where I know it was going on 2 weeks of dad being on some contract in Burma or wherever, and I was getting more and more restless and irritated that he was somewhere else other than home with us. But you kept your cool, even though I'm sure I gave you plenty of reasons not to.

It's weird - Buster and you ... I don't want want to say he was closer to you than me, because that's not true, but you two definitely 'connected' more. But I had 5 invaluable years on him with you. I can still remember a lot, while Buster says he's starting to worry that a lot of his memories with you are starting to disappear, given the fact that he was six when you left us. Hard to believe it's been more than 30 years, but there isn't a day I don't think about you. So - for this entry, I'd like to write down four things ... at least at this moment, I remember about you.

I remember you and I going to see Raiders of the Lost Ark. Dad was gone on a construction gig, and you sent Buster to Aunt Judy's - because there's no way he could have lasted through that movie. I can't believe that movie was PG then. But there I was, at age 10 - thinking I was a small adult, but the face melting scene had me absolutely cowering.

I remember having a sore throat, maybe strep. And it was at a time where Buster was just about ready to enter kindergarten. So, we had a rare morning, afternoon where it was just the two of us. We ended up on the same couch. You were reading a very grown-up college-level book, I was reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. I totally felt like hell, but you went supermom on me  - as always.

You and dad didn't fight much, but when you did... you didn't back down. I just thought it was funny. Not you standing up to him. But the fact that he always knew what to say to put the fear of God in me, but if you had your heart and mind set on something, no matter how much he huffed and puffed... your way was almost always going to win.

Watching Happy Days with you while you were pregnant with Buster.

Happy Mother's Day - wherever you are.

I miss you -